#choosekind

💬 «Человечность — не про любовь ко всем. Про уважение к жизни.» — Далай-лама 🖤 Вторник — не рутина. Это когда ноябрь делает тебя жёстче, но ты выбираешь не озлобиться. ❤️ В конфликте любовь — это не победа, а сохранение достоинства другого. 😈 «Ты ненавидишь, чтобы чувствовать себя правым(ой)? Отлично. А когда в последний раз выбрал(а) уважение?» ⚡ Ты можешь не соглашаться — и всё равно быть добрым(ой).

Did you know that your brain’s storage capacity is considered virtually unlimited? I like to think that I have a pretty exceptional brain…Really, WE all have exceptional brains. The brain itself is an EXCEPTIONAL muscle. Rhetorically speaking, I have a question for you all…When your kid does something 100% down-right-stupid, how many of you (you = parents) respond with something along the lines of “WHAT IN THE H.E.L.L. WERE YOU THINKING?!” AND how many of you follow that initial response with some kind of knee-jerk-reaction kind of punishment, such as, “YOU ARE GROUNDED” or ”GET TO YOUR ROOM”? Let me tell you a fun/little/fact about the way our brain “grows up” with us...

Your brain isn't fully formed until age 25. Brain development begins from the back of the brain and works its way to the front. Therefore, your frontal lobes, which control planning and reasoning, are the last to strengthen and structure connections.

Keep it real with yourself…and I will keep it real with you. My oldest kid is 5 and there are so many times I find myself asking him the “what are you thinking” question. And 10 years from now, when he is 15, I am sure I will find myself yelling (or at least wanting too) those exact same secondary thoughts, MY thoughts turned reaction, AT him. Before we go any further, I am going to share one more fun fact with you -

One of the biggest differences researchers have found between adults and adolescents is the pre-frontal cortex. This part of the brain is still developing in teens and doesn’t complete its growth until approximately early to mid 20’s. The prefrontal cortex performs reasoning, planning, judgment, and impulse control, necessities for being an adult. Without the fully development prefrontal cortex, a teen might make poor decisions and lack the inability to discern whether a situation is safe. Teens tend to experiment with risky behavior and don’t fully recognize the consequences of their choices.

My point is, we all have expectations. And we all have some SERIOUS expectations that we raise GOOD/SOLID/SMART members of society before we release them into the wild. But - that isn’t, or shouldn’t, be the point. I mean - yes, it should, BUT, people & kiddos make SOLID FUCKING MISTAKES sometimes. And sometimes, they need more than a SOLID PUNISHMENT. Sometimes, they just need us to listen and understand. And BE FUCKING REAL…you made the same damn mistakes when you were their age too. And if you didn’t turn out okay, it is most likely because you made a different choice NOT TO TURN OUT OKAY. 

We need to break this down more as parents. Or at least take more of the responsibility for the shit that is going on in our world right now. We need to understand that what we “do” to our kids at home, is taught and instilled in their itty-bity-less-than-full-grown brains and then they take that “behavior” to school and out with their friends. Kids don’t typically just become bullies. They don’t typically just show up to school with a gun and decide to end another’s life. Kids are born good/solid/smart human-beings and it’s our behavior, and less than mature selves, that mold them. 

Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying ignore the bad moments and let the kids rule the world by doing whatever-da-fuq-dey-want. All I am saying, is that sometimes, punishment and discipline isn’t the answer. Sometimes, the bad behavior, is caused by mental health issues - aka issues within the brain. To be blunt, I am saying, sometimes, you need to shut the fuck up at home and listen to your kids. Ask your kids different questions. Raise them to be kind, rather than smart. Mold them to be strong themselves, even when they fuck up. Prepare them to “fly” for when it comes time to let them.