#celestedvst

Sure, Rick's sudden appearance had served as a nice distraction from the big glaring problem I had waiting here for me if I got back alive, but reality had to be faced eventually. My inner conflict since last night had been tearing me from the inside-out, as I tried to figure out my feelings for Shane Walsh. After all, he has been generously kind to me in all the years I've known him, albeit flirty but in a respectful way. He didn't cross any lines I'd deemed uncrossable and I wouldn't deny that his concern and priority over my well-being filled me with sensation far beyond gratitude.

The kiss caught me off guard. But now this bucket of ice cold water had been dumped over my head. Just as I began to entertain the idea of harboring romantic feelings for him.

His words from last night echoed in the back of my mind.

"For what it's worth, it's always been you."

Something inexplicable gripped at my throat. But I stayed as silent as possible. Watching these two was like a ticking bomb, any second away from detonating.

Shane stared at Rick with a troubled expression, his foot twisting into the dirt uncomfortably.

I knew in an instant Daryl Dixon did not lie.

Did he know this was my usual spot to gather berries and other edible plants? With his tracking abilities, I wouldn't doubt it, despite not talking to the man much but...

Of all the miles that surrounded our camp, why stretch out the smug admission of a hidden truth, a treacherous affair, until this very spot, just steps away from where I was crouched in the bush, picking for blueberries?

I reprimanded myself at the thought. Why would Daryl Dixon care about my knowing of Shane's personal escapades?

"She..." Shane started quite hesitantly. "Lori... she thought you were dead, man."

"Did you?"

Shane scoffed as if the accusation baffled him. "You heard 'em. I... I tried, Rick. I saw you every chance I got. The day it all went down— I didn't have a damn clue what was going on. Screams from left to right, the military raining fire on anyone who was still breathing. Hell, I tried to get you out of there, man! But it couldn't be the two of us dead because you still had a wife and a child out there! And if I couldn't save you, I could damn well save them!" He was unexpectedly set off, angrier than he should've been. "And let me tell you somethin', I did it for you. I did it for my brother. L-Lori, we were comforting each other in the only way we knew how—"

"I thought you were gone."

His partner's face was crestfallen. His lips parted like the shock was threatening to sink him under, his eyes glazed over from the betrayal.

"After I woke up in that hospital bed, when I saw what the world had become. The first thing I thought about was Carl and Lori. And then you. Our unit. For a moment, I thought you were all dead—"

Rick choked up and Shane's face morphed into something reminiscent of guilt. I couldn't quite tell though. I'd like to think that after years, I knew this man. But now he was completely unreadable.

Running a hand over his face, down his glistening eyes, Rick squared his stance and stared his longest friend in the eye.

"Our marriage... fell apart a long time ago," he shook his head and clenched his jaw. "But that doesn't make this okay."

There was a long moment of tense silence and I didn't realize I was holding my breath until my chest began to burn. I tried to control the air releasing from my lungs.

"I appreciate what you did. Saving 'em. I owe you everythin' but—" Rick cut himself off, glaring at the grass between them. He seemed to be saying these words through his teeth, forcing himself to say them. His hand began to flex angrily and his feet kicked the dirt beneath them in warning.

I stared at them with a mix of emotions.

One was a man that had changed my life forever, taught me how to survive in a post-apocalyptic world where I should've died. He cared for me, never shied away from making it clear that I was his priority. And maybe I was too blinded by the attention to see that there was something going on between him and Lori. That she was also carelessly pushed to the side in the weeks we'd been forming a new life together. And to know that she'd been having sex with him all along, I could only hope that she didn't have actual feelings for him, because it would explain the strange looks I had been catching from her, and my guilt would only increase tenfold.

And on the other hand was her husband, a man I have been pining over since the moment I laid eyes on him in the precinct.

Rick Grimes had an instant hold over me, no matter how minuscule or undetectable it had gotten over the years, and no matter what, he had always truly been the most gorgeous man I've known inside and out.

What does that say about me? Lusting after my friend's husband and then fucking around with the feelings of her goddamn side piece.

I suddenly became nauseous.

