#childofthewildone

i wish i was thereeee! aww i love how stephen keeps coming back, haha.

ugh is it bad?

Well it could be worse. Reblogging can't be done in new tabs anymore, which is outright annoying and not at all helpful.

Also the javascript of the textbox just refused to work and it ate the whole reply. I blame the NoScript Addon I have in Firefox but it might just as well be the new tumblr script fucking up.

... I DON’T THINK YOU REALIZE HOW HAPPY YOU ARE MAKING ME WITH THESE. *INCOHERENT SQUEEING*

childofthewildone.tumblr.com/post/41218966909/away-from-the-life-that-you-always-knew DON'T LOOK AT ME I'M EXPERIENCING SERIAL KILLER FEELINGS

Mh. Like this?

Derek isn't sure how Stiles takes to this life. He doesn't get killed, or runs off when Derek's back is turned, so Derek counts it as a success, but he's not okay either. Then again, if he were, Derek would worry about himself and ditch him, or possibly just break his neck – the kid just watched his only family die, he's not supposed to be okay.

He's silently sullen one minute, and restlessly recalcitrant the next. Nothing is easy with Stiles, that is the first thing Derek learns, because anything that would be Stiles delights in making difficult. At least he does still find delight in something, even if it is in torturing Derek.

And Stiles is… not without uses.

He's weak and slow and fragile, body and mind – not for a human, and he's not stupid, but he's a wrench in the cogs of Derek's routines, and unused, unsuited to a life lived on the road and dedicated to killing. Stiles hesitates, still. Just because someone has killed doesn't make them a killer, and Stiles has trouble seeing the hunters who killed his father in strangers. Derek keeps his expectations low, it'll save him from disappointment when Stiles breaks and gets himself killed or arrested.

What Stiles is good at, excels at even, is the abstract of killing. Give him a challenge, present a situation to him as a game of wit, and he'll find a way to make the impossible possible. It's not Derek's style, not his way of hunting, but it's the kind of chase that'll put a gleam into Stiles' eyes, that'll let his still conscience-burdened mind detach itself from the reality of what they are doing and treat it as an intellectual dance, a test, a contest, to be mastered quickly and thoroughly. Stiles likes to one-up people, and he's an arrogant little asshole. He's also wonderfully ruthless and pragmatic in the theory.

Maybe he's so good at planning whereas Derek always rushed in <i>because</i> he's so weak – any mistake that doesn't kill Derek won't even scar him, he's usually fine minutes after getting hurt, at worst needing a day or two to fully recover his strength after a poisoning, but Stiles is human and carries bruises for days, cuts for weeks, broken bones for months, Stiles could die stumbling over his own feet, so of course he needs to come up with elaborate plans for every potentially harmful situation he comes across.

It's an advantage. Derek is self-aware enough to know that his lack of foresight (of allowing himself to stop and think more than an ability to do so) has led to too many close calls, and too many opportunities passed up because he couldn't figure them out straight away and was too impatient to put in the work when there are always easier targets to be found elsewhere. Stiles doesn't like to back down on principle, and with him doing the footwork, gathering information (or sending Derek out to do it) and looking at it from as many different angles as necessary to find that one clear path inside, Derek has already taken down several groups that before he wouldn't have dreamed of tangling with and coming out on top.

The trick is to ease Stiles into it. To tangle it in front of him like a forbidden fruit, like something he's not allowed to have, isn't trusted to master, so he'll dig his own claws in and think and scheme and succeed only to prove a point. And to make sure Derek himself does the heavy lifting when it comes to the action, literally and figuratively. Stiles is fine with the theory of killing, but the reality of it still shocks him, catching on a lifetime of morals and law-abiding upbringing. He can plan a murder, can kill in self-defense, in the heat of the moment, but can't take a life in cold blood.

It'll come though. If he survives long enough to adapt he'll desensitize and grow used to it. This is how Derek started out, too, and now look at him.

The next time they come up against someone suitable, a woman maybe, harmless-looking, already wounded, armed with normal bullets that Derek can allow himself to be shot with, he will let himself get hurt. Put Stiles on the spot, force his hand in the face of someone he instinctively would want to pity and have mercy for by taking away the convenience of having Derek do the dirty work. He'll present Stiles with a situation that'll make it easier for him to actively decide to kill.

Derek may not be entirely sure how Stiles is holding up behind his insomnia and bouts of choking on nothing while his heart beats out of his chest and he panics over nothing, but he's still there, and if he's supposed to grow stronger instead of heading for a complete breakdown that might very well take Derek down with him, then Derek will have to ease him into this.  

childofthewildone replied to your post: I am making a spreadsheet to organize my tv shows...

you have to show us when you’re done!

you're all being so encouraging omg noooo this isn't something normal people doooo