#ch.13

"I can at least act as a decoy." But Hinata’s face is contorted in a way that shuts Neji as quickly as he opens his mouth, and he just lays there. In pain and uncomfortable and worried about what’s to come. 

“I’m…” he can see the way her mouth trembles, the way her whole body is intent on remaining strong. “I will b-be all right, Na-Naruto will come stay with m-me when labor starts and- and Sai will be with me b-before that. I-”

She looks down, her hand clasping at his clothes. “I will be all right.”

•·································•·································•

Naruto has Hinata’s hands clasped tightly on his. His eyes focused on her pale skin with wishes untold. 

        He doesn’t want to make her feel more nervous. 

    She is the one that gets closer, that brings his hands to her, around her body. She’s the one that positions him in the hug they both need. 

    “I promise I’ll be there, I swear. I’ll receive reports every half-day, I’ll be there when you need me.”

    Hinata nods against his chest. She can’t say anything out of fear of her voice breaking so she only holds tighter. 

    Neither let go, and it falls to Shikamaru to remind them that there’s a schedule to keep. Naruto walks his wife to her carriage, Sai waiting outside, all poise and composure. 

    It’s Sakura who presses her hand to Naruto’s back. “We have to get going, my lord,” her voice soft but firm. She enters the carriage and waits inside. 

    One last hug, one last kiss on the iips. Their hands only let go once she’s inside the carriage, when Naruto lets go to close the door. His blue eyes glued to her, his lips a thin line that betray his anxiousness.

    The carriage leaves and Naruto stays there. Shikamaru gives him a couple of minutes to himself, but only a few. They have to keep on working and they soon return inside the compound. Naruto is quiet and solemn and his eyes glance towards her direction every once in a while. She’s far away though, and soon even the chakra he has laid out can’t feel her presence.

His warmth disappears too soon. Hinata’s hands are now cold and she clasps them together. 

Sakura catches her movement and shuffles to sit closer to her. Her own hand over her lady. “We’ll be there before you notice.”

Hinata locks eyes with Sakura and forces a smile. She receives a constrained smile in answer, too.

  •·································•·································•

The Hyuga compound is dark and cold and it takes Hinata a second after getting off the carriage to start walking. 

    It’s Sai who gently pushes her forward, his hand at her back. 

    Sakura guides them, one person beside her. They walk quietly, Sai close to her, his hand guiding her along. He has no need to do so. Hinata knows this place like the back of her hand, but she knows that without his hand at her back her feet would falter, her mind would have the time to think too much and- 

    “My lady.” Sai crouches slightly and though his voice is quiet his worry carries through. 

    “I’m f-fine.” 

    Sai doesn’t talk again and they follow Sakura in silence. 

    Her father is the one waiting for them inside the compound. He gives them quiet greetings everyone answers in whispers. And they follow him to a room deep into the compound. 

    They will sleep here. They will stay here until they get the OK to move away. To one of the many options Naruto has created for them. The room is small but comfortable and Hiashi stays there a little too long, following her movements. 

    They lock eyes for a second, a second that breaks the moment Hinata tears her gaze away. There is shame filling her body and she doesn’t know why. She wants to say something and break the silence between them, but her mouth is shut tight. Only the sound of Sai and Sakura moving around the room reaches her. That and the breaths of her father. Loud and deep, surrounding her and forcing her to come up with something to say.

    But her mouth is stiff and unable to make any sounds.

    Her own breaths get labored and the embarrassment of being heard is the only thing she can think about. Soon not only her father will be staring at her, Sai and Sakura will look at her and wonder what is wrong with her and stare and expect something out of her and she’s not-

    “My lady.” Sai calls, crouched in front of her, blocking her view from her father. Keeping her away from his eyes, and she can breathe again. “You must rest.”

    Sai helps her rise and Sakura gets close to her, a basket with all her necessities to prepare for bed. 

    “I guess it is too late to talk now.” Hiashi steals a glance at her, lets his eyes sweep the room before looking out of his element and turning around. “I will see you tomorrow, then.” He leaves in silence and neither Sakura nor Sai say anything regarding him. 

