#clemin writes

What Alex did not expect was a thousand, pretty much shapeless, hallucinations in bright, neon colors, which were spinning around the living room as if it were a planetarium. In the middle of it all, laying upside down in a pile of blankets, cushions, pillows and other such soft looking material that Alex could tell came from around the house, was Clyde, who had a thousand yard stare as it’s many different voices muttered things Alex couldn’t even vaguely understand.

Ok, so something was up with Clyde. Now the question was what.

Alex’s first thought was it somehow a sort of seasonal behavior thing, like the hibernation it went through a few months ago. Alex was praying that this time they wouldn’t accidentally get dragged into it, but then they looked at the walls the hallucinations were projected to. Their shape suddenly reminded Alex of something: 

Gummy Bears.

Alex recalled Clyde talking about it’s love of Gummy Bears some time ago, but why was it the hallucination? Alex figured, perhaps since Clyde was in this zoned out space, asking might work. “Clyde?” Alex called to get it’s attention. To Alex's shock, instead of being ignored, Clyde whipped it’s head towards them so fast it could have given Alex themself whiplash. The two stared at each other for a few seconds (Clyde’s was intense and locked directly on to Alex, while Alex’s was filled with vague fear and too afraid to look anywhere else).

“ALEX!” Clyde yelled as they quick moved into a position Alex immediately recognized. They were just barely able to dodge before Clyde moved to ponce. “They’re gonna eat me. This is the moment. I’m dead.” Alex's panicked mind told them. They braced for a second, preparing for an attack.

But the only attack they got was Clyde word vomiting.

“Ohmysixareyouokareyouhurtwhydidyougetoutofthewayineededtoprotectyoulankmannandthecaretakerscouldcomeforyouandidontwantthemtotakeyouimeanimagineifyougothurtidontwantyoutogethurtialreadylostmypartnerandidontwanttoloseyouaswellyoumattersomuchandineedtokeepyousafecomeoneletsgetyouinthenest-” 

Alex slowly stopped bracing and stared at the veldigun, who was now standing over them with a large, thick blanket (the one they got from the white elephant game last christmas. They remember it so well since Roy stole the panini press grill they got first). “Clyde what-” is what Alex started to say before said large, thick blanket was thrown on top of them. They could feel Clyde grab them and pick them up in said blanket, before dumping them onto the pile.

“There, with this blacket I found now we don’t need to worry about touch. I can keep you safe right here, only I go out.” Clyde stated like it didn’t sound like they were keeping them hostage. “Great plan I know!”

Alex was able to get their head out of the pile right before Clyde laid directly on top of them. Alex hadn’t felt this much weight on them since college when they visited a friend and their great dane sat directly on top of them. Only this time it felt like there were now three. Apparently, while Alex had been thinking of this, Clyde had begun talking again.

“-I mean, today you were a whole half hour late getting home. A whole half hour. This must mean you are hiding something, like you're getting questioned. Of course, you’d be the type to panic and accidentally reveal something. So someone’s gotta protect you.” Ah, so being in a weird state doesn’t change the fact they like to sass ok. Alex stopped paying complete attention when they looked at the creature’s eyes. … When did they get so red?

“-and I do care about you, and I never want to ever see you hurt. I miss you everyday you leave. Today I just sat on your bed for an hour missing you. Sitting on your bed wasn’t too bad though. I found these gummy bears in the bedside table drawer and-”

“WAIT GUMMY BEARS?!?!” Alex interrupted Veldigun's rant, for a horrible, terrible, completely awful realization came to Alex’s head. Clyde’s confusion only gave more fear to Alex.

“What about the gummies? Sure they tasted a little different from the usually gummy bears, and now i feel my ooze shifting around my entire body but I just assumed-”

“How many did you eat?” Alex firmly questioned.

“...I don’t know… Thirty-teen? I saved some cause I felt bad about eating all of them from you. That's a funny thing you do to me Alex, I feel bad doing “Mean” st-”

“Oh fuck…” Alex whispered. That horrible, terrible, completely awful realization has now grown thirty-teen times worse. Clyde still looked at them confused, before getting distracted and looking at one of the hallucinations.

“Haha, that one looks like a bear in a banan-” “Clyde those were my edibles.” Alex uttered in fear. “Your High. On Drugs. Weed.”

