#chensaur

#02 Enchanting.

- May 05th, 2018

“You're up late today, son.” Jongdae winced under the stern glance of his father, fastening his steps as he made his way through the living room, with the kitchen as his destination.

He had ended up falling asleep around 5 in the morning, and now, five hours of nightmares and uncomfortable twisting and turning later, he had decided to get up and call it a night. He was sure you had already gotten up, not remembering a letter of the conversation you'd had with him, but he was worried.

Why did she do that?, he constantly questioned himself as he poured himself the rest of the instant coffee his father had prepared for breakfast, Why did she ask me about my feelings? Is she interested in me? He felt a tiny spark of hope flare up behind his sternum, but then again it also could have just been the heat of the beverage in his cup.  

He flipped the case of his phone aside and opened said conversation, shaking a bit when he saw your profile picture next to your name.

Do you love me?

I don't know, he kept whining in his head, How am I supposed to know? I'm eighteen years old, for fuck's sake. Frustrated, he slammed the phone shut again and sat down with a bowl of cereal in hand. I must have been out of my mind when I said yes- let her reread our conversation and she'll think I'm a creep. Shit.

~

As if on cue, his father stepped into the room the moment Jongdae hat put the last bit of milk in his mouth, spoon still hanging from his lips when the bowl was snatched away from him.

“Ey! Dad!”, he exclaimed, his father gifting him with another stern look.

“It's Saturday, Jongdae.”

“I wanted to at least eat some breakfast before I meet up with the guys and-”

“Didn't you promise me to help out today because you got home late yesterday?”

Ah, true. Detention had caused him to get home late yesterday. He mentally kicked Chanyeol, but then again, his friend had gotten the worst punishment ever after school in form of his harpy girlfriend.

“So... you really want me to help out at the clinic today?” His father simply nudged his shoulder, ignoring the pout on his Jongdae's face.

“Money is earned through hard work, son- especially when it comes to part-time jobs.”

“Uh-huh”, Jongdae answered, gulping down the rest of his still hot coffee -Seriously, how long had he sat down for breakfast? Five minutes?- and got up to follow his father through the entrance area and the white door that connected the living space of the house with the vet clinic his father owned.

“So, what can I help you with? Did the supplies arrive yet?” His father blinked at him, obviously impressed, nodded and motioned for Jongdae to go outside where the packages stood. “Nice. Let me stash them away for you.”

The elder nodded, a hand on his son's shoulder before he went back into the clinic. “If you need help, you know where your good old dad is.” But Jongdae quickly sent him back inside, happy to have something to do that would occupy him.

~

I must have been out of my mind.

Jongdae wondered if he had actually hoped to be able to forget about last night, or if he had wanted to reminisce in old memories when he'd told his dad he would take care of the delivered supplies. The more he got used to his task, the wider his thoughts trailed off into the distance, and whenever he set a foot into the storage room, all he could think about were the many times the two of you used to hide in there when you played hide-and-seek with the others.

He was sure that tending to the customers as they waited inside would have been much more effective than stashing away pills and cat food.

Do you love me?

“Morning! Nice weather, isn't it?” He greeted you, making his voice sound extra cheerful. His father snickered from inside the clinic. Oh, shit.

But his face fell for a moment when he saw you simply standing there, watching him with your eyebrows up, slightly chewing on your bottom lip. Another oh, shit moment, taking into count how pretty you looked with your hair down and your white skirt swaying in the gentle breeze.

Jongdae did his best to regain his confidence by clearing his throat.

“What? Cat's got your tongue?” He laughed, mentally shitting himself when he didn't see your face lighting up.

“Oh, good... morning”, you muttered, starting to shift under his intense gaze because it made you feel awkward, “I just didn't know we were... close enough to greet each other in public.”

Ouch.

“Of- of course we are, we're classmates. We should always greet each other, in and out of school!”