    Hinata takes a bath, settles into her room and sleeps right next to Sakura. Sai close to them. 

She waits a while, what she thinks is enough for Sakura to fall asleep. Her own heart seems to beat in tandem with the darkness closing in, so when she can’t help it anymore, when her worries surface so close to the top she’s scared of everything around her - she clasps Sakura’s fingers with her hands. Softly, in order not to wake her, and without that much movement, in order not to disturb Sai. 

    That small contact is enough to help her somewhat. But then Sakura’s fingers open and search for her. Sakura’s hand is calloused and strong and soft and loving and everything HInata needs.

    “It will be all right.”

    A whisper.

  •·································•·································•

Hinata sits alone at the table. Sai and Sakura have already taken a light breakfast without her -before she even woke up- and are now guarding the door to the room. Her heart is in her throat and the moment she feels movement outside the room she straightens her already tense body.

Hanabi enters the room, all prim and proper as always. She has grown. A lot. Her body is more full and taller and her already pretty features look more elegant and graceful on her face. “Good morning, sister.” Her voice is lower too. 

Hinata gives back a soft-spoken greeting and before they can grow silent, Hanabi speaks again, “Father can’t make it to breakfast,” she shares. Hinata lets out a subtle sigh she tries and fails to smother on its way out.

Her sister doesn’t react to it. Her eyes are glued to the table in the same way Hinata does and soon they are silent inside. Hinata can hear the rustle of clothes of Sakura and Sai outside the room and although her heart has calmed down, the sensation of being forced into silence is as strong as before.

“How are you feeling?” 

Hinata’s hand flies to her stomach in response. Her nerves calming down as she thinks of her son- of Naruto. “I’m a-all right.”

Hanabi’s eyes flutter around and although Hinata is nervous still, she tries to show the same consideration to her sister. “How are y-you?”

The room is small and too similar to those they shared when they were younger. It makes Hanabi remember things she would rather not. “Fine. Learning and following father around.” Her sister looks as beautiful as always, even more so now, with the glow of pregnancy falling off of her, “Lonely.”

Hinata flinches and though it makes Hanabi feel guilty too, knowing her sister feels ashamed is enough to calm her nerves. “You didn’t write.” 

Hinata squirms in place. She doesn’t know how to answer. 

No, she didn’t. She didn’t write back to her father and she didn’t write back to Hanabi. It had been liberating almost, knowing she was able to turn this page and not look back. Not feel guilty about it. 

They hadn’t contacted her either.

Only they had. Her father had sent letters, and though not born solely out of interest for his daughter… had Hanabi also sent letters?

Impossible. Naruto would have told her.

Hanabi stares at her sister. Glad she can still read her like an open book. She shrugs, “I didn’t either, but well, you are the eldest, so…”

It’s a jab and a joke and Hanabi raises her eyebrow to show she’s in a silly mood. “I’m glad you’re happy enough to forget about us.”

Because although she doesn’t want to make her sister feel bad… the way things unfolded did leave a bad aftertaste in her mouth.

“I d-didn’t-” Hinata starts, but it’s obvious she’s flustered, her own throat betraying her, getting stuck in between words. The rush of memories make her feel even more flustered and she knows already her words won’t come out, no matter how much she wishes them out.

Humiliation fills her and she can feel the prickle in her eyes, a sure sign of tears incoming. 

“I really am, sister,” Hanabi’s voice fills the room and, as always, the certainty in her voice, the honesty in it brings Hinata out of her stupor. “I really am glad your husband is a nice man, and that you found yourself comfortable enough to just… you know. Don’t feel bad about it.”

Hanabi knows if she could she would do the same.

Sai and Sakura enter with their food and arrange the plates on the table. They make no noise, they do not talk, and soon the sisters are enveloped in silence again. 

Hanabi knows many things regarding her sister. And now she knows one new thing. 

She did want to let go of her family. Hanabi had thought her stubbornness in overcoming the challenges thrown at her in the clan were a sign that she wanted to stay in it. Hanabi had thought the long sessions of crying and encouraging each other were a sign that although they were pitted against one another, they would stay together.