Clyde stopped and stared directly at Alex’s face. It seemed to contemplate things, or maybe it was pulling memories from some other they ate, looking for anyone who it ate that has eaten edibles. (Alex made a worthless attempt to escape the pile of blankets and other soft things while Clyde was in this state of thinking.)

“Why didn’t you label it?” Clyde questioned with an attitude.

“I don't know, it‘s in a personal location people shouldn’t be going though. Why were you looking in my bedside table?” Alex sassed back. 

“It was open!”

“Sure, sure. Can I leave-”

“NO!” it yelled as it wrapped its arms around the soft items pile it trapped Alex in. When Alex shut up, it looked them directly in the eyes.

“The caretakers, they probably know I’m here. They’re gonna tell Lankmann and then he’ll take you from me. You’ll be hurt and mistreated, and I’ll be alone and by myself again. I don’t want to lose you. I really don’t. But now if I keep you right here in this amazing nest I made, you’ll be nice and safe and warm and-” Clyde continued it’s rant on the importance of keeping Alex safe and protected from the terrible foundation. Alex listened intently to the veldigun; if they could’ve, they would have placed a hand on it’s cheek for comfort. 

The rant came to a pause as Clyde began pointing out the different hallucinations, and Alex decided to finally say something.

“Clyde, I had no idea you cared that much. I find it awfully sweet, however, you know I can’t stay in this… nest.” Alex softly explained. Clyde just gave it puppy dog eyes (how and when could it do that) as it started to cuddle.

Most likely, all this was because of weed, and not genuine. So while Alex was touched by it saying it cared about them, Alex should probably find some kind of distraction to get Clyde away from these thoughts until the high ended.

Luckily, they had a TV with a VHS player and some tapes in a cabinet on the other side of the room. Now to get Clyde off.

“Hey Clyde, since you don’t want me to leave the pile, what if you got some Non-Editable snacks for us to eat? I’m sure we’re both incredibly hungry.” Alex offered. Lucky for them, Clyde perked up at the mention of snacks. 

“I can do that! Can’t protect you if you're hungry!” it exclaimed as it got up and trotted to the kitchen, brightly colored hallucinations leaving with it.

Now was Alex’s turn to move.

They quickly (and quietly) escaped from the nest and snuck over to their VHS cabinet. Inside were a bunch of different video tapes, all Alex needed were some good videos with pretty colors and silly voices, preferably horror for Clyde. Alex was perfectly aware they had very little time to choose, and they had to act fast.

They began going through a rapid pace, trying to find the perfect one for Clyde to watch. From the kitchen, Alex could hear it go though cabinets for food. They also heard the dishwasher going off. Alex was now going to ignore the sounds coming from the kitchen. This was for the sake of sanity.

Alex, who noticed some of the bright colors returning to the room, eventually told themself “screw it” and grabbed a random tape. They removed it from the slip case, and inserted it right into the player as soon as they started to hear footsteps approach the living room. Right as Alex hit the play button, Clyde entered the room.

“What the hell Alex, get back in the-”

“La la la la, La la la la, Elmo’s world!”

…And Alex came to the horrible realization they inserted one of the joke gift they ended up with from the white elephant game two years ago: six vhs tapes of Sesame Street (remembered cause Lauren admitted it was just to get rid of old tapes her kids didn’t watch anymore). Alex thought they grabbed at least something scary, like Critters, cause they knew that was something Clyde would enjoy. But goddamn Sesame Street? This was a wild card. Clyde could either be unimpressed or decided “fuck it, they die”.

But surprisingly, neither happened. In fact, Clyde seemed to get… entranced by the show. Alex moved away from the TV so Clyde could get a better look. Said veldigun sat on the nest, putting down the “snacks” (Alex was pretty sure it brought back some dish soap, a sponge and what looked like all 5 bags of sandwich bread) it got, and just watched the show. Alex observed for a minute before also joining in on watching Sesame Street.

The rest of the night was spent in this way, just watching those tapes of Sesame Street. They’d occasionally joke and chat, but it was mostly quiet from that moment on. It was quite nice. Soon, both would pass out from sheer exhaustion, Clyde would finally be sober from weed and deny remembering anything from that night (Alex couldn’t tell if it was lying or had genuinely greened out from gummies), and Alex won’t make mention of this night to it. 

