Aug 10, 2025
chronic fatigue tho. fuck off.
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chronic fatigue tho. fuck off.
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I love to work
I dream of it
A labor that's not me
But is mine
“Sometimes I wish somebody cared about my physical health like a therapist does for my mental.”
“That’s called a doctor?”
“Oh. I wish my doctor actually cared about my physical health instead of taking the easy route.”
I'm sitting in the garden, this is my first trip to sit in my garden this year and... it's nice you know? The sun's shining, it's not too hot, I have a floppy hat, the cats are keeping me company, it's quiet... Just, nice. And I'm happy.
At the same time I'm a watery bag of mixed emotion and keep randomly crying. Because it's nearly May and this is the first time I've made it into my own garden this year. Hell it might be the first time I've been downstairs for something other than a medical appointment. And being out here reminds me how much I miss it, just being able to potter around my own house and garden whenever I fancy it without having to plan for pain, fatigue and immobility. Reminds me how much I love the sun, how much I hate being stuck upstairs in one room in the dark most of the time.
It reminds me what I've lost.
I'm not sure how much longer i can be out here. I thought seeing the sunshine again would pick me up a little, but mostly it's just pushing me further down.
Today I stood for 5 minutes and forgot to not lock my knees. Thus, my knees complained loudly for the next 3 hours.
Then I was calmly walking out of the school and my ankle just...screamed? Loudly and angrily? For 5 steps? And then moved on? Like bitch u okay?
I also had two students crying in my room for a bit and an unexpectedly deep conversation with this guy Ive been talking to. Guys I'm tired.
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Just accepting my chronic illness is never going to get diagnosed because said chronic illness makes it hard to do some basic things and everything gets blamed on not doing that basic thing
I should go to sleep but for once i feel like im actually awake and normal yk?
my body has decided that all my issues need to be flaring up at once,
brb, gotta power down my body and start it up again hopefully that helps