"I get it, man. I'll go back to the camp," said Shane after a long stretch of silence. I kept my eyes on Rick, unable to look at Shane with the turmoil brewing inside me. A simmering anger was twisting my insides at the mere sound of his voice.

"Uh— yeah, yeah," Rick mumbled distractedly, not bothering to even look up, fists clenching and unclenching by his sides.

A pair of footsteps stomped away, crunching along the grass until the only thing that could be heard was the chirps of the nearby insects.

As soon as Shane disappeared within the trees, Rick spun around to send his fist flying into a tree, a muffled yell leaving his pressed lips. He was beyond angry, tears lining his lash line, face turning red. I stared with wide eyes, trying not to make a single sound.

I felt incredibly bad for him. I couldn't imagine fighting tooth and nail to make it back to your wife just to find that she had moved on to your best friend so quickly. That although their marriage had already been suffering, she had chosen to sleep with the man he trusted more than anyone else.

Something wet touched my hand. I uncurled my fist to find a handful of crushed blueberries.

"How long you been there?"

I jolted up in surprise, my curls tangled into the bush and the pouch of berries slipped out of my other hand.

"I was here first," I replied defensively, still hidden in the bush.

Rick didn't say anything, just peered past the leaves as if he couldn't quite spot me. But somehow he knew I was there, his chest rising and falling rapidly.

"You were," he eventually said, slowly. "I saw you just before Daryl left."

Relief flooded through me. I slowly untangled myself from the branches, stepping out into the path with tinged cheeks. "I was picking berries. Found the patch a few weeks ago."

His cheeks were flushed, his hands shaking very slightly by his side.

"I can leave you alone," I said after some silence. "I'll go back to camp—"

"No." Rick said firmly, meeting my eye very briefly before glaring back down at the ground.

I halted my escape. "Oh, um, okay."

The awkwardness was threatening to eat me alive. I shifted on my feet, wondering where to look and what to do with my hands.

"Do you..." I eagerly looked up at Rick, glad one of us was talking. "Did you know?"

I studied him. Really, there should be no reason for him to be upset with me too, but I braced myself for his wrath anyway. He'd spared Shane because they were partners, but we were nothing. As much as it bothered me, Rick and I didn't owe each other an ounce of respect in this new world.

"No," I told him honestly. A surge of anger towards Shane rushed through me again. My cheeks felt hot.

"I keep wondering... if I have the right to even be upset. I wasn't a good husband to her, I know this, and you're the last person I should be telling this to but—"

The last person? Should I be offended or something? I decide now wasn't the best time to press for details. "It's fine. I know this can't be easy for you. To wake up to... this."

Rick scoffed a little, but not in a rude way. It was as if I'd said something outlandish and absurd.

"I woke up and the hardest part was done. Seeing the world change— changing with it— becoming the leader of a group you have no responsibilities or ties to. You, you did the hard part."

"Oh— did Shane—?"

"Shane didn't hafta tell me nothin'. Lori and I talked last night. She told me everything that happened since the day I got shot," explained Rick solemnly.

I cringed at the thought of them spending time alone last night. Not that it was crazy to imagine; they were still married.

"I guess I have a lot to be thanking you for," Rick looked up at me with an intense sincerity in his gaze. I tried not to squirm under the pressure of it. He continued. "You saved my family. That is something I will never be able to repay."

He stepped forward and laid a large hand on my shoulder. I could feel some heat rush to my ears. "You have my gratitude."

"Carl's a great kid. And Lori's my friend. I would do it a million times over," I told him truthfully.

He stared at me for a few moments, his hand still holding my shoulder as his eyes scanned every bit of my face. Sighing, he stepped away and brought himself to the ground carefully, sitting with his knees bent and leaning an elbow against them thoughtfully.

It was silent again, but it didn't feel as awkward as before so I sat next to him and began to wash the berries off with the bottle of water I'd brought with me from camp.

"What... what do I do?"

My head shot over to stare at him. "You're asking me."

I didn't state it as a question, more as a statement of shock, thinking about how ironic it was that the fate of a marriage I had once upon a time envied was now partly in my hands. The guilt was still there, painfully tugging at my heartstrings.

