ââŚITâS HARD FOR ME TO SEE EXACTLY WHERE THE HELL I WENT WRONGâ
chris sturniolo angst: hurt/no comfort, not chris accurate (chris is a bitch), swearing
wc⌠1.2k
prompt⌠scott pilgrim vs my gpa by mom jeans.
(masterlist) (nav)
it felt as though you were slowly slipping from chrisâ once so tight grasp. he stopped calling so much, stopped texting you to come over, he was always âbusyâ, it felt like you were doing all the work.
so as you stepped into the familiar house with the white walls and wood floors, something felt off. âoh, hey matt. is chris here?â you ask matt, who was making something in the kitchen. you were good friends with chrisâ family and his friends.
âheyâ yeah chris is in his roomâ he kept his head down, he didnât dare look at you. âuhh, okayâ you muttered, padding across the floor to chrisâ room. you knocked on the white door, hoping for a response.
âchris?â you called, reaching for the handle. the brunette beats you to the door, opening the door to reveal his almost disheveled look. âwhatâsâ are you okay?â his hood covered his slightly puffy eyes, his nose was a faint shade of pink, he hadnât shaved in a few days.
âyeah, just, come in.â he widened the door, you walked in and sat atop his bed. he didnât sit down, just stood by his door awkwardly.
âwhyâd you call me over here?â you ask, since it was the first time in almost a month that chris had asked to hangout.
âwe need to talkâ the sentence you were dreading. the words were quiet, hushed even, like he was embarrassed to be here. âoh, okay, whatâs up?â you replied, not wanting to assume the worst.
âlately, iâve uhm⌠been a bit of a mess. youâre an amazing woman, you really deserve the world. and i donât think,â he motioned between you two with one hand, âthis is gonna work out.â it hurt chris to even say, he did love you at one point but for some reason he just couldnât keep the love.
âno, chris what do you mean?â âiâiâm breaking up with you.â he took a deep breath to process the words.
âplease, chris, we can work this out. i promise. weâve always been there for each other, yeah? i mean, if this is something with me i can change, but iââ
âstop!â he spoke over you, your words coming to a halt. âfuck, donât you get it? i donât love you anymore!â
âthen pretend.â youâre standing now, glaring at chris through glossy eyes. âwhat?â
âpretend you love me.â
âi canât do that to you, itâs not right. please, justâ make this easier on me. tell you donât love me back, tell me youâve been waiting for this, tell me you canât do this anymore, tell me you just want to be friends, fuck, tell me you hate me!â
those examples were hateful yet all chris craved. he didnât want to be the bad guy, he just wanted to let you down slowly.
âfine.â you spoke softly, a sigh of relief left chrisâ mouth. âbut one thing,â you said, taking a baby step towards chris. âwhy donât you love me? what the fuck did i do?â this time, chris couldnât cut you off because he didnât know what to say.
âiâ i donât know. itâs just, i donât love you, and i canât lead you on.â he admitted, staring at the ground. âwe can still be friends?â your eyes snapped up to his.
âyou just donât fucking get it, do you? you never have.â your head shook, tears in your eyes threatened to spill. you took one last final look around the room until who knows how long, eyes scanning chrisâ shelves and trinkets that sat upon them.
but what you locked your eyes on shattered whatever was left in the love for chris. a google search on chrisâ computer.
âhow to break up with a girl you donât like.â
it wasnât as bad as it could be, but still hurt something in you. âwhatever.â you whispered just loud enough for chris to hear, pushing past him to leave the room.
âoh hey girl, i didnât know you were here.â nick looks at you in your teary eyes, you stop in front of him for a second. âiâm leaving now.â you say, flat out, walking past him to leave the house.
no goodbye, no nothing. it was mean, but if you stayed a second longer you would break down in tears to your ex boyfriendâs triplet brother.
you donât hold your tough facade long, the second your car door shuts you break down in tears. through glossy eyes you attempt to back out through the driveway, wanting to get away from the now haunted house as quick as possible.
you backed out, careful not to hit mattâs car as you drove away. your phone automatically connected to the car via bluetooth, and the last song you listened to started playing over the speaker.
scott pilgrim vs. my gpa â mom jeans.
you let it play, even turning up the music to listen to the words spill over the slow beat.
a week passesâ which consists of sleeping, watching a new show, sleeping more. you texted your friend about it and she brought you a care basket, it was about half done by now.
youâre now laying on your couch, kitchen light flickering behind you â you would change it, but chris usually always offered to â watching a show with a bag of popcorn sitting open on the floor.
you havenât made any effort the past week, your messy hair tied in a bun as you flicked through netflix. youâd watched a bunch of shows the past week, a few good movies, and honestly there wasnât much left to watch. nonetheless, youâre trying to find some holiday movie to cheer you up.
ring! ring! ring!
your phone rang from the coffee table. you reach to grab it, not getting off the couch as you grab your device. your relaxed expression quickly perks up the second you see the caller id.
LOSER NOT WORTH MENTIONING!!!
your friend had changed chrisâ caller id to make sure you knew, but you unblocked him when she left. youâre not sure what to do, but you have to make the split second decision.
âhello?â
âhey, itâs meâ
âno shit.â itâs meaner than you intended, but you canât seem to care. âlook, i feel bad about what happened. you just walked out, i didnât know what to do.â
âwhat did i do wrong? why couldnât you love me? did you ever love me?â questions pour from your lips as you sit up a bit more now.
a sigh comes from chrisâ end of the line, âiâ itâs confusing.â he stutters. âitâs really not. did you or did you not love me.â
âi did.â
âthen whyâd you stop? i mean, itâs hard for me to see exactly where the hell i went wrong.â
âlookâ itâs just, i, i know youâre a great woman, but i donât think youâre meant for me.â he tried to let the words come out softly. âyour stuff is still here. nick misses you, babyââ
âdonât call me that.â
âiâ please, come back. nick said he wanted to talk to you and you should get your stuff.â
âthen nick can tell me that.â you moved the phone away from your ear to hang up, but chris protested loud enough to not hang up. âwaitâ donât hang up, please. i wanna make it better, i was mean to you.â
âyou donât care about me, chris. youâre just focused on making yourself the good guy.â
âwell, thatâs half true. i mean, i spoke to matt and nick and they told me to call youââ
âfuck you chris.â is all you say before you hang up, for real this time.
you could gather your stuff later â better yet, have nick collect them so the process was one and done â but you didnât want to think about that.
usually after something bad happened you would just hope it was for a good reason, but you were done.
youâve given up on luck.
tessaâs notes⌠been on my angst shit lately
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