#chaileaf

you had survived the borderlands. no… what were you thinking? you survived the impact. something in your head throbbed every single time you mentioned the word borderlands. was that some sort of euphemism for the line between life and death? it would haunt you, waking you up in your deepest slumbers. dreams of playing games where you died if you didn’t win.

the worst part was the survivor’s guilt that came with being alive and having these dreams. your fiancé was with you on the crosswalk before the incident. you both had just recently left the coffee shop down the street and were joking about getting a dog to keep you company while he was away on business trips. it was a precious conversation to you, especially since you had anxiety about him leaving. these dreams that came after the impact seemed too real. it was as if you and your partner had lived through it together, until you didn’t. the recurring nightmare of him getting shot by a man dressed in all black gear, resembling a solider who’d turned against everyone in his sights.

the worst part was the survivor’s guilt that came with being alive and having these dreams. your fiancé was with you on the crosswalk before the incident. you both had just recently left the coffee shop down the street and were joking about getting a dog to keep you company while he was away on business trips. it was a precious conversation to you, especially since you had anxiety about him leaving. these dreams that came after the impact seemed too real. it was as if you and your partner had lived through it together, until you didn’t. the recurring nightmare of him getting shot by a man dressed in all black gear, resembling a solider who’d turned against everyone in his sights.

you could still see yourself panicking behind a car, watching as your loved one mouthed ‘i love you’ before slumping over and bleeding out. the feeling of losing your breath with each inhalation and having to cover your mouth to avoid screaming was still present in your anxiety attacks each night. he left you alone with nothing but the sound of gunshots and cries of terror. it was hell on earth.

and then you discovered him, your distraction from the real world.

you could tell that he was a people watcher from the moment saw him. his brown eyes drifted across everyone in the room, scanning as if he was an ai created human to get statistics on the population.

he wasn’t as messed up as everyone else. blunt force trauma from the explosion on impact caused some internal bleeding that was fixed via surgery was what the nurses said, but other than that, he looked like he was in mint condition.

you learned from the chart hanging on his door that his name was shuntaro chishiya. it was an interesting name, almost reminding you of the cat from alice in wonderland. it made you chuckle to yourself every time you walked with your crutches past his room.

chishiya took note of how many times you’d walk back and forth from the vending machines and to your room, most times without anything in hand. at first, he assumed you were bored being stuck in the hospital after surgery. it was an easy assumption to make seeing as there were limited channels on the television and the nurses had to many patients to properly take care of them individually. but then he quickly realized it wasn’t just the boredom once he’d caught your eyes lingering over him several times. it always brought a mischievous smirk to his face, his brain going over the many ways he could fuck with you. ‘play dead? no, too traumatizing.’ he’d think to himself with a chortle.

you decided to go for a walk outside in the hospital courtyard, tired of being cooped up in your room for hours on end. the need for your crutches finally wore off as you could make it around with just a casual limp.

the sounds of birds chirping filled your ears while the sun warmed your exposed skin. your body was clad in clothes that your extremely worried best friend dropped off for you at the hospital. you’d begged them to bring some sort of outfit other than a hospital gown because it was growing tiresome wearing the same thing every day. the comfortable and baggy sweatpants ruffled in the wind while your oversized graphic tee did the same. it was a nice feeling, to be able to feel normal for at least a few minutes.

sitting at the table outside for too long let reality seep in, everything hitting you in slow waves. you wished it wasn’t a random patient next to you in your room, but instead your fiancé. tears welled in your eyes as beautiful memories filled your head. dancing in the kitchen at 3am while making microwave cup ramen, sending each other hilarious tiktoks that would nearly make you cry out of laughter, sharing kisses at red lights while driving to your parent’s house. it was long gone, and the guilt of being alive creeped up.

“is this seat taken?” a voice questioned, bringing you out of your thoughts. you looked away, rubbing the tears that threatened to fall out of your eyes before responding.

“no, go ahead.” you replied, looking over before sitting in shock. a lump formed in the back of your throat and your breathing began to slow down. anxiety washed over you as you became pale in the face, realizing the person you answered to was chishiya shuntaro.

his hair looked lovely in the sunlight. the blonde seemed almost shimmery with the light hitting it at the right angles. his deep brown eyes gave the impression of being friendlier due to the exposure making them a bit of a lighter brown. you couldn’t help but admire him, even with your anxieties getting to you.

“i’m gonna assume you already know my name since you’re so nosy,” chishiya began with a grin. waves of red washed over your face and ears with his words, making your heart rate increase. “but i’d like to know what your name is.” he ended, the grin still curling on his lips with each word.

you opened your mouth to speak, slowly getting rid of the heavy weight in the back of your vocal cords so that you could form coherent sentences. “it’s y/n.” the words came out softer than intended and you worried that he might have not even heard you until he shook his head. “look, i- i’m really sorry if i came off as creepy. i was just really curious about everyone in the hospital and wanted to know if i knew anyone and then i seen you in your room and-”

“it’s fine.” chishiya stopped you sternly, but with a genuine kindness in his voice. “you’re probably just as bored as i am, and i’m sure you noticed i’m equally as nosy. i just try to hide it better.” he joked with a small laugh. “so, anyways. how fucked up did you get from that, uhhh, explosion?” chishiya was trying to be precise with his words, regardless of the vulgar language he used.

“i sprained my wrist and broke my leg. they said i could’ve had internal bleeding, had i been closer to the impact.” you replied, your voice slightly shaky. “i’m surprised it wasn’t worse because…” your words trailed off as your mind wandered to a place you didn’t want to go to. chishiya’s face turned to a look of confusion before your eyes became foggy with tears.

“y/n?” the man questioned, reaching over and grabbing your shoulder. had it been months ago, he probably wouldn’t have even cared nor noticed your reaction. however, he decided he was going to change for the better. “we can talk about something else, if you’d like.” you shook your head and brushed his hand off by moving slightly, causing him to pull his arm back to the top of the table. you looked away from him towards the horizon where the sun was beginning to turn the sky a beautiful orange.

“i was going to say i’m surprised i’m not in worse conditions because my fiancé died on impact. i think… i think he saved me.” your voice regained its confidence with every word you spoke. “the doctor told me that the paramedics found his body over mine, as if he was trying to protect me.” you let out a deep exhale as the wind blew over your face, soothing some of the redness that came with feeling anxious.

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