You mustered him up and down, making him feel like he shrunk down to bite-size under your earnest expression. “...I see. Well, are we done here? Since we greeted each other?” He released a sigh that fit his deflated expression and merely nodded, seeing you smile at him with a slight bow and starting to walk on, when-

“Please- wait, there's actually something I gotta ask-” Jongdae was relieved when you turned around on your heels and blinked at him, the edges of your mouth rising once more. He felt his stomach twist as the heat crept up his cheeks, unstoppable and cruel.

Do you love me?

It's either that or the sun's finally getting the best of me.

~

“You should have told me about the project for chemistry earlier! I could have grabbed my books and made my way here right away.” You exclaimed as Jongdae's father handed you a glass of juice, ice cubes clinking gently when you took a sip. “Chemistry is important to you, isn't it? Only if you still want to become a scientist in the future, that is.”

Jongdae nearly choked on a cube he was chewing on when he realized you had actually memorized a fact that was related to him, but his hopes where crushed right away when you mentioned you had skipped through your last year book because you had gotten curious about your friends' wishes for the future and had read about him there as well.

“I...”

He scratched his neck, obviously thinking of a smart remark he could surprise you with, when the voice of his dad came to his rescue.

“...So, Y/N, how is Nemo doing these days?” Mr. Kim directed his curious eyes at you while filling his own glass. “I haven't seen him strolling around our house for a while now.”

“I actually thought of paying you a visit with him today- he hasn't been eating at all today, but my  mom said he's never been that much of an eater, so it might be the weather?”

Jongdae furrowed his eyebrows, clearly remembering you telling Yeri about Nemo gobbling down a whole bowl of cat food within a minute. He also remembered you asking your mom for your allowance in advance because you had to buy him more food, and when she said no, you had begged Jongdae to gift you with cat food for your birthday four years ago.

“Well, Nemo's about 15 years old, after all. It could be the weather, or it could be that he's just becoming more lazy as he becomes older, but maybe you should bring him here regardless of that- you were supposed to come here for his yearly check-up in June, anyway.”

You nodded at that, visibly happy to have such a great vet to take care of Nemo, your furry best friend. “I'll try to pay you a visit with him on Monday, then.”

Jongdae, who had been getting more or less lost in his memories, his gaze fixated on your beaming face, shrinked a little when you suddenly directed your attention at him again.

“So, do you want to start with the chemistry project right away? I could go home and get my things for-”

Yes. Yes- Say yes for god's sake! An unknwon voice kept screaming in his head, screaming at him to give in to what seemed like his chance to spend some time alone with you, but the feeling of his heart thumping so fast that it seemed to be about to burst caused him to do otherwise.

“I, eh- Sorry, but I already have plans for today.” Jongdae was sure of his mind playing tricks on him, because, for a mere second, he thought he'd seen your face fall- but he was sure he'd been wrong when you smiled at him and his dad as you got up- obviously, you were getting ready to leave.

“In that case, I'll be on my way to the grocery store. It was nice to chat with the two of you- Mr. Kim, Jongdae.” You waved at them before grabbing your bag and exiting the back of their clinic.

Jongdae's gaze followed your swaying hair when he was suddenly nudged by his father, making him groan. “Dad-”

“I already told you when you were ten and I know it made you cry, but I'll disown you if you don't make her my in-law, Jongdae.”

Blushing, Jongdae got up, his dad handing him some money before he practically ran out to follow you.

~

“Didn't you say you were a bit short on time because you had plans today?” You eyed him curiously, raising your eyebrows a bit at the large smile that had been plastered on his face ever since he'd managed to take you to this ice cream parlor a few minutes away from the grocery store.

“Yeah, I mean, I don't think we'd have had enough time to finish the project today because of that.”

“Who are you meeting up with, by the way?” Jongdae took his time before answering, his mind fully captivated by the redness that was crawling up your neck and, finally, cheeks, or the sight of you fumbling with the hem of your dress to avoid eye contact.

