“The Most Average Cup of Tea.”
What if the darklighter, Jimmy got the wrong house? What if instead of the Charmed ones’ home he orbed into their cousin’s house? Will the encounter with the eccentric witch lead to new experiences or will they end up destroying each other?
Warnings: Near-death experience, secrets and lies, dissing English tea and the Beatles, damage of property
It had been a stressful day, heck it had been a stressful month, a stressful year, yet they had made it through. The Charmed ones, her cousins, Maggie, Macy and Mel had grown into their powers, slowly and steadily. Their mother would’ve been so proud of the women they turned out to be. Marisol had entrusted them to her, trusting that she’d be able to help them learn about magic, just like she (Marisol) and her own mother taught her when she was younger.
After an exhausting day at the headquarters, she went back to her own house, relieved to be home. Don’t get her wrong, the girls are wonderful to be around, but sometimes...it can get a bit much and they all needed some breathing space.
She lived in a house a few houses away from the Vera residence. Her house was almost as big as the Charmed ones’ house, it’s layout was similar as well. With vines growing up the walls, blooming with flowers and large spacious rooms that she used for her various hobbies. She also had a garden behind the house, full of herbs both exotic and local that she used in potions.
After today, she was just exhausted and decided that she would let off some steam in her house, relax, take a bubble bath, pamper herself.
She was in her kitchen, the windows open as a cool breeze brushed against her face. Her kettle of lemon grass tea was on the stove, smoking slightly as the water inside heated up.
The wind-chimes on the window tinkled in the breeze as her tea finished boiling. Taking it off the stove she slowly pored it into her favorite mug before walking towards the living room.
As she padded towards the living room she sensed something. She barely had a moment to react before a darklighter popped into existence, throwing his knife at her. She ducked quickly, her favorite mug shattering as it hit the floor.
“Hey! That was my favorite mug!” She yelled at the hooded figure, yet with no regard for her mug, he stepped over it, chasing after her. How disrespectful, honestly.
She gave chase around the house till she reached her bedroom, where she stashed some emergency potions. She found the one she was looking for.
Quickly finding the darklighter in her living room she smashed the bottle at his feet and said an incantation, creating a dome-like barrier to contain him.
Cautiously walking towards him, she asked, “Who are you?”
No reply came from him. He kept banging the dome when that didn’t seem to work he tried orbing out but was unable to as the dome interfered with his powers.
“Okay, the very least you could do is tell me your name, because you know, you just tried to kill me and it’s quite impolite for one to not introduce themselves after such a dramatic entry. I mean, it’ll cost a fortune in repairs, honestly you people have no care for interior decoration.”
“Well then, Jimmy, what brings you to my witch-y tavern? Well, apart from dicing me up and serving me to whichever master that sent you. Which reminds me, who sent you?”
He once again didn’t answer, tilting his head at me as if he was wondering if she was being brave or simply stupid.
“Well, since you’re less than inclined to answer, what’ll you have?”
“What?” He asked, irritated.
“Well, since you’re gonna be here for a while, I have to give you something to eat, don’t I? My mother didn’t raise a bad hostess. So, what’ll you have? Tea? Coffee? Eggnog? Maybe a snickers, because we all know you’re not yourself when you’re hungry,” she said, chuckling
“Are you an idiot? I just tried to kill you and you’re acting like everything’s fine. Heck you’re even offering me biscuits and tea?!”
“So, Jim-Jams it is! I’ve always liked those! The jammy deliciousness at the center is the best part!”
“Great. Of all the witches I could get trapped by, I get the crazy one with an obsession for bad puns and biscuits.”
“Oh loosen up my murderous friend. So, what do darklighters do on their down time or is it a full time gig?” She asked cheerfully, passing a tray of tea and a plate of Jim-Jams.
He sat cross-legged on the floor, observing the tray before pushing it away slightly, suspicious of the food being poisoned.
“What did you put in this?” He asked gruffly.
“Well, it’s lemongrass tea. It was what I made, before you so kindly barged in here. Which reminds me, why are you here? Besides the obvious.”
“You’re a witch. I kill witches. It’s not that complicated.”
“Perhaps, or perhaps it’s because of a certain curly haired charmed sister?” At this, he quickly whipped his face towards me, staring at me with wide eyes.
“How did I know? Please, as much as the charmed ones are powerful they’re not as well-read as I am, especially after I got my hands some of the Elder’s books, plus with Harry sprouting flowery feelings for Macy it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that you do too. Only you’re probably more likely to act on those feelings,” she said, taking a large sip of her tea, sighing in content, “A word of advice, though. Macy adores her sisters as you probably know, so she’d hate for anyone to harm them. Anyone. So. it’d be...best to not harm her sisters.”
