Jun 13, 2021
I'm so grateful to be the kind of person who LOVES water. i love drinking water it tastes so good. it's my go-to drink tbh
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I'm so grateful to be the kind of person who LOVES water. i love drinking water it tastes so good. it's my go-to drink tbh
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i hate having to hide so much of my life and inner thoughts. nobody in my life knows how much i think about just disappearing. and i can't go anywhere because people rely on me and it would be too selfish. but i think everyday about how much easier it would be if i could just melt away. i barely want to exist but it's so selfish, so selfish
i wish i could put my brain through a garlic press. or squeeze it like a stress ball until it pops and oozes between my fingers.
im not the fucking victim. I'm a literal demon who spits plagues upon everyone's life. i sink my claws into their hearts with my ruse of pathetic helplessness, and when they're close enough to love me I milk them dry. what is wrong with me?? Why? Who taught me to be that way? I don't plan these things out, i don't tell myself "Now this will make them love me!" or "this will surely make them guilty!" or whatever the fuck. i just go about my daily life and i try my BEST almost EVERY DAY to be fucking normal, i love my partner and people close to me, i want them to all be happy and fulfilled and i do my best to help them, but i still end up FUCKING UP like a fucking RETARD and i hurt them hurt them OVER and OVER and OVER again. I fucking hate myself. I'm so useless. I've been trying so hard. i do the therapy. the coping mechanisms. the communication. the apologies. the scraping and bowing. i take responsibility. i say what I'll do better next time. and then i do better next time. but it's NOT ENOUGH. I've already caused too much hurt. My fucking existence is a blight. the gods must be using me as an instrument of evil incarnate in the human world. nothing i do helps. i must be fucking DOOMED to be inherently bad. i will never be emotionally healthy enough to raise children or have a family. I'm a fucking failure.
im the fucking problem. Fuck dude. why is it SO HARD to be a good person. I'm always fucking up. I'm such a fucking asshole all the time by default but I don't WANT TO BE. i hate myself i want to blow my fucking brains out. one less thing hurting people in this world
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
i want to chew through my own flesh
i want to drift in the ocean
sleep underwater
eyes closed, pitch black, gently rocked by waves
I'll settle to the bottom like sediment
tendrils of hair reaching towards the surface
rocking back and forth like deep sea plants
the crust of the earth will be warm even at the ocean floor
she will cradle me and gently fill my body with rest
she will make me heavy with water until i slip away
why do i have to make mistakes? why does everything just keep getting worse?