But she can’t really blame her, because given the chance…

Her sister eats in silence and Hanabi wants to laugh in remembrance and shake her sister by her shoulders at the same time. “Is it good?”

Hinata nods. Hanabi’s words still rummaging inside her head. “I- I didn’t mean to- to…”

To forget? Because it sure seemed like it. 

And Hinata can’t find the words. But Hanabi -bless her heart- gives her a little smile. The kind she always gave her to cheer her up when their father was rather harsh, the small smile that barely curved the corners of her mouth, but the smile she always gave her.

So Hinata tries again. “It was my- my f-fault.”

And Hanabi lets out a scoff, because she should have expected for her sweet sister to take responsibility for this. 

“I will w-write to y-you.”

And she knows her sister and the small prick of guilt is obvious inside her, because she too, says, “I will write, too. I was being too harsh.” 

Hinata shakes her head with too much force and Hanabi decides that wallowing in this will bring nothing of use. So she changes the topic immediately after, “Father will try to speak with you before you have to go.”

And the mention of their father is enough to make Hinata stand in alert. 

“He has been different ever since you left. More so after you got pregnant.”

“A-alone?”

“Probably,” and Hinata’s face is enough to tell Hanabi everything about how she feels about it. “I will try to be there,” she adds, “he’s busy as it is. I’ll make sure to make myself present, sister.”

“Thank y-you.”

Hanabi munches and munches, giving herself some time. “You know,” and her sister raises her gaze to meet hers, “Neji did write to me, you know.”

“And told me about when father went to see you… and well, I don’t really know if you know but… it seems that he wants to have a relationship with you?”

Her voice raised at the end of her sentence, knowing how it would be received by her sister.

And Hinata’s face twists. “I-”

Her mind fills with memories of times she thinks are better forgotten. And the knowledge of her father trying to still be a part of her life… because one thing is for Hanabi to say so. Her sister, who shared with her almost all of the experiences that have made her want to stay away from the Hyuga. Another entirely is for her father, the person who made them go through those experiences, to try and now be someone… someone completely different from who he’s always been. 

“I d-don’t know about th-that.”

“I’m sure,” Hanabi is quick to add. 

And it’s not like she wants to play advocate for her father. It’s not like she wants to do something good for him, but maybe she is a little bit jealous of how her sister has been given this chance to start something new. Something not related to them. To the Hyuga. 

And maybe she doesn’t want to lose her sister to her new family. 

And maybe…

“But you know, there is a reason he didn’t want for you to marry the Uzumaki heir,” Hinata looks at her, and there is a frown there, deepening, “he wanted to keep you by his side.”

Hinata shakes her head. “He- He-” she can feel herself growing eager. “No, th-that’s not t-true.”

    “Well, he was sending one of his daughters to a man we barely knew to do things we barely knew about as well,  and he was,” Hanabi talks too fast, almost spitting the words, “he was very eager to push me towards that, wasn’t he?”

    Hinata’s mouth shuts immediately, because… because it was true. 

    “And I’m glad the Uzumaki heir is a kind and sensible man, I am,” she punctuates, “and I don’t want you to think that I’m trying to defend father or make you- I don’t know, forget about what you had to go through, but,” if you gave Neji a chance… “maybe father, in his own twisted, dumb, misguided way…”

    Hanabi stops there, mid-sentence. “You know what, I don’t even want to finish what I was trying to say.”

    Hinata says nothing. She refuses to give her father the benefit of the doubt, and she refuses to think too much about the thoughts that must have gone through his head when Naruto came to look for a wife. 

    “Are they trustworthy?” asks Hanabi after a while, jutting her chin slightly towards the door. 

    Sai and Sakura remain as silent and unmoving as they had, and Hinata nods. “Yes, they a-are.”

    Hanabi stands, walks around the table and reaches Hinata. She kneels and rounds her arms around her sister’s body, hiding her face on her shoulder.

    “I’m sorry.”

    “Don’t.”

    “I’ll be there when father meets with you, I promise.”

    Hinata nods, and lets her head fall towards Hanabi’s.