#cilla talks

At Heart

Somethings I still can’t tell you, a collection of poetry by Misha Collins is a pocket sized gut punch composed of honest and vulnerable poems. Mr.Collins truly makes the reader feel the weight of love , sorrow , healing and most importantly family , in a beautiful and moving showcasing of these raw emotions. Within its 129 pages it makes an immense impact on how we see those lonely , lovely and fleeting moments in his life and in turn our own.

The Center

Chapter I ‘Love poems’ : within the first three poems the tone of bittersweet love takes a hold of your heart and gives it a tight squeeze : a reminder of nostalgia, of what it’s like to fall in love and then have life happen around you, to grow older and then suddenly feel that passage of time hit you all at once. Mr.Collins’ poem ‘Leg Wrestlers’ (5) is where it starts and it fully blooms once you get to ‘Way-finding’ (37) and ‘The Center’ (38) the text comes full circle in that showcase.

Chapter II ‘Hope , Joy , Running & other good things’: in this set of poems you start to feel this sense of wonderment for life and the complexities of self reflections and growth. Starting off with small moments of motivation it slowly builds into this awestruck feeling you get when reading ‘FIRE AND WATER , Part One: Absolution’ (62). This is the poetic pinnacle of reflection and gratitude for life.

Chapter III ‘Longing, Sadness, Running & Foreboding’: starts off with the tone setting poem ‘FIRE AND WATER Part two: Pyreless’ which is a clear shift. We move from gratitude and wonder into a somber loneliness. This loneliness shows itself in isolation and a feeling of being directionless. First shown in ‘Water Break’ (69) “Why am I here? Where am I going?” It carries us from home to hotel beds while still leaving us with this sense of emptiness.

Chapter IV ‘My people(& other people): Here in this chapter there’s some curiosity , love and levity. In moments of making new bonds and realizing what others have meant to us or wondering what they possibly could’ve. Of these the one that hits me hardest is ‘Marder’ (97) a poem touching on death , and the deep bonds of friendship in a way that brings me to tears. While this section feel’s smaller its impact is not.

Chapter V ‘The parents’ : In the first few poems I feel they encompass the feeling of aging ; the good and bad that come right along with it , ‘Old Bones’ (105) gives us this sense of comfort coupled with the sadness of it and as we know with age comes expectation, the weight that a parent can put onto their child sometimes without ill intent or knowing. This is shown clearly in ‘Town Car’ (111). Having us feel that familiar pang that maybe despite all our attempts , we haven’t been good enough.

Chapter VI ‘The Kids’ :Right away the tone again shifts more towards wonder with a small hint of worry with ‘Baby Pants’ (117). Especially when it asks: “What have I missed?” This poem is also given weight by its annotation as Mr.Collins first poem. Throughout these poems you feel all the wonderment and worry of becoming a parent while still you are becoming yourself. The frustrations and fleeting moments you’ll wish to have back. ‘Present. Tense.’ (126) brings all these feelings together and crashes us back to reality. As the last sentence reads: “I wish for this” , and in the final poem it continues ‘The Last Poem’(128) asks again: “What have I missed?” As life goes on and children keep growing , it's about those moments we’ll never get back, about learning to just be present in these moments of love and hardship alike.

Something I can tell you While re-reading and going through Mr.Collins Somethings I still can’t tell you again , I can honestly say it didn’t lose any of its impact or wonder on me. To me this book has served as inspirational as well as insightful. In life we have many connections to places , people and memories that sometimes bring sorrow and loneliness with them but that in itself shows we aren’t truly alone.

Throughout this collection of poems I felt an array of emotion that left me with wonder and deep thoughts of reflection on my own life. What have I missed? And what matters most to me and who do I want to become? I have an immense appreciation for Mr.Collins not only in his writing but in his life as a father , actor and philanthropist , so for me personally these poems hit me directly in the heart.