“I'm... going to meet the guys- Chanyeol, Baekhyun, and a few others you might not really know.”

“Oh. I see... like a guys' night out?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “Not really- Y-you could even tag along if you want. There will be other girls you could chat or play with.”

Something in your chest stirred, causing you to look anything but pleased.

He had known. He'd noticed how perfect -well, regarding your actual relationship- everything had been going today. He'd been seeing you in town on your own a few times, greeting you and sometimes even chatting with you, but sooner or later, there'd always been something -someone- to distract you and pull you away from him. Today had been the day, and he wouldn’t have been Kim Jongdae if he hadn’t known how to ruin it for himself.

“What's up?” The burning sensation of his palm on your shoulder made you stop mid-action, your eyes darting upwards to meet his. Jongdae felt somewhat intimidated by the expression you were now gazing at him with, but it didn't make him feel uncomfortable at all. It was the first time in two years, he realized. The first time ever since his birthday two years ago, ever since you’d caused him to think you were feeling the way he did

Why did I even answer you? I should have apologized, nothing more. Stop getting so sentimental, Jongdae.

“I don't know if I should be honest with you, Kim Jongdae.” Your eyes darted back to the floor, head shaking merely as if to support your thoughts, negativities he wasn't supposed to hear. “I don't know if I should really trust you that far-” His breath got stuck somewhere between his nose and his lungs when you suddenly grabbed one of his hands with yours, and gosh, were they small. And soft. Jongdae would have bet on them even smelling good-

“But despite everything my friends keep telling me, despite everything that's written about you in my diary, I feel like I want to trust you.”

“You...” He barely withstood the urge to hold on to your hand, but he managed to gently push it away in the end. “I don't think you should be trusting someone like me, Y/N.”

“My diary says so, too- but somehow, meeting you like this made me feel otherwise.”

The boy scowled. He’d thought he’d heard wrong before, but- “Your... diary?”

You blushed, but went on either way. “Yes, well, it's rather something like a notebook I use to keep up with the most important details of my daily life. To remember the things I... I forget about.” It was weird for you to talk about something so... private, but it also felt good to have someone listen and you had to admit that, different from what your diary had said, Jongdae seemed to be a nice person- and a great listener. “I wonder what my friends would do if they saw me opening up to you that much.” You laughed a little, but stopped when you saw Jongdae's face darken.

“I'm sure they already would have pulled you away from me, just like they always do.” It was your time to furrow your brows. “They seem to think I'm a bad influence for someone like you- and they may be right, I don't know.”

“What makes you think that?” You wondered what he -someone like Jongdae- could have done to be pushed away by your small group of friends, who were both also kind and caring enough to take someone like you in. Instead of eagerly reaching for his hand, you grabbed the string of your bag for something like... an anchor in the midth of the mess that was your head. “Did something happen between our friends? You and one of the girls-”, you paused, taking a deep breath to calm your own nerves-” or even us?”

Jongdae felt your eagerness giving him goosebumps. Despite whatever he had thought before, he was sure that something deep, deep inside of you wanted to get close to him again- and seeing how you were seemingly pulled to him made him feel indescribably soft. Like the matching poles of two magnets someone kept pulling apart. He could practically feel his heart swell with every word of honesty you spoke- because lying, he guessed, was something you were not capable of. “I... Honestly, I don't know.”

He didn't want to risk hurting you by accidentally making you try to remember anything about yourself too much, but he had to admit he was just as curious as you. He still remembered the last day the two of you hung out freely, the last day he had made you laugh and carried your backpack. He had thought about it over and over again, but had never managed to find a reason for you to leave his side when he had thought that you'd -eventually, if only the heavens had been on his side-

felt just like him. “We stopped being close two years ago. Believe it or not, but I have no idea why.”

