#chillcat

They’re finally here! It’s the Wacky Critters! They are reaaaaal

So basically this is a Roger Rabbit/Bonkers/Animaniacs/Tiny Toons inspired AU, in which Critters are toons! And as most toons do, they get into wacky shenanigans!

Let’s meet the gang!

If you know me well you’ll know that my ATA AU isn’t the first time I’ve made an AU that’s just “taking characters from a horror game and injecting silliness into them”

Bearitone shook slightly in her seat backstage. The eyes of nearly two hundred people would soon be on her, waiting to see if her music really was as good as they said. She was nervous...

She and Abracadoodle had gotten into another argument again over whose talent was better; Music or Magic? They ended up somehow literally face to face arguing, when Funday suggested they have a public head-to-head competition to see who's really the better performer. At first they thought he was joking, but then Comic and Bouncebun offered to make and post fliers, Dizzy said he'd make the stage, Piggy started practicing warm-up jokes...

At that point neither wanted to back down, either to not disappoint their friends or out of fear the other might claim victory by default. And they'd all worked so hard to set this up for them...

But now, Bearitone was having second thoughts. She'd performed in front of people before, sure, but this was at least a hundred! In fact, if it wasn't for her friends all eagerly watching on, she'd have already given up and gone home for dinner. She also couldn't shake the feeling she was forgetting something... She glanced over at Doodle. His leg was bobbing up and down rapidly, and his brow was already slick with sweat. His face was one of clear and obvious worry, and he was shuffling his cards over and over again, occasionally checking his watch. Bearitone's stomach dropped. Her scales! She hadn't practiced at all that day! Or the day before... or... Nevermind, point was, she'd been so preoccupied with what she'd sing, and getting over her nerves when she heard how many people'd be coming, she forgot to practice!

She blushed Vermillion. 'Oh Great Kreeping Koalas...' She keeled forward and muttered into her lap, gripping the fluff at her temples. She wasn't even warmed up yet...

'No. No, I mustn't give up! I'll just have to warm up now, yeah... *AHEM!* A proper copper coffee pot, proper copper coffee pot, proper copper coffee pot... Red yellow lolly lorry, yellow red lolly lorry, Red yellow lolly lorry, yellow red lolly lorry...'

There was a loud 'WOAH!' and a thump from onstage, and the crowd erupted in laughter. 'Thank you Ladies and Gentlemen, you've been a great audience! Be sure to tip your salmon and try the waiters! I'll be here forever! You've been warned! Goodnight!' To the sounds of cheers, Piggypuns walked backstage, still covered in whipped cream pie and with her propeller hat whirling from the slapstick overload. That means her opening comedy variety act is over...

She flinched as Piggy touched her arm on her way past.

'Break a leg Bearitone. I'm sure you'll be un-bear-ably good! Ha ha ha! Get it? Bear-ably? Eh? Eh?'

Bearitone laughed weakly, as anything more and she might have started dry heaving. She'd have to go on now, there's no more delaying it... Looking back, she sees 'Doodle now feverishly pulling items from his hat, nodding when he produced something important to his act and visibly freaking out when he pulled out something that wasn't a long scarf or specific cards. Feeling more confident she'd win, Bearitone gritted her teeth and walked out onstage.

The laughing crowd soon shushed each other into silence and waited with bated breath for the first of the two performers to begin. Bearitone gulped and tried to steady her breathing, mouthing a song request to the musicians off to the side. The band began to play and...

'Oh I big farewell to the ports and the land, And I paddled away from brave England's white sands, To search for my long ago forgotten friends. To search for the place I hear all sailors end.'

It wouldn't be her first choice (This one was meant to come around the midpoint) But her voice needed some warming up, and it would also get the crowd in the mood; A touching sailor's song about the guilt of losing your crew.

'I remember the fallen and they think of me.... For our souls in the ocean, Together will be...'