Rick shrugged and made a show of looking around at the empty trees around us.

"I can't really tell you what to do, Rick."

"What I really wanna do is break his jaw in. Watch him choke on his teeth."

I'm surprised at the restraint it took for him to not send his fist flying in the first place. I was fully prepared to watch Shane's ass get beat.

"He deserves it," I instigated slightly. I couldn't possibly be as angry as he was but I understood. Shane does deserve a good punch.

He sighed and shook his head at the ground.

"I don't know how to go on. How to look him in the face—" he scowled. "We were brothers. He was my best friend. He knew." Rick snapped.

"He knew...?"

"He was the one person I confided in. I told him about Lori and I. I told him when things started going south. I never thought in a million years I'd have to worry." He spat, shaking his head angrily.

I felt some of that bitterness surge in me as well. I felt completely and utterly deceived by the same goddamn person.

"We never do," I projected a bit. I couldn't help it, the anger was swelling in me as well. Just the thought of Shane's stupid face made me want to punch something. "They fill our heads with all these stupid promises and reassurances just to stab you right in the back anyway."

Am I being overdramatic? Most likely. Hell, I probably deserved this. I led Shane on for so long, I couldn't be mad that he moved on to someone else. I just couldn't understand why he'd said the things he did last night. The kiss.

I've never been more goddamn confused in my life.

It was quiet for a few minutes, my last comment brewing in the silence but I didn't think Rick would pay much mind to it. He had bigger problems of his own.

"Carl— he's so young..." he said idly as if it had just occurred to him.

Too young for a divorce was what he meant.

I couldn't disagree with that. There's no age that seeing your parents separate becomes easier to deal with. But he's not the same nine-year-old Rick had known before he got shot.

"Rick, the world isn't the same anymore. It doesn't excuse Lori's actions or Shane's, but all of that doesn't matter so much when you're trying to keep yourself from getting eaten by dead cannibals. I can't tell you what to do but in the grand scheme of things, I think Carl will learn to understand."

I didn't know whether this brought him any comfort because he seemed to have nothing else to say on the matter. Maybe I was too straightforward, after all Carl was his kid at the end of the day. Despite how much I'd grown to care for him...

"I've been thinking about the man we left behind."

I looked over at him in shock. It was the last thing I'd been expecting him to bring up. But as soon as I looked at his blue eyes, I could almost see the plans he was concocting.

He wanted to go after him.

"You can't be serious," I scoffed. I'd been pushing aside my own thoughts about Merle Dixon. Just one more thing to add to my consciousness. As much of a dickhead as he was, we'd left a human being for dead.

"It isn't right. Leaving him up there to die," insisted Rick.

"He would do the same to any of us," I argued. "You just escaped the city. Survived alone against all odds. You're willing risk that for a douchebag like Merle?"

I observed the incredulous look on his face with disdain. It's different for him. He was just introduced to this new fucked up reality. He still has hope that we can be the heroes of this story-- that we can afford to care about anyone but ourselves.

"This-- what we have here-- this is what we focus on. It's unfortunate but Merle dug his own grave. It isn't worth risking your life, Rick."

I hated the way he was looking at me but I steeled myself. He'd learn soon enough. Men like Merle weren't worth compromising your safety for. It was every man for himself in the old world, and even more so in the new one.

I shoved every silly feeling I've had for Rick to the side and gave him a stern look back. I willed myself not to care about the disgust on his face because soon enough, he'd understand.

He'd understand what we've done to keep his wife and son alive.

Rick opened his mouth and I braced myself, ready to hear something along the lines of me being a murderer and a split second thought ran through my head.

Shane would agree with me.

A blood curdling scream cut through the dense silence.

"MOM! DAD!"

I was up before I could even process it, tearing through the woods with Rick at my heels.

"CARL!" Rick and I yelled in unison. I gripped the pistol Shane had given me tight, not caring if my face was torn up by the stray branches I ran against, heart pounding in my chest as I willed my legs to move faster than they ever have.

"Here!" I tossed a knife back to Rick as I pushed ahead of him, beating him in speed by a milestone.

"MAMA! MOMMY!" A high-pitched voice screamed.

