My biggest queer embarrassment, especially as a Trans Woman, is that my first crush was the Wizards Chess Queen from the first Harry Potter film. I've already talked about how no one should support the franchise or Rowling. But the thing is that really was my first crush.
And the thing is, I didn't even know what sex was, because I was like 10 or maybe younger. But I imagined the Chess Queen doing truly unholy things to me. Like, my light masochistic tendencies is probably is linked to it in part. Because I remember watching the movie, and saw the Chess Queen destroy other chess pieces and think "gosh I wish that were me."
And there was just something about her size and armour. It was literally the "mommy. sorry. mommy. sorry. mom-" meme except I was in middle school and didn't know about any of that stuff. Probably also the root of my deep fixation with strong women in armour in media. Like, that fixation isn't fundamentally sexual, but there is an element of that to it. And it probs started here.
All of that together was literally the Dean Pelton "this better not awaken anything in me" meme.
And the funny thing is she is not even sexualized. Aside from the skirt, she has next to no feminine characteristics. Not even the high fantasy TM boob armour.
I fantasized about marrying her for YEARS. I had a Harry Potter Wizards Chess Set and I made sure that my Chess Queen never got captured during play. I lost chess games because of it.
Just genuinely embarrassing in many many ways. The fact that it is the Harry Potter franchise. The fact that it is a chess piece. The fact that it was in the movie for less than four minutes. The fact that it was my first crush.
So whenever you are embarrassed about your first crush from media, feel better about yourself because mine was a inanimate (or animate idk) object from a movie series which I now boycott.