She held the last note for just a second or two, quavering slightly. There was a silence...

Then the crowd applauded with unflappable enthusiasm! Bearitone smiled and sighed in relief. She moved onto her next song, a more fast-paced one. And again, when she finished, everyone went wild. Her singing was clearly a greater talent than 'Doodle's silly tricks! The more she sang, the confident she felt, and she began making changes to her song schedule. She began singing faster, louder, more impressive songs. Arias, touching dirges, even an opera ballad, 'Cara Mia addio'

She poured out her heart into the song, chills creeping up her spine as the band struck up the melody alongside her. She closed her eyes and went into the zone, imagining she really was saying goodbye to her daughter for her own good. However, as she reached the climax of the song...

'La mia bambina cara, peEerchéÉÉe non passi lontana-'

Underlying stress, not properly warming up or practicing her scales and the sudden high note made her voice... Crack. She spluttered and coughed, missing the next line altogether. All eyes were on her, some looking confused, others amused. She tried to continue despite the red flushing in her face, until they came to an instrumental section. Looking down into the front row, she saw her friends all looking back up at her. Most of them looked concerned, especially Funday and Dizzy, but Bounce was laughing out loud and comic giggling into her hooves. Soon, a fair few had followed their lead and started laughing along with them. Bearitone blushed red enough to be seen from right at the back off the crowd. She hoped things would calm down again after that, but her voice squeaked once again on the final note, causing the crowd to burst back into peals of laughter.

As she continued, it was like she had jinxed herself. On almost every high note, fast section, or sometimes randomly, her voice squeaked and broke. Half of the audience was In tears or on the floor clutching their sides. Bearitone took one last look at the crowd before running offstage, still with half her songs to go, her hat pulled low to obscure the tears falling from her eyes.

Piggy stepped back onto stage with microphone in hand, awkwardly chuckling. She glanced back, concerned for Bearitone, before reaching centre stage.

'Well... That was Bearitone! Voice like a biblically accurate angel. Heh heh... Anyway, onto our second and final act of the evening! Please put your wings together and your beaks shut for the fantabulous, miraculous, Abracadoodle!!'

Piggy retreated offstage as the crowd clapped for 'Doodle... But he didn't run on. People started muttering, wasn't he going to-

*BANG!!*

In a puff of pineapple-yellow smoke A cabinet appeared. In a similar fashion, Doodle appeared, on top of the wardrobe. He gracefully jumped down and graciously bowed at the crowd's amazed cheers.

'Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For Tonight only, I bring to you wondrous feats that will be sure to astound, amaze and delight!'

'Doodle stabbed his wand upwards to punctuate his words, the last one sending up a tongue of flame that curled into a snake, before shattering into a cluster of feathers. 'Doodle caught these in his tophat, shaking it upside down briefly to show they had disappeared. He then squinted pensively into the crowd while pointing at various people.

'For my first trick, I need a volunteer. I choose...' He grasped the cabinet doors, and a bewildered-looking goose fell out. 'You!' He helped her up and shook her wing while the audience gazed at the now empty seat she'd been sitting in.

Doodle starts a bit of banter with the goose, easing her nerves at being put on the spot. As he reached into his tophat however, he spies Bearitone in the wings. She's staring at him and clearly in silent tears. He makes eye contact and can see the sadness in her whole body. Like she already knows she's going to lose...

Doodle internally sighs as buries his arm up to the elbow into his tophat; 'Just a second... We need a deck of cards for this first trick...' He rummages for another second- 'Ahh! Here we go, deck of-' Instead, when he pulls out his arm, he's holding an old floppy teddy bear wearing a purple sequinned vest and with a wand in his hand. 'OH LORD- Uh, Whoops! How on earth did you get there Mr Sparkles? Heh ehh heh heh...' 'Doodle giggled nervously as the crowd chuckled at the mix-up, before pulling out an actual deck of cards.