Finally, I stumbled upon where Sophia and Carl were huddled. Making a beeline towards the kids, despite the walker that stood yards away.

I grabbed them by the shoulders, looking them up and down frantically. Trying to find a bite, a scratch, anything.

A body came slamming into mine and I suddenly heard their screams, the rest of the group had been searching as well.

Lori grabbed her son frantically, snatching him from my grasp and patting his arms down in a panic. "Carl! Nothing bit you, nothing scratched you?"

"No, I'm fine," Carl shook his head.

Jacqui came running out of nowhere.

"Soph?" The small blonde girl shook her head frantically before sprinting in the direction of camp, no doubt searching for her mother.

"She wasn't bit. We're both okay." Carl reassured.

I gripped my pistol and set my sights on the walker. It was feasting on a deer, crouched over and ripping its neck to shreds. I grimaced, inching forward with Rick and Glenn at my side.

Shane made brief eye contact with me before the walker suddenly straightened up and whipped around.

Rick wasted no time, slashing its face with the knife I'd handed him. Shane used the end of his rifle and Glenn started beating the damn thing with a stick. Even Morales had a turn before Dale swung his axe and chopped its head off clean.

It was silent as we all stared at the mess of guts and blood in shock.

"That's the first one we've had up here. They never come this far up the mountain," said Dale shakily.

"Well, they're running out of food in the city. That's what," replied Jim, another survivor who was normally a man of few words.

A branch snapped and we all raised our weapons, my safety turning off once more.

I curled my finger around the trigger as the steps got closer.

"Oh, Jesus," Dale sighed in relief as Daryl came stomping out from between the bushes. I lowered my gun and shook my head.

"Son of a bitch! That's my deer! Look at it. All gnawed on by this filthy—" Daryl kicked the headless walker angrily.

"—disease-bearing—"

Kick.

"—motherless—"

Another kick.

"—poxy bastard!"

"Calm down, son. That's not helping."

"What do you know about it, old man?" Daryl sneered at Dale, getting in his face. "Why don't you take that stupid hat and go back to 'on golden pond?' If it wasn't for you idiots running it off earlier, I would've taken it back to camp. Maybe I can cut around this chewed up part. Take some for the road."

"Wouldn't risk that," Shane sighed.

"That's a damn shame," Daryl said, giving Shane a nasty glare before raising his bow and shooting an arrow into the walker's reanimated head.

Huffing, he shoulder-checked Glenn as he passed by, ripping the arrow out with a squelch.

I couldn't blame him for being angry. As much of an asshole as Merle was, he was still Daryl's family.

Glenn rubbed his shoulder and rolled his eyes.

"Daryl!" Rick rushed after him, disappearing into the trees with my knife. I was briefly confused until I remembered where our last conversation left off.

"God help us all," I smacked a hand on my forehead and began to make my way back to camp. Slowly so I wouldn't catch up to Daryl and Rick.

"Hold up, Daph," Glenn caught up to me with a huff. "Were you ever going to tell me about Rick being the Rick?"

"What?"

Glenn glanced behind us. Likely looking for Shane.

"Rick Grimes? Like super hot hip-swaying coworker Grimes? I'm fucking offended, Daph."

"Do you want everyone to hear you?" I whispered harshly, scanning the woods to make sure Rick or Shane weren't lurking about.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me!"

"Sorry, it wasn't really at the forefront of my mind yesterday. I was more thinking about all the dead people trying to eat us."

"What are the freaking odds?" Glenn marveled. "Out of all people, he runs into us. You know, anybody else would've left him for dead."

"Yes, you're a goddamn hero, Glenn."

"Damn right I am. Saved your man from certain death."

My eyes widened comically and I whacked him in the side. "He's not my man. Don't say shit like that around Shane or Lori."

"Of course not. I'm not crazy. You see 'em around here?"

"I dunno. Shane has eyes and ears everywhere."

"True," Glenn nodded, staring at his feet as we walked. Suddenly, he stopped.

"What's up with you two? You've been weird since yesterday morning."

Fuck. I knew it wouldn't slip past him. Glenn knew me too well for this to just slide and the only reason I'd been keeping it from him was because of how selfish and ashamed I felt.

