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Well, that's just great. Episode 92 ends with a cliffhanger as Taggart orders the use of the Omega-13... and we have to wait 18 years for a resolution that doesn't actually come, because when Galaxy Quest finally gets a chance to make a movie, they decide to go all meta and make it a mockumentary about the cast. It kicks off at GalaxyCon 18, where the cast are in various states of bemoaning the fact that they haven't had a job outside Quest in 18 years. Even Nesmith, well-known for being good to fans, blows up at a kid for asking perfectly reasonable questions about the Protector's operations.
All of that changes when a group of actual aliens visit Nesmith. Turns out they've been watching Galaxy Quest broadcasts, thought they were historical documentaries, and modeled their life after the show. They even constructed a perfect replica of the Protector. Nesmith and Kwan eat it all up, while the other cast (including one-time extra Guy Fleegman, who died in Episode 81) are in full shock, but slowly begin to warm up to just how incredible the ship is. They're in for it, though, because they weren't brought aboard just for fun. The aliens who built the ship, the Thermians, are in need of help. An evil reptilian by the name of Sarris has been attacking them and demands to be given the Omega-13. When it becomes obvious to the cast that Sarris means business (and they have no clue how to operate the ship), they desperately try to get out of there, but they burn out the engine and pass through a minefield, leaving the ship in dire need of repairs.
Except that while they were busy, Sarris caught up with them and boarded the ship. He demands to be given the Omega-13 and refuses to believe that Nesmith doesn't know what it does, until Nesmith explains to him that they're just actors on a TV series, and the Thermians, who are simple-minded and have no concept of fiction, mistook it for reality. Sarris demands that Nesmith explain it to Mathesar, the leader of the Thermians, in order to break his spirit. Sarris then puts the Thermian crew in the barracks where he slowly depressurizes the atmosphere, and sends the actors to be executed, as he sets the ship's self-destruct. But fortunately, Nesmith is able to speak in code with Dane (by referencing an episode) which tips him off to create a diversion where they get in a fistfight, and use this to catch their executors off-guard and disarm them.
While Webber studies the clips from the show to relearn how to fly the ship, Dane, Guy and Kwon work to save the Thermians, and Nesmith and DeMarco team up to shut off the sefl-destruct. Luckily, a mix-up earlier in the film had Nesmith mix his real VOX with a fanboy's fake one, and he's able to communicate with the fanboy to figure out all the ship schematics. Crawling through the vents and making it past the chompers, they're able to stop the countdown with 17 seconds to go, but because on the series the countdown always stopped at 1 second, they think it's still running for those 16 seconds and Nesmith almost confesses his love for DeMarco.
Back in control of their ship, Nesmith concocts a brilliant plan to fight Sarris. He has Webber fly through the magnetic minefield, collecting as many as he can, then charges straight for Sarris's ship, breaking off at the last second, destroying the other ship in the process. They set a course for Earth. Little do they know that Sarris managed to digitize aboard the Protector, and he boards the bridge and starts blasting the crew. In a final moment of desperation, Nesmith activates the Omega-13... which resets time back 13 seconds, just enough time for him to fight off Sarris. The Protector is heading toward Earth too fast to stop, so the Thermian crew all go to the main hull (except for a female who's taken a liking to Kwon) and the command section separates and makes an emergency crash landing in possibly the best way possible: right onto the stage at GalaxyCon 18. The crew all stumble out, the crowd thinks it's a great stunt, and when the still-alive Sarris storms the stage and gets blasted to bits by Nesmith, that seals the deal, the crowd goes wild...
And Galaxy Quest gets a brand-new series! I guess they were going for a kind of inverse-Space Jam vibe with this movie. Space Jam was a fictional explanation for Michael Jordon's return to basketball, while Galaxy Quest the movie was a mockumentary explanation for the renewal of the series, as well as introducing us to a few new characters. Thanks for sticking with ChronoQuest so far, and coming up next, the review of the pilot episode of Galaxy Quest: The Journey Continues.
NITPICKS
The beryllium sphere is a solid chunk of beryllium one meter in diameter. Even though beryllium is one of the lighter elements (being number 4), a sphere one meter in diameter is still going to weigh almost exactly one metric ton. Nesmith should have a much harder time rolling it around.
The chompers not only hardly resemble their counterparts on the series, but the rate of fire and pattern is actually inaccurate compared to Brandon's analysis.
At the distance the Protector II was from Sarris's ship, moving toward each other at a combined speed of Mark VI would have resulted in their collision in under a second, not the 30-second conversation between the two of them.
FAVORITE QUOTES
Nesmith: You will go out there!
Dane: I won't, and nothing you say will make me.
Nesmith: The show must go on.
Dane: Damn you.
Mathesar: [while Nesmith is kneeling pantsless on the ground, ass pointed at them] Commander, I must say that standing here in your presence is the greatest honor we could ever have hoped to achieve in our lifetimes!
Dane: By Grabthar's hammer. What a savings.
Kwan: [complete lack of shock at taking the transport pod] That was a hell of a thing.
Dane: [as Guy is staring at him] What?!
Guy: I'm just jazzed about being on the show, man.
Guy: Hey guys, there's a red thingy moving toward the green thingy.
Nesmith: What?
Guy: Red thingy moving toward the green thingy. I think... I think we're the green thingy.
DeMarco: Look! I have one job on this lousy ship, it's stupid, but I'm gonna do it, okay?!
DeMarco: They're not all historical documents, I mean, surely you don't think that Gilligan's Island is a...
Mathesar: Those poor people.
DeMarco: Guy, you have a last name!
Guy: Do I?! Do I?! For all you know, I'm just Crewman Number Six!
Guy: Hey! Don't open that! It's an alien planet! Is there air? You don't know!
Kwon: [sniffs the air] Seems okay.
DeMarco: Let's get out of here before one of those things kills Guy!
Guy: I know! You construct a weapon! Look around you, can you form some sort of rudimentary lathe?
Dane: I see you managed to get your shirt off.
Guy: I'm just a glorified extra, Fred. I'm a dead man anyway. If I'm gonna die, I'd rather go out a hero than a coward.
Kwan: Guy, Guy... maybe you're the plucky comic relief?
Dane: Quellek... by Grabthar's hammer... by the suns of Warvan... you shall be... avenged.
Sarris: You fool! You fail to realize that with your armor gone, my ship will tear through yours like tissue paper!
Nesmith: And what you fail to realize is my ship is dragging mines!
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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