#cheddar posts

i feel better about the world today, i hope these chapters dont sour my mood again.

The angel of the Lord called to Abraham a second time from heaven and said, “By myself I have sworn, says the Lord: Because you have done this, and have not withheld your son, your only son Gen 22:15-Gen 22:16 NRSVUE

"only son" what do you MEAN ONLY SON!!! YOU TOLD SARAH TO ALLOW ABRAHAM TO RAPE HAGAR TO GIVE HIM AN HEIR!!!!!!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN!!! ABRAHAM WAS UPSET ABOUT SENDING HAGAR AND ISHMAEL AWAY BECAUSE ISHMAEL WAS HIS SON!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my entire life every time i heard the story of Abraham and Isaac everyone stressed that Isaac was Abrahams only son, to the point that yesterday i thoght that maybe somehow the Abraham who just sent away Hagar and Ishmael had to have been a different Abraham then the one who tries to kill Isaac. becuase it didnt (and still doesnt) compute in my mind!!!

the grief is better today, lets see if these two chapters will sour my mood.

i dont feel better, not fond of Gods treatment of Hagar and Ishmael, like making them a well is the least you can do big guy.

today was hard for me personally (grief) and i found some solace in this habit of reading that i am building, but even that solace couldn't combat the yikesness of some of what was in today's chapters.

the yikesness was mostly the whole making a slave "give you a child" (rape) and the whole God telling Hager to back back to Sarai after she had beaten her. and just eaugh, sour taste in my mouth. my minister growing up was a big new testament guy, so im learning this story for the first time and im just sitting here eyes puffy from crying thinking "so much for Jesus's teachings of live and respect" and I KNOW THE CHRONOLOGY OF THE BIBLE OKAY IM NOT DUMB, OKAY I AM NOT. but growing up and being told constantly the bible is "the story of jesus, and like yeah he only shows up in the second half, but its all about his teachings of love and respecting each other" and having this horse shit thrown at me on the FIFTH day of the year!!! THE FIFTH!!! I just, why. I have had such a shitty two days, and grief comes in waves and its not going to subside, and all i want is to read about Jesus but i have cursed myself with this stupid fucking gigantic task of reading so much every day, and doing it every day, and fuck man, i hate this. I don't want to hate this, i want to find comfort in the scriptures but i don't know where to turn, i don't know where to find passages about what im dealing with and if i try and search it i don't know how to find sources that are affirming of me, and my identity, i am so fucking scared that im gonna find some webpage about dealing with grief for christians and it will go on some transphobic or homophonic tirade about dealing with the """grief"""" parents deal with when thier kids come out. and just fuck man, i dont know what to do. the ONLY thing i read today that didn t make me want to self immolate was Abraham talking God down from killing all of the sodomites without care, to Him only killing them all of they couldn't find 10 righteous people within. like that was the redeeming thing, and God couldn't even be talked down to killing zero people!!!!

A LOT of genealogical information, also Canaan being cursed into slavery by Noah, and the tower of Babel.

once again my post comes past midnight, but i haven't slept so... does it count?? todays a big chunk, cane and able, AND adam and his sons, AND the first chapter of the the flood and noah's arc, i really can't let this continue to be a late night thing because these daily readings are JUICY, and deserve my full attention. fingers crossed today tomorrow (i genuinely accidently wrote today instead because it's past midnight lmao) i get my readings in before lunch, or right after i wake up.

No particular verse stuck out to me today, but i will say leaving me on a cliffhanger vis a vis the flood, is a bold move for day 2.

Hi! my name is Cheddar, I'm 23, I use she/him pronouns! This blog is where I tried to read the entire bible (nrsvue my beloved) in 2024.... uh I didn't (because I got very depressed) anyways, now its a place for my thoughts, beliefs, theology, and just general faith stuff. (I follow from @/thisone.... I bring my faith to the rest of my life, bit I don't want to bring the rest of my life to my faith, if that makes any sense)

im a semi-lapsed protestant (United Church of Canada)

I am queer, my queerness like my Christianity is apart of what makes me me, the church I grew up in was very accepting and afirming, I knew Christian love long before I knew Christian hate. If you dislike queer people, leave. If you think God hates queer people leave, if you think Jesus hates queer people LEAVE, if you think God "loves the sinner but not the sin" in reference to queer love, joy and sex L E A V E. God loves everyone, Jesus loves everyone, and Jesus surrounded himself with societal outcasts and marginalized peoples, to say that Jesus would hate gay people is not only a lie, it is directly against scripture.

My church was/is also very much a "our beliefs are right for us, it not might be right for you, but we're cool with you, if you're cool with me" so I am amiable to pretty much every christian denomination (and the one's that I think twist the bible, or stray from the meaning to the point of not being [for the lack of a better term] 'real christian' I try to just ignore when they speak about their own theology and politely correct them when they speak for christianity as a whole... because don't pull me into this!) and I give a nice thumbs up emoji and polite nod to people with other faiths and atheists.

I have absolutely no interest in converting you to my flavour of Christianity. None... ZERO. If you try and convert me... I'm gonna give you some side eye, and if you think I'm trying to convert you, tell me! my tone doesn't always come across online, and I don't want people to think i'm proselytizing!! because i'm NOTTTT!!!!

here are the rest of my rent lowering gunshots to get the american fundamentalists away.

Jesus loves trans people Jesus loves sex workers Jesus loves queer people Jesus loves people of all religions Jesus loves children Jesus thinks women are equal to men Jesus was a refugee Jesus loves everyone, and yes that includes EVERYONE.

my tagging system: is now abandoned, ye who enters here must accept the chaos.

# cheddar posts -> all my posts, self exlainitory

# meme -> memes, jokes, and funny things (i scroll here when i am sad)

# art -> pretty self explanatory

# sermon -> again quite self explainitory

# prayer ->.... self explanatory