#clearsignals

Clear Signals Pt. 1 is now an interactive book available for iPad and Mac. Please buy a copy for you or a friend!

think I've spent too long cloaked, hidden, scurrying around like a frightened animal / 18? 19?  can't keep track anymore / don't know what koski has planned for the boy, or why on earth (ha ha) he went and gave him his sight back / he's gotten so tall, I can't believe he's walking around like my dream / maybe koskis getting soft getting weak / probly got a plan though it seems he always does / he thinks he has plans but he doesnt know plans at all / he thinks so little but im thinking big / just another couple months im gonna have another moth and nothing will stop me from taking her where shes meant to be taken to / gonna sail up higher and higher / gonna find someplace that the flowers pick themselves / seems like a kind of poetry the way i been invisible so long, and sweet blind simeon will be the first to see me / seems like a kind of poetry the way im making a key into a map and a book into a door / it sure will be pretty if i can take some folks with me / i wish nyyti was still here / she would be so proud of me / she would kiss the back of my hand / she would come with me / i hope some of them will come with me / i just been alone so long /

I've been busy. Funny how the ship has had trouble all over. Funny how I've had to work on just about every single piece of it over the last year and a half. Since Moisés got ground up, no one ever goes into his room. No one notices anything. Only two replicators on the whole ship and the one in his room just sits there not getting used for anything.

I've been digging through his things. He was always so excited about showing me all his treasures and artifacts that I know he wouldn't mind. He might not have been so happy about what I've been doing with them. He liked them... what was his word? "Pristine?" If I ever see him again, I'll beg his forgiveness. Not just for making all these changes to his collection either.

I dreamed about my mom again. Usually I wake up before she reaches the end, but last night she finished it:

away and away sailing into a keen city which nobody's ever visited,where

always           it's                 Spring)and everyone's in love and flowers pick themselves.

Funny how many parts there are in a ship like this. Funny how a mechanic like me could take the whole damn thing apart and scan every one of them into a replicator no one misses. I wonder how long it would take to put them all back together again?

The ghosts of so many hung over me, daring me to look into the black and feel anything but despair. The ship's engines were falling horribly out of sync without my intervention and each time I closed my eyes, I saw the grisly scene again. I heard the shredding meat, the wet screams.

I hadn't left my room in weeks, and when I finally did it was to visit the blind child, Simeon. I tried to look into his eyes, but they wandered and darted. In the vacuum of space, there was this single pure thing, and he was cursed to live in darkness.

When I returned to my room I slept for the first time in three weeks. I had the most beautiful dream.

The Moth Mullein was barreling toward a dead planet. She burned through the atmosphere and struck the ground like molten glass, then shattered on impact into a thousand gleaming shards. The ground was dry and brown, but where the shards fell, they burrowed into the earth and began to hum. The single tone became harmonies, and soon a chorus was singing from the dry dirt. As the song rose, so did mountains, and with them, vegetation. Whole topographies escaped, covered in verdant plants with slick, wet leaves. In the distance, a ridge rose up out of the canopy, and two figures walked slowly up into view.

It was Simeon, still an infant, but walking upright with his hand clutching Nyyti's fur. The dog was guiding him up. As they reached the top, the child's eyes began to open and...

I woke to Nyyti whimpering softly. Though she was sound asleep in the bed next to me, her legs flitted and twitched.

We finally landed on the first planet. It was beautiful, temperate. The air was breathable and crisp and we didn't have to wear our suits. Moisés and I climbed to the top of the first ridge we found, and we couldn't stop smiling. The view was remarkable. We landed in a sparse field, but in the distance, streams of crystal clear water cut through lush vegetation. The hope we all shared began to solidify into something real and tangible.

This could be the place. This could be the place!

We took a photograph in front of the landing marker. It was supposed to be just the Captain and the Commander, but Moisés threw his arm around me and pulled me in close. I saw the Commander's face tighten but I didn't care. I felt like a small child posing for a picture with his father. I stood up tall, basked in his glow.

Then, everybody died.

There were pale green things, plants, we assumed. One of the biologists tried to take a sample, and the earth shook and rose, crumbling as it grew. Great frightening beasts rose up, with all the worst parts of a leech and a crocodile, but the size of an elephant. There was a moment of stillness, and where the biologist had stood was just a cloud of blood.

Moisés and I both ran. God forgive me though, I ran toward the ship, and he ran towards his crew. Koski and I got back to the ship and he sealed the doors. The creatures were caked in blood, and they started lumbering toward the ship. The Captain had managed to pick up a wounded scientist and was running towards the ship ahead of them.

They were so close but Cmdr. Koski wouldn't let them in. They were screaming through mouths filled with blood, and he wouldn't let them in.

We're getting close to the first planet. The Commander had me look over the shuttles to make sure our expedition lands safely. Fortunately, the engines were really singing today, so I had time to take Nyyti for a walk. We were both exhausted when we got home, and I fell right to sleep.

I woke up in the middle of the night and found her looking out at the planet, still a pale, green dot glimmering in a field of stars. Her tail was up, and her body was tense. I can't remember ever seeing her like that, and it took a long time to calm her down.

I stayed up for hours after, looking out at the planet, and thinking about that poor woman and everything she went through.

Sometimes, it feels like the only interesting things that happen in this ship are deep inside, in the engine room. Today is the first day that isn't true, and I hope the last.

I was with Moisés, trying to squeeze a little more functionality out of the two replicators we have on board. An alert came through from Medical and he looked concerned. Actually no, he looked worried. He ran for the lift and motioned for me to follow.

A young woman who works in Biology has been pregnant. I'd seen her a handful of times and always assumed she had found love out here in space. On the way down, Moisés explained. He had spoken with her at length, and she insisted that the pregnancy was the result of a brief romance that didn't last. She declined to identify the father. Moisés believed that she had been assaulted, but she wouldn't budge on her story.

I felt sick. We left an Earth in shambles, beyond saving. The crew aboard the Moth were supposed to find a new home, a place we could start over and get it right. And yet, somewhere onboard was a man (men?) who would deny a woman her humanity, and hurt her in the most vile way. It made me want to sabotage our entire mission. I could strip the engine and we would drift off course, the naive dream of a fresh start suffocating in the vacuum.

When we reached Medical, she was already gone, but her boy was perfectly healthy, except for one thing. He was beautiful, a splotchy red star throwing bright light into the darkest corners of my mind. Maybe his blindness would prove to be a blessing. At the very least, he would never have to look his father in his eyes.