He saw your face fall, shoulders hanging, and it took him all of his self-discipline not to step up to you and engulf you in a hug. He could have easily done so, maybe you even wanted him to- and yet, he would have felt as if he was taking advantage of your situation. Jongdae was no coward (just sometimes, he secretly was), but taking your situation into count, he still wanted to leave the first steps of whatever the two of you were heading up to to you. He had been used to matching up to your pace, and he had promised himself he would never throw himself right at you (unless you wanted him to, and heck, how often did he catch himself thinking back to the old times, where you'd tug on his shirt for a hug)- he wanted to give you the space and time you needed to get used to him again, no matter how long it'd take.

So instead of getting closer, he shifted around awkwardly, his shoes causing the earth beneath them to scrunch a little. He nodded over to the parlor you’d been sitting next to for the time being. “So... you wanna go get some ice cream?”

But all you could do was shake your head. “I'm not sure if I'm still in the mood for ice cream...”

Jongdae bit his lip, this time unable to hold his hand back as it reached out to you on its own, a gentle pat on your back causing you to smile. “We could share? Eating something delicious may brighten your mood. What's your favourite flavour?”

You smiled at him, and his heart skipped a beat.

How could you not feel happier again, when Jongdae was trying so hard to cheer you up?

~

“You want to know about... what?”

You patiently waited while Yerim and Sooyoung looked at each other as if you'd just told them you'd move away tomorrow and never come back.

“I don't think there's anything worth knowing, sweetheart.” But Yerim's furrowed brows told you otherwise.

“I would like to know what happened between me and Jongdae”, you started, casually sipping on your shaken sweet tea. “ Something must have happened. I feel like we'd be much closer if it didn't- and he said he's clueless himself.”

You saw your friends scoffing in unision.  “He's what?!” Sooyoung slammed her hands on the table, half of the customers in the small café you'd met up in looking at her in shock. “He's a fucking idiot, Y/N, a fucking idiot! He's just as evil as his friends are!-”

“When did you even talk to him?”, Yerim asked as she yanked Sooyoung's butt back into her seat.

“Today. We met in front of his house and spontaneously went for ice cream.” You tried your hardest not to smile, but the glow on your face was impossible to hide. “I thought that if anyone would know, it should either be you or his friends.”

“Sweetie...” Yerim took your hands and gently pressed them while Sooyoung huffed and threw her head back, cheeks puffed in anger and frustration. “You know, it's not like we don't know about your feelings for Jongdae, but...”

“Yeri, stop. I don't want her to get close to these three pieces of garbage ever again. I gave Chanyeol another chance, and you saw what he made of it-”

“Why is this about you again, Sooyoung? Does each and every conversation have to revolve around you and that wanna-be-punk?”

“He's not- I mean, of course not”, the taller girl exclaimed, irritation washing over her face and revealing her inner state. “You know that all I want is to protect our friend from getting her heart broken over and over again- Park, Byun, Kim, they’re all the same kind of idiots. Insensitive, unbelievably mean and-”

“Girls, girls, girls- I fucking love him! ”, you threw in, both of your friends now looking at you, eyes wide and mouths agape. “This is my life, after all. I am a part of this group. I feel like I have every right to know about whatever happened between all of us.”

“It’s all in the past, sweetie, we should all calm down and think about what’s ahead of us, I guess”, Yeri patted your hand while Sooyoung raised her hand to order another round of tea and coffee for the three of you, but even the sugar-coated cookies she demanded as well could distract you.

“Sooyoung. Yeri. Please. You know me- my past, my future, everything’s unknown to me. The two of you are my number one source for everything that’s happened to me in the past years. What do you think I should do if even the two of you stop backing me up? What should I do with my future if I don’t even know who I am because my past is nothing but blurry?” Ugh, how you hated it to play that card- but it seemed to work just fine. 

“Sooyoung, I read about your break-up. Heck, I don’t even know how to comfort you because I barely even know what it’s like to love someone, to be loved, or to be broken up with and miss someone- I want that, too, no matter the outcome.” You leaned over to them, a pleading look on your face. You felt like crying, andeventually, it showed- because even if you had just started to act like a kicked puppy to convince them, it was true. You were scared of your future- but what scared you the most was spending your present without living. You still wanted to go out and have fun, live and love like everyone else. You were convinced that even for someone like you, romance was a possibility as long as your partner was someone who cared. Someone who tried- someone like him, you added in your head.

