#christmasromcom

Summary: Beautiful meteorologist and Your LL Bean Boyfriend go on a Christmas scavenger hunt. Also, Brad SUCKS.

I would give this movie props for having our leading lady in a STEM field, but I’d have to immediately rescind them, as we never once hear about her scientific work outside of mentioning that it’s the reason she’s so grumpy. Also, “local news meteorologist” is as close to “journalist” as you can get without just being a TV reporter, so it’s low-effort on the part of the writers.

The movie opens on our leading lady Harper, played by Jessica Sipos, complaining about Christmas while covering the weather at a skating rink. This is to establish that Harper is a Grinch who hates holidays, happiness, and cheer. She argues with her sound guy about how people who believe in Christmas magic are silly when he tries to get her to admit that snow is formed by Christmas magic. (This rubbed me the wrong way because, frankly, snow is an amazing feat of nature and science, and Christmas magic should not get credit for it). She then has an embarrassing interaction with a group of adorable white children to establish that she’s NOT Good With Kids, but this never matters again in the movie so I imagine they just included it to confirm her Grinch status. She then has a phone argument with Brad, her coworker/boyfriend who SUCKS, because he forgot that he’s supposed to meet her parents tonight and he’s at work at the newsdesk instead.

Harper gets to her family home by herself and hangs out with her BFF/neighbor Elle. They realize that - gasp! - Elle has accidentally gotten rid of Harper’s family’s traditional mistletoe. I think it’s supposed to be real mistletoe, passed down through generations - does mistletoe keep? - and Harper decides she needs to track down this mistletoe for her family dinner tonight. There’s more conversation about how Harper is a Grinch who doesn’t like Christmas just to hit us over the head with her practicality and stoicism and love of Science, because every adult in this movie but her believes in magic and miracles. Harper goes to hunt down the mistletoe the very next day at the thrift store Elle took it to.

Enter our leading man Luke, played by the handsome Stephen Huszar, who is the manager of the thrift store. (Actually, we learn later that Luke founded the CHAIN of thrift stores he works at and he has a law degree, because having a working-class retail employee as a leading man is not acceptable). 

Luke knows Harper from school when he used to be chubby and a nerd. He’s hot now, though, so Harper doesn’t recognize him. She begs him for help finding her family’s magic mistletoe and he agrees to escort her through a wild good chase that has them travel to: his aunt’s house; the Mall to meet Santa (who, as I understand it, is the real Santa); a fake Christmas tree stand (where the characters carry out an elaborate after-school special about how using a fake Christmas tree benefits the environment); and a dive bar. There’s also a montage in the middle of all this where Harper models cute Christmas-themed outfits from his thrift store so she can dress for dinner. Throughout, Harper is getting messages from Brad (who SUCKS) about how his work is a priority and for some reason doesn’t realize she’s allowed to have standards about her romantic partner’s commitment to their relationship.

So Harper and Luke make it to their last stop, the dive bar that is closed for Christmas but for some reason still has a bouncer stationed outside. (Seriously, who wrote this? What reason would he have to be guarding the entrance of a closed bar? Does he live there?) 

Harper’s mistletoe is inside the bar and they need to get it - but luckily, the bar owner is there (again, why?) and happens to LOVE METEOROLOGY. Harper’s STEM field becomes briefly relevant in an off-screen interaction where she apparently blinds the bar owner with science enough to convince him to give her the mistletoe.

In one last sucker punch, it turns out it's the !!!wROnG miStLetOe!!!, and Brad dumps Harper in a text (because he SUCKS). Harper gets all snappy at Luke for no reason and runs off angrily, to go home and break the news to her family that she’s newly single and she doesn’t have the beloved mistletoe. Worry not! Luke shows up; he found the real mistletoe; Christmas is Saved; they all agree Brad SUCKS.

Other complaints about this one: 

The soundtrack is a terrible mix of made-for-TV Christmas pop songs that would be more appropriate for torturing your enemies.

The only people of color are the sound guy in the first two minutes and the bouncer in the final act, totaling about eight minutes of screentime in a movie that supposedly takes place in a major metro area.

Stephen Huszar overacts so hard I’m shocked he didn’t sprain something. 

I’ve reviewed several terrible movies in a row so let’s head back to The Spirit of Christmas (Dec 3). I’d like to show romantic writing that’s effective so we can contrast it to the garbage I’ve been wallowing in.

To recap the plot: Kate, a beautiful workaholic estate lawyer, is tasked with appraising and selling the Hollygrove Inn, a charming historic B&B. Daniel, the handsome Prohibition-era ghost haunting the Inn, is scaring away potential buyers. Kate vows to help him pass on. Romance ensues. The scene below occurs after Kate agrees to help Daniel cross over, Daniel shares much of his life story, and they become tentative friends (and yes, they’re decorating a Christmas tree):

This scene shows, in a shockingly competent way, a crucial step in falling in love that’s often missing from these movies: shared vulnerability. In the scenes preceding this one, Kate and Daniel spend a lot of time together picking apart Daniel’s horrific experiences and personal flaws that may have led up to his haunting. In this scene, Daniel voices a totally reasonable expectation of equivocal emotional vulnerability. He recognizes that he has exposed intimate details of his life and death to Kate and, respectfully and with good humour, requests she equalize their positions by sharing information about her personal life. 