“I didn’t ask for love advice from a witch,” he said venomously.
“Yet you love one. Ironic isn’t it. Like a lion falling for a lamb. But Macy is no lamb, so that’s inaccurate. Like a lion falling for a-a something that’s opposite to it but not weak. Whatever. Anyway, you get the point.”
Sighing in frustration, the darklighter drank the tea she gave him.
‘To hell with it, even death is better than conversing with this crazy woman,’ he thought.
She watched him drink the tea with a smile on her face.
“Once again, what brings you to my witch-y lair?”
“I was trying to find information about where the charmed ones have hidden their home,” he said without a thought before covering his hands with his mouth.
“Why did I say that? What did you put in this tea?!”
“Oh, a dash of truth serum. Well, the Harry Potter buffs would call it Veritaserum. Has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?”
“You said it wasn’t poisoned!” He exclaimed in a high pitch.
“Technically, it isn’t poisoned. This just loosens your tongue a bit. Think of it like tequila but with without the dizzy high, the hangover, the smell and you acting like a fool.”
The darklighter sighed, sipping on the tea. Might as well drink all of it so he could eventually forget the strange witch.
“It’s a personal recipe of mine. Doesn’t have the effects of you forgetting this conversation, so relax dear darklighter because our conversation will be with you for a long while yet!”
He was pouting. No, he was brooding. The witch outside the barrier had gone to put their cups away. She was certainly unlike any other witch he’d encountered. Even Macy ran away from him when she realized who he was, what he was yet she didn’t. To be fair, she trapped him in a dome and fed him truth serum but that was certainly better than being poisoned and dead.
“Are you ever going to let me go?”
Contemplating for a few moments she answered, “Eventually. If you vow not to harm me or kill innocent witches.”
“You can’t keep me here forever. Eventually the barrier will come down. And about those witches you fight so valiantly to protect, the so called ‘innocent’ witches are few and far between. Everyone has done evil, especially you and your beloved charmed ones.”
Displeased with his answer, she turned away from him.
“A word of advice, little witch. Everyone responds to fear. It’s better to be feared than respected.”
“The Elders tried that route, you know? And where did that lead them? We’re building a dynasty, one that will be fair, not just to witches but to the beings of other species as well.”
“A naive dream from a crazy witch. Eventually the weeds of corruption will sprout and then what’ll happen to your so called ‘dynasty’?”
Wordlessly she turned way, unable to answer him.
Eventually she did let him go, but only after he promised not to harm her and vice versa.
She thought that’d be the last of what she saw of the darklighter in a some-what non violent context, but she was wrong.
Apparently her Jim-Jams and lemongrass tea drew him in so much so that he popped in at random intervals for tea.
“Why do you keep coming back?” she once asked.
“Because I can’t find an average cup of tea in this disgusting place and because you’re obligated to serve me free tea in recompense for poisoning me the first time.”
“Oh really?” She laughed.
“Really,” he said deadly serious. “I believe you’re familiar with the phrase ‘A Lannister always pays his debts’, well, ‘A darklighter always collects his debts’.”
“Did you jus- Did you just make a Game of Thrones reference?!” She asked, oddly proud.
“Maybe,” he said, avoiding eye-contact and sipping his tea.
“You’ve been watching the serials I gave you a list of! Oh, I’m so proud of you, old man!” She exclaimed, excited.
“I’m not old,” he mumbled, slightly offended.
“Please, you’re probably older than Moses himself with the way you walk with a staff up your-”
“I think that’s enough tea for today, crazy witch,” he said before quickly orbing away.
“Hey! I prefer the term ‘eccentric’,” she yelled at the air.
She’d always told him to send a warning before he randomly popped in but he always told her that he liked to ‘keep her on her toes’. That’s entirely what landed them in this predicament in the first place.
Her favourite (and only) cousins dropped by for her infamous afternoon tea with a twist. She’d been planning this for weeks, determined to give the Charmed sisters a normal afternoon after all the mess they had to deal with on an almost daily basis but apparently one event-free afternoon was not fated for the four.
In her haste to prepare everything for their afternoon tea she’d forgotten to tell her prickly neighborhood darklighter that she’d be hosting guests that day.
Mel picked up one of the adorable fruit tarts, popping one in her mouth, enjoying the tart taste of the strawberry-filled pastry.
It was Macy’s first afternoon tea, her eyes were filled with light as she took a bite of one of the tarts, exclaiming, “Y/N! This is delicious! I didn’t know you could bake!”
“Well, a witch’s gotta have secrets. That’s how you keep them guessing,” she said with a slight chuckle.
“Oh you haven’t even gotten to the best part!” Maggie squealed.
