#cesarian

The first breath.

Following a 31 hour labor, Quinten was welcomed into this word via C-section on October 8, 2018. Sometimes, if not all of the time, things don't go as planned. My “plan” was a calm, unmedicated birth in the birth center. The reality of his birth was the opposite of anything I could have ever planned. The moment his heart rate dropped to 70 bpm, the midwifes called the call for an emergency cesarean. He was ready to go. It was eight in the morning and I was dozing in and out with  the help of my epidural, while his dad slept on the too- small, pull out hospital cot, when the heart rate monitor started beeping. The nurse came into the room, and immediately left. What followed her exit I will never forget. 

Not one minuet after she left, there were ten people surrounding my bed. The bright, blinding lights were turned on and little did I know in 20 min time I would be meeting my son. Midwifes, nurses, doctors and anesthesiologists filled the room, filling me with who knows what thru various IV sights. The urgency in the room was for lack of better words: upsetting. I was stripped down and covered in iodine. My water was broken, and away I was rolled. Daddy was watching in the back of the room with a look of helplessness and fear, I could never forget. 

The 45 second roll to the operating room went by like a flash of light, and there I was being lifted and transferred to the operating table. The tears of confusion, fear, stress and terror were streaming down my face like never before. The thoughts going thru my mind were fast and hard. “ Was my son going to make it?” “Is this going to hurt?” “What is so wrong that this is happening so fast?”

As I lie there on the table with my arms spread out wide, and the blue curtain starts to go up, I am comforted with the sight of my fiancé, right next to me, in a full fit of medical scrubs and a bright blue mask, hair net as well. He held my head in his arms are assured me everything was going to be okay. I will never forget the happiness and warmth seeing his face brought me in that horrible, confusing, terrifying moment. As moments like that are short lived, the happiness was interrupted by the start of the incision into my uterus. The pressure was unlike anything I could have ever prepared for in my life. The sawing back and fourth of my flesh being opened to release my son into this world. The longest and fastest 10 minuets of my life went by and with a deep breath in, my son was pushed from my stomach and out thru the incision in a swift, hard, horrifying motion. With a scared, unexpected scream that emptied the air from my lungs, my son had arrived. Three seconds went by of deafening silence before I heard the sweetest sound my ears have ever heard. The sound of the first breath. Quinten Steven Rink had made his dramatic entrance into this crazy world. 

Looking in the eyes of my fiancé, Steven, we had nothing to say. Our son was here. We were the happiest people in the whole world. Because of all the trauma in such a short amount of time my body went into shock and I started going in and out of consciousness. As I was occupied, fighting my state of consciousness, Quinten was placed on the bare chest of his father for the first skin to skin contact. Steven was walked back into the recovery room where mine and his parents were waiting. I was stitched up and rolled back to the room shortly after. It was thirty minuets since that first nurse came into my room. My son was born at 8:33 am. He took his first drink of milk as soon as I entered the room and from that second on, we were a family. 

Dear Charlotte,

Everyone was excitedly waiting for the special day we finally get to meet you. A couple days before Mama’s scheduled c-section, Gong Gong and Puo Puo flew in from across the country to be there. Your Auntie Jennifer arranged her work travel to fly in and out just to see you. In fact, it is because of her work availability that we chose your birthday (since you were a scheduled c-section).

Mama and Papa left Juliet with Gong Gong and Puo Puo and went to the hospital. I saw many familiar faces from Juliet’s birth and they set us up with a nice big room with a view. Jennifer and Sophia came to wish us good luck and then went to the waiting room.

Then, they rolled me to the delivery room and a kind nurse held me as the anesthesiologist numbed me. They laid me down and I started crying. The anesthesiologist asked me what was wrong and I told him I was scared. He asked me what I was scared about, but I didn’t really know. It all suddenly felt real and while I was so excited to meet you, Mama was nervous of this big change that was about to happen. Then, Papa came in and I felt better.

The feelings were all very familiar, like someone rolling pizza dough on my belly. It didn’t hurt at all, and I just chatted casually with Papa and the anesthesiologist to keep my mind off of what was happening behind the curtain. We kept asking the anesthesiologist what was happening behind the curtain and when he said the baby was coming out, Papa reached his arm over the curtain and took some photos. Would you believe we actually have photos of you coming out of Mama’s belly?

They cleaned you off and I got to hold you for a while. You were so perfect! And you had quite a set of lungs (you still do!). Mama and Papa cuddled you for a bit and savored this special moment of meeting you.

A few days later, Gong Gong and Puo Puo came to visit and brought Juliet. I was a bit nervous of how Juliet would handle the new change since she was only 15 months old. But when she saw you, she immediately said “wa wa!” and was interested in meeting you. She even booped your tiny nose. As I write this, you are 16 months, and Juliet booped your nose today too. You loved it and giggled. She will likely boop you for the rest of your life.

Unlike Juliet who had to stay in the NICU because she was a preemie, we got to keep you in our room as Mama recovered. You slept so well (you still do) and I loved having you close to me all the time.

Mama recovered well and before we knew it, we got to bring you home. We were over the moon that you were here and our family was now perfect.

I love you, boa bei! You will always be my sweet baby!

Love,