Match #1: Singles Contest
John Francis of Coronado vs. Jakob Hammermeier w/Der Wildebeest
John Francis is starting to morph into this weird mish-mash of previous American-hero types, as he used the big boot and legdrop, several of John Cena’s moves, the Angle Slam, and the ankle lock. I’m not sure how to feel about that. Anyways, the ankle lock made Jakob submit.
WINNER: John Francis of Coronado (1 point)
Match #2: Tag Contest, Campeonatos de Parejas Defense #1
Travis Huckabee and Tony Deppen vs. Lucas Calhoun and Stray Kat
First fall went to F.I.S.T. with a small package on Calhoun after a corner kick doubleteam...and then the second fall went to them as well, as Deppen hit a double stomp on Kat while Huckabee had her in the stretch muffler.
For how long we had to wait for this first defense, F.I.S.T. taking it in two straight is a bit of a disappointment for me, though at the same time it also conveys the renewed dominance that F.I.S.T. has displayed lately.
WINNERS: Travis Huckabee and Tony Deppen
Match #3: Singles Contest
Missile Assault Man vs. Kobald
MAM got the win by submitting Kobald with the Sharpshooter, then was attacked by Hallowicked and Frightmare. Lucas Calhoun and Stray Kat came to MAM’s aid, with Calhoun telling MAM that he couldn’t fight the world alone before they shook hands. Trio #15?
WINNER: Missile Assault Man (1 point)
Match #4: Singles Contest
Fire Ant vs. Cajun Crawdad
Crawdad spent the entire match trying to blind Fire, but got put away with a brainbuster after Fire got sick of that.
WINNER: Fire Ant (1 point)
Match #5: Singles Contest
BLANK vs. Penelope Ford
This is prob’ly Ford’s last CHIKARA match, as she’s full time with AEW starting next month. Accordingly, BLANK ended his obsession with the Color Wheel. Post-match, he called out Still Life for King of Trios.
Considering that we haven’t actually gotten much of a reason for the breakup of the Nouveau Aesthetic beyond BLANK’s obsession with Ford and Still Life having other things to do, it’s weird that we get to this point right now and not, say, at the Season finale or something.
WINNER: BLANK (1 point)
Match #6: Singles Contest, Grand Championship Defense #1 (as undisputed champion)
Dasher Hatfield vs. Mick Moretti
Lot of interesting notes described to me from commentary. Technically, this is Dasher’s eighth defense, though first as undisputed champion. Moretti’s facepaint resembled that of one of the Baseball Furies from The Warriors, with suggestions that he was using it to get under Dasher’s skin. Most harshly, Sidney Bakabella claimed that Dasher asked for the match to go on early so he could go home and be with his kids...even though Boomer’s match was on later. See? Toxic!
Described as a hot back and forth match, and Dasher successfully retained.
WINNER: Dasher Hatfield
INTERMI...no, not quite, pre-taped interview from Ophidian hyping up Matt Makowski. Someone possibly jumped the gun with that, but considering how disruptive the Crucible’s been lately, it fit right in with their modus operandi. Then INTERMISSION.
It’s time for the Crucible’s presence on this show, as the ropes are down and Ophidian brings out his entire cadre including their referee.
Match #7: Crucible Exhibition #1
Matt Makowski vs...
Thief Ant is out to answer the challenge, but is shut down fairly quickly and made to tap out with a cross armbreaker.
WINNER: Matt Makowski (1 point...I guess? If our esteemed Director of Fun is legitimatizing this whole thing...)
Match #8: Crucible Exhibition #2
Evan Matthew Demorest vs...
Still Life answers this one, to a huge reaction from the crowd. Unfortunately for Still Life, they didn’t fare any better than Thief, and the match was stopped after they were knocked out with the Demoralizer (a variant of the Last Ride powerbomb).
WINNER: Evan Matthew Demorest (1 point...I guess? It’s being treated as a legit part of the show...)
Ophidian issues a third open challenge on the behalf of Tunku Amir...
Match #9: Crucible Exhibition #3
Tunku Amir vs...
...which is answered by a voice in the crowd screaming “I WILL!” and Jawbreaker Josue/Joey, accompanied by Xavier Faraday and Josh Wells, appears. Joey scored what looks to be the first actual victory against the Crucible cadre, forcing Amir to submit, then racing out of the building with Wells and Faraday, leaving Ophidian to fume and berate Amir before leading his followers out.