Kate admits that she’s never been in love, that she wants to be, but doesn’t think she knows how. As a critical thinker, Kate thinks that falling in love is something that you learn. You might need instructions for it, or a model to study. Daniel objects to this idea. You could argue that he’s mansplaining her feelings to her, but you could also argue that Daniel, who has been in love, sees qualities of compassion and devotion in Kate that she can’t see in herself.

So yeah, this movie adequately and competently convinces the viewers that its romantic leads are actually falling in love, which is bolstered by the fact that even by the end of the movie they never tell each other they love each other, because only idiots think you can fall in love in the span of twelve days. The closest they come this scene where Kate tells Daniel that she’ll continue to visit him if they fail at getting him to pass on:

In fact, just before Daniel is recorporealized, he has to make a choice about whether to join his fiance Lilly in the afterlife or stay with Kate, and he’s not sure. It’s a struggle for him.

And when he is somehow re-corporealized (again, still not clear on the supernatural rules in this movie’s universe), he tells Kate:

Finally, I’ll leave you with some snippets that support their falling in love story for your viewing pleasure:

>> Kate grabbing Daniel’s hand and you know it’s the first human touch he’s felt in 95 years 

>> Daniel and Kate admitting to each other they wish she could buy his inn so at the very least she would own the place he’s haunting for eternity 

>> Daniel mixing a cocktail for himself and then handing it to Kate even though she has a full martini

>> Daniel smiling to himself because he’s happy to see Kate after she’s been gone for a few days of lawyering

>> Bonus Daniel looking fly at the ironing board

FYI: This movie is terrible. It does have going for it the beautiful and talented Cindy Sampson, known for Supernatural; also, there’s a slightly dark running joke about the Donner Party in this movie that I was a little surprised to see in a Hallmark movie, but I guess times have changed. There’s also a not-small amount of stalking and a variation of the Men Are Talking trope throughout.

Cindy Sampson plays Addie, a beautiful, single event-planner in her 30s who has a meet-cute with the handsome lawyer Sam, played by Robin Dunne. They literally bump into each other in the hallway of their shared apartment complex, and Addie develops a crush on Sam. Later, while having Christmas Tea with another neighbor, the spunky, elderly Mrs. Motley, Addie makes a wish on a falling star that her neighbor would fall in love with her. 

Unfortunately, her wish lands on the WRONG NEIGHBOR! whose name is Pete. Pete falls madly in love with Addie, which, in rom-com terms, means he stalks her relentlessly to the point where she is sneaking in and out of her apartment to avoid having him accost her in the hallway or force himself into her apartment. Pete even shows up at her job to take her out to dinner:

Addie, in true rom-com style, tolerates Pete’s horrifying, often illegal intrusions with token feminine annoyance. Addie claims she blames herself for his behavior several times - “This is all my fault!” - because the falling-star Christmas Wish is what is ostensibly causing Pete to stalk her. As an audience we’re meant to absolve Pete somewhat because his feelings aren’t his fault. I’m not sure where the writers and directors of this movie conflate Pete’s uncontrollable feelings with his deliberate actions. I guess the real travesty is that we live in a world where it’s at least somewhat acceptable that a man demonstrates love by incessantly wearing down the woman he’s in love with until she doesn’t have the energy to fight him off.

Meanwhile, Addie manages to have several dates with Sam, where they establish a true connection with one another. Each date is, of course, spoiled by Pete vying for Addie’s affections. Rather than invoking physical comedy, this plays into the Men Are Talking trope. Every time Pete shows up, Sam ignores Addie’s fervent claims that she is NOT in love with Pete and trudges away sadly, assuming that Addie really is super into this random guy who keeps crashing their dates. Personally, I think calling 911 to have him detained might kill that Christmas Magic a little bit, but that’s just me.

Addie has several more Christmas Teas with Mrs. Motley, who, for some reason, knows all the technicalities about Christmas magic and wishes and counsels Addie in getting  Pete to fall out of love with her. By the end of the movie, Addie has learned that Pete had a fiance before he became obsessed with her, and Sam and colleague Drea are enlisted to help Pete fall back in love with his fiance to deflect his attention from Addie. (Notably, Sam believes her about the Christmas Magic for some reason, even though he wouldn’t take her word about not being interested in Pete.) Their attempts consistently fail, however, but rather than seek out some magic-based solution, the four of them bail, and are prepared to let Addie spend the rest of her life being stalked by Pete. 

The story culminates at a Christmas party Addie and Drea plan for the wealthy Donner family, where Addie is able to make another wish on some falling star-shaped confetti - the wish that she’s able to be honest about her feelings to her friends, her family, and her next-door neighbor. Even though she’s been honest the whole time - dudes can’t hear her over the sound of their own voices. Sam finds Addie as she’s leaving the party and apologizes, then confesses his feelings for her - which, again, is not the first time he’s told her this, and I don’t know why this honesty wish is where the writers went with this, but there we are.

SPOILERS: They kiss and make up and are assumed to be dating. The best part of the story is Drea, played by supporting actress Erica Deutschman, who gets the only funny lines and is a great comic relief.  This movie is terrible. One star.