#churchrant

When I used to be Christian, I was deeply concerned about people’s souls. I didn’t want them to end up in hell, because that would be eternal separation from God, and that would just be awful, wouldn’t it? Who would ever want to be eternally separated from God? I even once asked God why no one just preached to satan, because surely he longed to be “back in God’s presence”. But also, showing up at church meant that you were still okay with God. It was a physical thing to do to show that you had a “relationship”. Nothing like giving up Sunday morning sleep ins to show God you really still valued his relationship. 

Or the other reason was “corporate worship”. Because I can worship by myself with my guitar, but when other people are also singing to God, somehow that makes it more powerful, and in that power, great things can happen. Heaven comes to earth. His righteousness is revealed. We can touch the hem of His garment. We are transformed by the renewing of our minds as we focus on Him. More of Him and less of us. Blah blah blah.

Another reason was to see if what I had been “hearing from God” that week was truly hearing from God, or whether it was just all made up in my mind. I SOAPed my Bible verses (Scripture, Observation, Application, Prayer) and I prayed in tongues and I prayed to God about the countries that He put on my heart. I did the Lord’s Prayer as I was taught, and applied it like he taught us to. But going to church was special, because then I could hear from the Pastor, and learn something I might not have realised. It was good affirmation.

Then there were the friends. Nothing like sitting with a group of people you know have got your back no matter what (well, except when you decide it’s okay to be gay).

Or iron sharpens iron. 

Nowadays, I often wonder where these questions stem from when people ask:

Are you going to church? It’s important. Yes, your personal relationship with God is great, but it’s still important. I know, you’ve been hurt. I know no church is perfect. I know you don’t really need it, I know going to church doesn’t make you Christian, but it’s still really important.

-Why the fuck is it important?? Can you just tell me something I don’t already know?? Like, what is so important about going to a building, hear a preaching sermon you’ve probably heard a million times and call that important? Did Jesus not do ALL his teaching OUTSIDE of the synagogue? Was he not talking while walking with his friends, and while dining with them over wine at tax collectors and prostitute’s homes? WHEN did you ever find him in a synagogue except to upturn tables? So why the fuck is it so important? 

Why can’t you accept my answer when I say that I find more about Jesus when talking to my non-christian friends, atheists, buddhists, hindus, etc etc over a glass of wine or beer and pizza? Why can’t you see that I can feel “His presence” more in the symphonies of Beethoven and Mozart at an orchestral concert than in more worship songs that have words that don’t make sense? Why can’t you see that when I think about iron sharpening iron, I think about mingling with people of different cultures and faiths and feel that Jesus reveals himself more and more in those because everyone has such a different experience of him? Why must I only have that if I belong in an institution? 

Belonging. That’s the other thing. What if I feel like I belong to my group of friends, not because of one joint belief in one god, but because we just enjoy each other’s company and we enjoy each other’s lives and we enjoy learning and growing together? Why can’t that be where I find my tribe?

Are you still trying to convert me? 

I don’t understand the basis of these questions. 

Or is it because of the sad truth that we have nothing else to talk about now, so the easiest resort is to ask “are you going to church?”

Until someone can tell me something that actually makes logical sense, I automatically tune out. Because all the above reasons that I used to go to church for no longer are reasons for me. 

He said go out there into the world and share love and food and comfort. He said, not all who say “Lord, Lord” will enter into heaven. Did you visit them in prison? Did you give him/her water? Did you give them food and shelter? Love your neighbours as you love yourself and love God. 

Love.

Love.

Love.