“Daddy! Daddy! Can we go to the park today? I really wanna try and get to the top of the big oak today!”

“Sure Al, just let Daddy finish writing this lesson real quick, alright? You can get your shoes on in the meantime.” 

“Yay, Thank you Thank you Thank you!”

“Woah, haha, Careful- and they're already gone.” a sigh “Tell Your Grandparents We’re Leaving!”

“OK!”

The long brown hair that went all the way to their shoulders.

“Alex, I am so sorry. I thought your hair would have been fine.”

“It’s Not Fair! Why’d They Cut It!”

“The dress codes says-”

“Says Baloney!”

A stifled laugh.

“I should get to have my hair how I want it! Daddy, you're an adult, they’ll listen to you. Tell Them!”

“... oh honey, they… won’t.”

“Why Not?!?”

“... same reason I missed Christmas last year.”

Those round glasses with the green frame that made their eyes look slightly bigger.

“Winfrey, why the hell would you need 55 dollars for a pair of glasses.”

“Dad, please, Alex really liked the pair when we went to the eye doctor today-”

“Tell ‘em no! Your already in enough debt from your little freakout-”

“And You Want Me To Explain That To A FUCKING Six Year Old!?!” Silence, while breathing.

“Dad I promise to tell Alex you paid for them and I promise to pay you back, just… please. Alex needs glasses and I want to make sure they get a good pair. I won’t ask you for anything else after this. Just do it for your grandkid.”

“...fine. But I expect the money to be spent ON the glasses.” 

“They will be, Dad, I promise.”

The way their hand trembled while holding that… strange device with the flashing light.

Loud, Intense crying.

“Al, look, there’s no monster outside. It was just some trees. It’s ok.”

“But- but- It was scary! It was prob-prob-bably gonna eat me!”

“Alex, look at me, just for a moment. … that's it, look at you, you brave little guy. Now, listen to me: Monsters aren’t real. Just little images us creatives come with from time to time. Nobody’s out there planning to eat you up. Just the pines right there.”

“You- You promise Dad-Daddy?”

“Yeah I promise Alex.” A hug. “... I will say one monster exists. It's called THE TICKLE MONSTER!”

“Ahhahahahahhaha DAAAAADDYYYY!”

Oh… how so much had changed in the last twenty or so years, yet so much was the same. It was still their (or well the human who they had consumed but they were mostly the same person now) little one. Who they had spent the last six years of their human life caring for. Who they only thought of as they spent quite a bit of those six years here in this damned asylum. Who had been the only person they left the maternity ward with before they inevitably had to plan the funeral of their first love. 

Their Alex.

(who notably carried some scent of their partner. Not intense enough to have been Clyde wearing their skin, but enough to tell Alex had been around it frequently. They internally prayed to Six their child had not taken Clyde as well as them.)

It was a moment where they had seemed to have lost the voice of that first human victim, substituting it with a “Help me” from a patient they had consumed some memories with Alex from sometime ago. Alex had always been one to help others in need.

However, before Alex could say anything, that Dreaded man grabbed their attention.

“Daddy, when will you be back?”

“Just another week Al, just another week. Once I’m out, we’ll do all sorts of fun things together. I’ll play you the violin, I’ll get us ice cream with three scoops, i’ll even see about getting you that cat you’ve been wanting.”

“Black with yellow eyes?”

“Yes black with yellow-”

“Mr. Williams, your time is up. Best to get back to your… therapy.”

“Just a bit more time, we just need to-”

“No Mr. Williams, your child must leave now.”

“Just A Bit-”

Winfrey watched as the Doctor sent Alex away again, this time not even allowing for a conversation at all. And as he shut those doors, as he turned his head back to them with that horrid smile, Winfrey knew another thing:

Lankmann knew as well.

—

Alex slammed their bedroom door shut. So What! They bleached a section of their hair blonde, not a huge deal! Unlike Stacy, they didn’t make their hair fall out. So why the hell was Grandpa so annoyed by it?!? They were sixteen, they could do whatever the hell they wanted!