“There’s more?” Macy asked, eyeing the table full of finger-sandwiches, tarts and tiny cakes.
“Of course! It’s not called ‘afternoon tea with a twist’ for nothing!” Maggie said.
“Well, what’s the twist?” Macy asked, unable to contain her curiosity.
“Patience, Mace. You’ll find out soon enough. In the mean time, have you tried the mini-cakes? They’re to die for!” Mal soothed.
Y/N came out of the kitchen, a triumphant look on her face and in her hands was a rather large cake.
Placing it in the empty space in the center of the table she cleared her throat. Dramatically introducing the cake she said, “May I present thee, my Coquito Tres Leches!!!”
“Wait, so you’re telling me, you combined Coquito, which is an incredible drink, with Tres Leches cake?!” Macy asked, excited at the prospect of tasting the cake in front of her.
“Yes! And the honor of the first and the biggest piece goes to you, Macy!” She announced dramatically.
“I shall gladly accept thy gracious offer,” Macy said, accepting the large slice of cake.
“Hey! Why don’t we get the largest piece?!” Maggie asked, pouting slightly.
“Because you’ve always gotten the largest piece and since this is Macy’s first afternoon tea, she will have the biggest piece.”
Just as Macy dug her fork into her slice of cake the witches felt a surge of power in the living room.
Looking towards the intruder they saw Jimmy with his hood up in all his darklighter glory. Looking up he was momentarily surprised to see the Charmed ones.
His moment of hesitation was all the Charmed ones needed to jump into action. Macy threw a fireball at him which he was able to dodge. In defence he threw a dagger at the Charmed ones. Mel was not fast enough to stop it but before either parties could react Y/N stood between the two.
She felt the dagger pierce through her, looking Jimmy in the eye as she stumbled to the ground.
The Charmed ones were in shock, watching the woman who had been almost an elder sister to them be taken down so easily.
Jimmy ran towards the fallen witch, desperately cradling her body as he begged, “No, no, no, no, no, no. You can’t die. Please, I didn’t mean to.”
“Hey, I always said, you’d be the death of me,” she joked morbidly.
“No, you can’t die. I won’t allow it,” Jimmy declared.
“Hah, even in death you’re so bossy,” she teased breathlessly, the green-tinted poison rapidly spreading through her veins.
“Well, a darklighter always collects his debts and who would make me average tea after you’re gone?” He asked rhetorically, with glossy eyes, trying to get her to hold on.
“Kitchen cabinet. Top Shelf. Purple healing potion. Drop it into the wound after you remove this blasted dagger,” she instructed seriously.
Snapping out of her daze Mel quickly grabbed the potion from the cabinet, cautiously kneeling next to the darklighter.
“You- And him?! Bu- But HOW?! And WHEN?!” Maggie sputtered.
“Maggie now’s not the time,” Mel said.
Removing the dagger she saw the wound infected with darklighter poison. She quickly poured the potion over the wound.
For a few minutes, nothing happened as Y/N seemed to grow weaker as the poison seemed to spread quicker than before
“What?! Why isn’t it working?! Can’t you do something?!” Macy yelled at the darklighter.
Bowing his head, he shook it dejectedly.
“There is no cure for the poison,” he said.
The Charmed ones felt their hearts break as they watched their newly departed cousin.
Suddenly they heard her gasp for air. She opened her eyes looking at the darklighter. Grinning she said, “You’re not getting rid of me that easily Jim-Jam.”
“B-But how? The poison is not supposed to have any antedote.”
“That’s for me to know and for you to never find out. Remember you still have a master.”
“Ehem. Jim-Jam?” Macy asked, raising an eyebrow at the two.
“It’s a long story,” Y/N said, trying to avoid the uncomfortable topic.
“Well it’s a good thing we’ve got all afternoon,” Mel said with a wicked smirk.
After Y/N explained everything, the Charmed ones sat on the couch in shock.
Jimmy sat at the kitchen table, devouring the Coquito Tres Leches cake.
“So, you’ve been-been meeting him behind our backs? How could you?” Maggie asked.
“Yeah, and what exactly are you two?” Macy asked, befundelled.
“Enemies,” they answered at the same time.
“Ehem. We’re enemies who have tea together and do not kill each other,” Y/N answered.
“Which reminds me. This is delicious, why haven’t you made this for me before?” The darklighter asked with a mouthful of cake.
“Because, you usually drop by for tea and biscuits not decadent cake, plus it’s only made for special occasions,” she answered.
“Is my arrival in this hovel not a special occasion?” Jimmy asked, cockily.
“No. And my house is NOT a hovel! It’s a tastefully decorated witch cave,” she answered matter-of-factly.
“A witch cave?” Jimmy laughed.