WINNER: Jawbreaker Josue/Joey (1 point...I guess? Didn’t go Ophidian’s way...)
INTERMISSION AGAIN
Mike Quackenbush is out to address the crowd. As he apparently suffered an injury at Earning The Lucha Libre Merit Badge, he’s withdrawing from his match on here, and has handpicked Hallowicked as Joey Janela’s opponent.
Match #10: Singles Contest
Hallowicked vs. Joey Janela
In what’s prob’ly Janela’s last CHIKARA match as well (same situation as Ford), he scored the victory with a top rope elbow drop.
I don’t get why that happened, but it did. Hopefully some kind of deal can be worked out with AEW, so that he can at least come back and not sit in the inactive part of the standings.
WINNER: Joey Janela (1 point)
Match #11: Trios Contest
The Crucible (Lance Steel, The Whisper, and Devantes) vs. the Creatures of the Deep (Oceanea, Merlok, and Hermit Crab)
Bouncing back from their utter humiliation earlier in the show, the Crucible returned to form here, as Devantes pinned Merlok after a TKO. Post-match, the Queen of the Deep was not happy in the slightest with her charges, berating and hitting the big fish in her fury, then told her subjects that they’d regret it if they kept losing.
Oceanea, I love ya but they’ve been losing all along and you haven’t done a thing about it, what makes you think they’re going to take that threat seriously?
WINNERS: The Crucible
Match #12: Singles Contest
Princess Kimberlee vs. Solo Darling
Kim returned to CHIKARA in strong fashion, defeating Solo with the Alligator Clutch after a Ganso Bomb. Post-match, she shook Solo’s hand, then addressed everything that has been going on. (Below is the transcription, provided by Freakin’ Awesome Network forum lildude8218)
"This is just Kimber Lee here for a minute. I need to get real with you guys. Everybody has a past. Every single person here. And in Pittsburgh mine hit me smack in the face. It's something I've ran from for SO LONG and so far even to the point where I gave up my crown to keep this hidden from you. I was a different person in the past, everything you heard it wasn't wrong. I did use Lance Steel as a stepping stool to get where I am. But here's the thing: in life we all do things we regret but it's what you do afterwards that defines who you are. And I am a different person now. So this crown jewel is going to do whatever it takes to make things right."
Ophidian interrupts her. "I know how you can make peace with your past. You call yourself the Princess. The Crown Jewel. But you have no kingdom. You have no purpose. The way to make peace with Lance Steel and the Whisper is by becoming a resource of the Crucible." He tells the Whisper to get in the ring and pay his respect. He tells Kim to do the same. She does. "Your new purpose is to lead me and my team to victory at King of Trios. Leave!"
So yes, the deep, dark secret that Princess Kimberlee has been harboring for years, the one that she left CHIKARA to protect, the one that she let herself be first blackmailed over and now outright conscripted, is that she was a jerk to Knight Eye 4 The Pirate Guy years ago. This is something that everyone paying attention to Wrestling is Fun! at the time already knew, that anyone not in the know could easily look up, and that I’ve never seen anything even remotely resembling an outcry over.
The past is past. People change. We all know that. Dwelling on regrets and holding onto things long past their relevance isn’t healthy. Why Kim let herself be bothered by something like that this far into the future from it is...concerning. Perhaps she’s weaker-willed than we all thought. Who knows?
WINNER: Princess Kimberlee (1 point)
Match #13: Singles Contest
Volgar w/Professor Hugo Nicodemus vs. Boomer Hatfield
Boomer tried his best to fight back from the underdog position, even nearly surprising Volgar with a bulldog off the top, but Volgar scored the victory in the end.
WINNER: Volgar (1 point)
Match #14: Tag Contest
Xyberhawx 2000 (Danjerhawk and Razerhawk) vs. Cornelius Crummels and Sonny DeFarge
Danjer scored the win for his team with an O’Connor Roll pin on Crummels. Man, those legitimate businessmen can’t catch a break lately, can they?
WINNERS: Xyberhawx 2000 (1 point)
Match #15: MAIN EVENT, Singles Contest, JKI Finals
Green Ant vs. Ophidian
Green Ant attempted some psychological warfare by coming out with an Ophidian mask on over his own, but Ophidian wasn’t having any of it and bumrushed him (and even rolled out of the CHIKARA Special) before tapping him out. Post-match, the Crucible paid their respects to end the show.
WINNER: Ophidian (1 point...JKI is one point per round adding up to the three)