The rest of the act goes on with similar 'Accidents'; Doodle takes 5 tries to guess the card right. Doodle accidentally drops one of the plates he's floating in midair on his head and spins around comically at the impact. Doddle's wand accidentally goes all floppy and soggy while doing a trick and has to wait like 5 minutes waiting for it to dry up enough to use, so he just sits down and pulls out a newspaper.

In this time, Bearitone stops crying. Then she starts to smile a little. By the time he's getting pecked at by the doves he just conjured, she's laughing her head off. Ordinarily, she wouldn't; Partly because the tricks are mediocre at best, but mostly because Doodle is her friend. But, maybe due to her deep sadness, stress and/or exhaustion, for some reason his little impromptu slapstick routine has just gotten her laughing much more than it normally would.

During the finale, Doodle brought out a Chinese water torture cell, silencing the remaining laughter. Pouring a seemingly endless stream of water from his tophat, 'Doodle once again called an audience member up to blindfold him and to restrain his feet, hands, arms and even individual talons. He was then suspended by the stocks around his ankles, somehow with his hat not falling off, and lowered into the box. For nearly a minute he only gently moves slightly, Before with a small *pop!* noise only audible to Bearitone, he disappears. One second he's there, the next he simply isn't, leaving his tophat floating in the tank. Nearly two hundred people audibly gasp, before breaking into tenebrous applause, that was amazing!

...'Doodle then runs back onstage without his hat on, sheepishly trying to cover the rest of his 'Naked' body with his arms. He fumbles with the locks, grabs his tophat from the tank, sighs in relief and nervously runs offstage again. The audience start laughing anew, applauding his comedic withdrawal.

As he's exiting stage left, Bearitone runs after him. She eventually catches up and grabs his shoulder to stop him. He turns, and she grabs his hand, looking him right in the eye.

'Thank you. That was really kind of you. To throw your magic act like that, for me...' He shrugged. 'Well, it wouldn't have been a fair win anyway, so I thought I might as well not try.' Bearitone glares at him and his shoulders drop. 'Okay, fine. It wasn't fair how your voice broke like that, and I couldn't bear the thought of you having to watch me do the whole act without any serious slip-ups. I was worried about you. Happy now?' 'Very!'

She suddenly pulls him in for a hug, the strong, squeezy, slightly-painful-but-in-a-good-way kind that only a bear could give. Doodle gladly returns it with all his energy, though has to tap out once he runs out of oxygen.

'*GAAASP* *Cough cough* Ughhh... Oh, thanks for that- *cough!* Ugh, sorry... Anyway, uhh, you wanna... stay for the results?' '...Ok, sure. Come on.'

Bearitone grabbed his hand and led the two of them back onstage before she could change her mind. They entered to the thunderous clapping of the crowd. Bearitone thought they'd start laughing again when she stepped on, but no, they all look genuinely happy to see them, both of them! Then Piggy appeared and her insides squirmed with anxiety. 'Well ladies and gents, we counted the votes, and we've got a clear winner!' Bearitone took a deep breath and closed her eyes... '...ABRACADOODLE!!'

Her eyes opened and she watched, disappointed, as Piggy handed him a small gold medallion and he bowed to the crowd, though somewhat reluctantly. She let go of his hand and turned to leave. 'Ah ah ah Bearitone! my associates-' Funday happily waved up to her '-And I conferred and we've decided to confer you a special award...' She turned, hardly daring to believe. 'For the most soulful and dedicated performance, I am pleased to present this prize to... BEARITONE!!!'

She walked up to her and handed her a small cardboard medal with 'I.O.U 1 Medal' scribbled on the front with sharpie. 'uhh, yeah, you have until Monday to cache that, sooo....'

But she couldn't care less. Most soulful and dedicated... Her! She looked up at Doodle, smiling like a maniac. He grinned back. They both bowed and congratulated each other, then walked offstage to go home to hang up their prizes, hand still in hand.