Just this once, please.

You saw the two of them exchanging glances, with Yeri biting her lip and Sooyoung blinking a tad bit too fast, trying to hide her watery eyes. “Fine, but... please don't swear again. Sooyoung's rubbing off on you way too much.”

“Stop babying me, Yeri. You're younger than me!” 

“Who cares about two months-” Sooyoung interrupting her by smacking the blonde's head made you crack up.

“What did you just say? I didn't hear you, Kim Yerim, I guess your bad hearing's rubbing off on me!”

~

Jongdae's mind was a freaking mess. With the memories of the past years and today all mixed together, the moments of tension that had practically drained him, he didn't even feel like attending Baekhyun's small party anymore- he would've rather spent time alone to think, to remember.

But he'd promised after all, and he had also said yes to band practice being set up for today due to the detention he'd gotten because Chanyeol'd behaved like a fucking caveman in class. He smiled, eyes crinkling in delight. He was reall walking through heaven and hell with that boy, but he was living for it- they were friends, after all.

“Yo, guys! It's me!”, he exclaimed as he opened the door to the small wooden hut in the Byuns' backyard, “What's going on?”

The guys immediately handed him a can of beer -Baekhyun's dad was a seemingly sad example of a single father, allowing the boys to drink at home to “man up” (when in reality, he rather had them drink at home than somewhere else, but how uncool did that sound)- and immediately discussed which song to play as an opening for tonights party and some new stuff Chanyeol had come up with, when Baekhyun put an arm around Jongdae's shoulders and slomped down next to him on the old, red leather sofa that had been a part of the Byuns' livingroom until three years ago, when Baekhyun had somehow managed to burn a butt-sized hole into one of the seats.

“I guess something good happened today? You're pretty much thrilled up today!” Jongdae sent a silent toast to his two friends and emptied his can before speaking.

“Well, you could say so. Nice weather-”

“-nice skirt, you mean.” Chanyeol took a seat in a blue armchair opposite to them. Baekhyun eyed them curiously, while Jongdae tried to hide in the collar of his shirt, immediately getting the hint.

“Your date was wearing a nice skirt today- a bit too long for my taste, but you've always been the conservative one here- Ey!”, the giant exclaimed when Jongdae's beer can collided with his head.

“Date? You were on a date?! Why didn't you tell us you had a girl wrapped around your little finger? Who is it? Spill the tea already!!” Baekhyun nudged Jongdae's side, obviously proud of his buddy.

Jongdae opened his mouth to speak, but before he could make sure that whatever answer he was going to give seemed solid, Chanyeol rolled his eyes and, holding his head, added “Naw, just kidding. I saw him in town with Brainy. They were eating ice cream. Should've seen them, Dae was so much into acting all lovey-dovey and sharing with her, I thought he was going to feed her at any moment- AH!” He tried to hold back his laughter, but failed miserably and ended up stubbing his toe at the coffee table.

“Serves you right!”, Jongdae happily yelled, before turning around to get some nice comment out of Baekhyun. “Doesn't it- hey, what's up? Someone stole your tongue?” He furrowed his eyebrows, repeating his friend's past action and nudging his shoulder playfully- but all he got was Baekhyun shoving him away and off the sofa. “Ey, what the fuck was that for?!”

“So, you're seeing her now?”, Baekhyun growled, head hanging low enough for his bangs to hide his face. “You're seeing each other? You're finally dating that sad excuse of a bitch-  Fine, congratulations.” He made an attempt to get up and walk over to his keyboard, but Jongdae was faster- he jumped up from his position on the floor and pushed Baekhyun back to the couch, making him trip over his own feet and causing him to fall backwards with his back hitting the leather first. “Jongdae, what the fuck?!”