“Yes. Batman has a Bat cave, I have a witch cave. Simple,” she told him.
He rolled his eyes at her before slicing another piece of cake.
“He kills witches. Innocent witches! How could you, Y/N?!” Mel screamed, outraged.
“Look, he turned up at my house intent to kill me, okay? So we have a deal in place. He doesn’t kill me, I can’t kill him and I give him tea and desserts.”
“So you feed his sweet tooth in order to live?” Maggie asked.
“I know it’s weird but it kinda works.”
“How did you manage to cure the poison? I mean, we’ve been looking for a cure for weeks, or have you been lying about that too?”
“I-uh,” she looked back at Jimmy before casting a dome of silence around them.
“Okay, now he can’t hear us.”
“How do you know?” Mel asked.
“Watch this,” she said, “The Beatles suck, the best tea is Southern Sweet tea not English Breakfast tea and the right way to make tea is with a microwave not a kettle.”
They looked at Jimmy but he had no reaction.
“Told you. Anyway, to answer your question....I have been experimenting with some black amber...”
“Y/N! You know that stuff is powerful!”
“I know, I know but I thought that since it enhanced your powers it might improve the potency of potions. And I was right. It counteracted the darklighter poison almost immediately.”
“The darklighter poison was created with the leaves of the black amber tree. I figured if it could create the poison, then the sap would be able to counteract it’s effects,” she answered, shrugging.
The Charmed sisters couldn’t believe it. The woman they considered an older sister was friends with their enemy. This could either lead to something good or either one of their deaths.
“Fine,” Mel said with a serious expression.
“Fine...what?” Y/N asked her curiously.
“I don’t like what you and Jimmy got going on and I may not agree with it but I will not interfere with it.” Mel said resoloutely.
“Wha- Mel?! You can’t let her do this!”
“Maggie, she’s a grown woman and trying to stop her will be useless. All we can do is support her in her decisions and be there for her if it all goes to Hell.”
“I agree,” Macy said. “I may not understand...this but I believe in you. And who knows, maybe you’ll be able to bring him into the light.”
Y/N chuckled at that, “Maybe.”
“I just don’t want you to get hurt,” Maggie said.
“You can’t protect me from everything Mags. I will get hurt but I will get up,” she comforted.
“But what if you can’t get up?” Maggie asked sniffling at the prospect of losing her.
“I’ll always get up because I’ll always have you...,” Y/N trailed off.
“...And you’ll always have me,” Maggie completed.
“Fine. You have my support. But if that darklighter touches a strand of your perfectly styled hair, I will make him regret being born,” Maggie vowed.
“Woah there little tiger!” Y/N chuckled, “But seriously, thank you, all three of you.”
“It’s okay, Y/N. You’re family. Just never hide anything like this from us again. Okay?” Mel said.
In the time taken for them to talk it out Jimmy orbed out of the house, leaving only one half of the giant cake she’d prepared.
The four continued with their afternoon tea after they’d cleaned up the mess they’d made during the fight.
They knew that the fight between good and evil was far from over but for that brief moment they were carefree, enjoying each other’s company.
Jimmy came back that evening.
“You’ve got to stop doing that!” Y/N jumped.
Jimmy laughed before saying, “If I did, how would enter your delightful ‘witch cave’?”
“By using the door? Like regular people?”
“But that’s boring. Plus, I like seeing you startled.”
“I knew you were a little sadist deep down.”
“I’ve seen your weapon collection. Kinky.”
Jimmy burst out laughing. Most people had feared his collection of blades but here was a witch who was calling them ‘kinky’.
“Anyway, how did the talk with your beloved Charmed ones go?”
“It went pretty well, they’ve agreed to let us continue...this,” she answered.
“Oh? And what is...this?”
“Enemies. Like you said.”
“Hmm. Enemies,” he said with a glint in his eyes.
He sighed at the nickname before answering, “Yes?”
“When I was dying, did I see you on the verge of tears?”
“I’m sure you were imagining that. I was NOT on the verge of tears.”
“Awwe! So you do care about me!” She teased.
“No I don’t. I only keep you around because you make the most average cup of tea for miles.”
Snorting she said, “Yeah, sure. Anyway, I have some leftover cake. Do-”
Before she could even complete her sentence the darklighter was already in the kitchen, munching on the slice of heaven she had prepared.
As time went on, the two became an incredible duo, almost able to read each other’s minds during fights. They were a fearsome together and after Harry had been separated from Jimmy the newfound autonomy allowed the darklighter to pursue anything he wanted, which included the eccentric witch who nurtured his insatiable sweet-tooth.
For years, long after the both were gone, the magic world still whispered tales about the darklighter and the witch.