Alex fell onto their bed and screamed into their pillow. Ever since Grandma died back in August, he’s been on their back over everything! No matter what they said or asked, it was always the wrong thing! And the only response they’d get to defending themself was:

“Careful Alexander, you're becoming your father.”

Which would make Alex completely annoyed. Without Grandma there to smack him on the head and cry “Benedict!”, he could say it as much as he wanted. Elementary and Middle School were bad enough with the fear and bullying over their father’s mental health and disappearance, but at least by High School it had frizzled out and Alex could finally make some real friends. With Grandpa, he could never let it go! It pissed them off so bad. Maybe their dad wasn’t the most healthy mentally, but they were good to them and grandpa should stop acting like they weren’t!

Alex let out a final groan as they looked at their clock and- oh it was already 8:30. Alex had plans to go to a party at Sean’s, and Rick confirmed that the cute girl from chem was gonna be there. Sure, Gramps may have “Grounded” them, but they had made it to the top of the oak tree with and without dad’s help. Leaving out the window and climbing down a two story house was easy.

Alex got up from the bed and went to their closet. 

But… something outside the window caught their eye.

Memories of their dad comforting them from some trees blowing a bit too hard outside flooded their brain. “Little images us creatives come with from time to time”, they could hear their dad whispering to their crying six year old self. It had been years since then, and by now Alex knows monsters aren’t real (Until this would later be proven false when they’d come home from college for a bit to plan Grandpa’s funeral in Fall ‘86. What started as a fun get together with some old high school buddies on halloween ended with being interviewed by the local news about six missing kids and later on getting a job offer as an archivist for The Lankmann Foundation as protection from the “Veldigun”. Well, that benefit of the job would be thrown away as they’d proceed to feed the veldigun that ate said six kids), but yet Alex couldn’t help but wonder…

But notice it did. Alex watched through closing eyes as Clyde ran back over to check on them. 

“Sandwich Human! We don’t have time! They’re gonna get you!” Clyde hurried them. Alex held up a finger to signal for a minute. Then got off the tree and ran a bit further… before losing breath again and falling over.

Clyde rushed over to them, panicking. “Sandwich Human you are not dying today! There’s far more that needs to happen and your death is not for a while.” Clyde muttered. It placed a hand on Alex, which immediately made them sit up.

The duo had found out just a little bit ago the two can touch without Alex dying (immediately), Now after months of trying not to touch each other, it just felt… strange. It wasn’t like it hurt; Alex was just expecting to suddenly feel more teeth and to start coughing blood, and not just a semi-solid ooz hand (?) on their shoulder.

Clyde had already removed its hand from Alex, but still looked concerned. Then it seemed to have an idea. “Don't panic over what I’m about to do.” The veldigun told them. Before Alex could even question what they were about to do, they were immediately picked up by the veldigun. 

“Come on, let’s go find a cave or somewhere and get you some rest.” Clyde whispered as it began to run and locate a good place for the duo to sleep for the night. 

Alex really hadn’t been held like this since they were incredibly young. They had just grown out of asking to be carried and by then they were far too tall to be carried properly. Clyde was a bit taller than them, and was way stronger as well. It was odd, but strangely comforting to be carried around like they weighed nothing.

Just as Alex grew comfortable with being carried, Clyde looked to the side in joy. “Finally! A good cave!” It announced as it brought Alex inside. Clyde seemed to search around for some unknown reason before placing Alex down in a spot far from the opening. It readjusted the blanket Alex had been carrying to be wrapped around them.

“We need a nest, stay here.” Clyde whispered as it scurried away. 

Wow, tonight was a night of firsts for Alex, wasn’t it. They were hunted by the police for the first time, ran for more than half an hour for the first time, were carried for the first time in years, and now they were sleeping in a nest for the first time. Last time they had this many first was their 18th birthday, first time drinking and first time waking up in Mr. Jones’s shed with their clothes on backwards. What a night they still couldn’t remember.

As Alex thought about this in a headspace they were too sleepy to actually think about things logically, they had barely noticed Clyde coming back with a pile of supplies, which was now being used to make a makeshift nest. Alex examined the nest closely. It had what looked like some tree branches, leaves, some discarded trash, what was either a tent or a hammock, and fluff that they couldn’t identify (maybe it was cotton, maybe it was spider webs, maybe- actually, Alex didn't want to know). Alex was still unsure of how it was being held together because it looked poorly woven, until they noticed Clyde gliding a finger across the nest structure, leaving a trail of goo(?). So that was that question answered.