“What's your fucking problem?”, Jongdae yelled, throwing his hands up in the air to express his irritation, but also ready for a possible fight. “I told-”

“-I think I should be the one asking you two just that”, Chanyeol threw in, getting between the two smaller guys to prevent any more damage. “Jongdae, lower your fucking butt and then talk it out!”, he shouted, causing the other two to shut up for a moment and get back to their senses, realizing he had usually been the one they had to calm down and aid him with his anger management.

“I definitely didn't intend to make the two of you scratch each others' eyes out when I made that stupid joke.”

Jongdae huffed once, twice, and eventually a third time before laying his eyes upon Baekhyun again. “So? I'm waiting for your answer, dumbass.”

“What's there to wait for? I already wished you well, asshole.” Baekhyun wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, facial expression still falling a mile a minute. “I hope you and that annoying little piece of crap will live well and experience your happy ever after.”

“What reason do you have to treat her like that? I remember you telling us you liked her, Baek!  Whenever you talk about her now, it's like you've become a whole different person! Did some kind of ghost get a hold of you and tell you to treat her like shit from one day to another? Or-”

“That's the fucking problem, you dumbass!” Chanyeol grabbed his chest in surprise, as Jongdae stayed unfaced by their friend getting up and slamming his hands flat on the table, their bottles jumping in unision.

“To be honest”, Baekhyun's voiced seemed forced and compressed, as if he tried his best to withstand the urge to talk, “I... like Y/N.”

Silence.

It was a weird, maybe even comical moment, with the rapid exchange of eye contact between Chanyeol and Jongdae, the latter feeling the hair in his neck standing up one after another, while Baekhyun shifted in his seat as if his blonde friend was a bomb that was about to explode. Unexpectedly, Chanyeol was the first one to regain his ability to speak.

“You what?”

“It's true. I've been in love with her for about... four years now”, Baekhyun started, elbows now resting on his knees, his face hidden in his hands to hide the embarrassment that started to show on his face.

“I... never knew”, Chanyeol mumbled, something like awe showing on his face, but he was too scared to drag things into a humorous direction just now. He'd never seen his friends in such a dead-serious moment, though he somewhat felt like this was all part of either a hidden camera prank, or some kind of cheesy romance novel.

“Well, me neither”, Jongdae growled, too overwhelmed by his own feelings of Baekhyun suddenly stepping up as a potential rival in a fight for your heart (though it was very unlikely that Yerim or Sooyoung would let you get close to any of them after what happened).

When Baekhyun realized his friends had nothing else to add, he continued, keeping his face low as he shifted awkwardly on the old red sofa beneath his butt. “I thought that, if I kept humiliating her, I would at some point start to believe in my own words, that I would like her less, maybe even dislike her someday- be able to let go and move on- but it's not that easy.” His gaze shifted to Jongdae, who was still furious, his whole body shaking from anger and irritation. “Whenever I hurt her, I saw your eyes, the sadness it pushed you into- and I knew that, while my head told me to stop this, my heart had made the right choice. She may be weird, but if someone like you falls for her, Y/N must be one hell of a girl- a rare catch, like a diamond.”

With his gaze still resting upon Jongdae, he missed the way Chanyeol furrowed his eyebrows and mouthed something along the line what the fuck?, falling into a trance as he slowly started to realize the direction this was taking.

“After a while, I noticed I like it when she cries or shies away from me- it's cute, but-”

“-Wow, you're one fucking asshole.”

Baekhyun sighed and nodded, eyes carrying a small glint of sadness. “True, Dae, I was going to say exactly that. I'm an asshole for making her feel so down, and I possibly hate myself the most for it- but I'm also your friend, and so I decided to start over. I promise I'll behave-”

Chanyeol regretted only waking up from his trance the second he heard the crack caused by Jongdae's fist hitting Baekhyun's nose with full force.

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