Eventually once Clyde had finished construction of the nest, it reapproached the human. “Alright, the nest is done, from the position of the moon it’s should be 4 or 5 am, so I’m gonna block the cave and sleep with you. So you hop in the nest, be there in a minute.” It told the human before grabbing leftover branches to cover the opening with. 

Alex made an “attempt” to move into the nest, but they were so tired they’d rather just lay on the ground then move another inch. It made them feel terrible cause Clyde just spent its time building a nest that it didn't need to, but here Alex was not getting in it. God they were just like their old family cat, Neptune, who never slept in the nice cat beds they’d buy him and instead sleep in the box it came in. Neptune was a nice cat, don’t get Alex wrong, just a tad annoying. Shame Neptune went missing mysteriously one day- actually no wait now that they think about it, it was highly likely Clyde had found him first and-

“Need help Sandwich Human?” Clyde offered as it towered over their body. Alex just made a vague yes noise and grabby hands. They heard the veldigun laugh as it picked them up. 

“Wow, your way more tired than I expected.” It chuckled as it laid the both of them in the nest. “Six, this must be what Winfrey felt when I stayed up past 6 am hunting and begged to be carried to our nest.” It chuckled again.

They stayed like that for a minute. While the nest was comfy, Alex found themselves unable to truly fall asleep. “Blanket maybe?” They thought as they unwrapped their blanket and threw half over Clyde. It was probably cold as well. Clyde seemed a bit shocked to have gotten half of the blanket around it as well, but grateful nonetheless.

Alex, however, was still having trouble sleeping. They were incredibly tired, but couldn’t get to that state where they were asleep. 

Clyde looked soft.

Alex wrapped themselves around the veldigun. This was something they probably would have considered a death wish maybe a few months ago, but at this moment it just felt… right. 

There was a small pause between the two. Maybe Alex had taken it too far, maybe this was the moment Clyde decided they were too much trouble, maybe-

Clyde wrapped its own arms around Alex, and its tail wrapped around theirs. This was… incredibly comforting. Maybe tonight had been, probably the worst in all of Alex’s life, but right now, in this cave, in this nest, in a moment of peace between human and eldritch beast, Alex had a thought they hadn’t thought in sometime:

She sighed out and closed her eyes. “I’m a monster… from a hellworld.. somewhere on this universe.” I wasn't sure how that affected her mentally, but I knew it wasn’t that big of a deal. 

“Well… sometimes you just gotta be who you were all along.” I smiled. She looked surprised and started to cry. I gave her a hug, her voice purring as would the cats.

“S-sorry.” she tearfully spoke to me. I simply pet her head that was covered in fur. The noise in the background faded into nothing. 

Concern for what I knew wasn’t here, It welled into an explosion of love for Rachel. I held her close, so close. I let my eyes slide to the lovely tail she now wagged. A feeling of joyousness sparked in my head.

“Rachel, you should never have to worry about being human. Especially with my family and friends around.” I move to face her head-on. “I love you, Rachel.” Then, a moment later, I hear my arch rival appear! 

“DONNA!” He yelps as he kicks the door away. Rachel rolled her eyes at Rival, who never faltered at our life.

“What do you want, Rival?” I scoff as he stuck his tongue out and blew up.

Shocked, he stumbled at the sight of women. “L-LESBIANS!?” He shrieked. Was he homophobia? How could he.

“Not with the way you are, just because I’m dating men and motorcycles are swagger.” He explained. His men telepathy kiss magic and my confusion around GAY Calms the Magic eagles from outer city.

“Get them!” Rachel jumped towards the weird backflipping Rivals. I confusedly waved my BIG hands of DOOM as my power radiates rainbows.

Rival turned around fifteen degrees celsius, as he celebrated america for oil on him. The backflipping RIVALS exploded into green men. The newly made green men all scrambled for an exit, but the explosion damaged the vents! 

Among the normal afternoon, Rival made himself a big sandwich. Then, Rival left the universe to eat. You know how this affects salmon, right? Now that is something! 

The next time you kiss a women, remember to be ready for murder and explosions of men that are GREEN!!!