"Don't judge me, okay?"

His eyebrows pinched together in confusion. "Okay?"

I seized his sleeve and took us a little ways off the trail, closer to the blueberry patch. Speaking of which, I left all of the ones I'd collected in the dust. Goddamnit.

"Um— two nights ago, Shane and I... well, we kissed."

His jaw dropped slightly.

"He kissed me." I defended quickly, before Glenn could give me a judgmental look.

"Did you want it?" He asked carefully.

"Yes— well, no— I don't know."

Glenn narrowed his gaze, sending a glance in the direction of camp. His cheeks tinted red and he shifted uncomfortably.

"He didn't force himself onto me, if that's what you think." I said quickly, recognizing the signs of Glenn's impending anger.

His chest fell in relief.

"I just... I screwed up, Glenn. I led him on. I let him kiss me and I kissed him back. I didn't even know if I wanted it. And then Rick of all people shows up! The one person I was holding out hope for. I'm not a homewrecker but I am delusional."

Glenn stayed silent so I continued with a sigh.

"I should've given Shane a chance before the world went to shit. But I didn't and now everything is so much more complicated... he, um, he told me there's no one else."

"Damn."

I closed my eyes frustratingly. "I know."

"That's clearly a lie."

I gave him a side-eyed glare. "I know."

Glenn pursed his lips awkwardly and looked away.

"How long have you known?" I asked with a sigh. Wouldn't be surprised if I was the last one to find out.

"Not long. I stumbled upon them in the woods the other day. I can't get the image out of my head, I think I'm scarred for life." He grimaced. "I would've told you if I knew he was trying to make a move."

"It's fine," I began to walk back over to the path again. "You couldn't have known. It happened late at night and I was wallowing in self-pity yesterday."

I stomped on the fallen leaves, trying to release some of the pent-up frustration before getting back.

"It's just... I told him it'd take time but I was willing to give us a try. All this time I've felt guilty for even missing that part of my life when Lori was still grieving her husband. Just to find out her and Shane are having sex this whole time."

Glenn readjusted his cap. "Gotta wonder if this started now or before."

That's a good point.

I wasn't a good husband to her, Rick had said to me earlier.

I don't know anything about their lives from before. I only knew Rick at a professional level. And whatever Shane would tell me when he was trying to chat me up every other day at work.

I can't really judge Rick or Lori. She thought he was dead and Rick... well, I don't know what he meant by not being a good husband.

This was truly a mess I had no part in.

"I'm taking myself out of this equation. I have enough on my plate for me to worry about this love triangle."

"More like a rectangle."

I gave him a confused look.

"You like Rick. Rick likes Lori. Lori like Shane. Shane likes you and Lori?"

God, I love and hate his out-of-pocket comments sometimes. But Glenn keeps it real. I gotta respect that.

Rick likes Lori.

Well technically, Rick should love Lori and he probably does. She's the mother of his child and I can't pretend to know everything about their relationship, but if what Rick said earlier was true, there wasn't much of a relationship anymore.

"I could really use some vodka," I groaned, feeling a headache forming between my eyes.

"Same," Glenn said sadly as we approached camp.

Everyone had resumed to their usual activities. Lori and Carl were nowhere to be found but I assumed they were in their tent or the RV. Carol was folding clothes with little Sophia at her feet.

I did a double-take when I saw Rick and Shane speaking to the side. I could faintly hear their conversation.

"So that's it, huh? To hell with everybody else? What about Lori?"

"Don't talk to me about her. I'm not saying to hell with anybody. Especially not to my son." Rick said firmly, buttoning up his sheriff's uniform. He started walking past his former partner.

"Tell them that."

Rick whipped around, an unreadable expression on his face as he stared back at his friend.

"They know. You'd best leave me alone. It's in your best interest. This ain't got nothing to do with you."

I started walking over, feeling a fight begin to stir up. Shane didn't look like he was deterred by Rick's unapproachable attitude and there's no way Rick wasn't still upset about his best friend's actions.

"Well, look, I--I don't, okay, Rick? So could you just throw me a bone here, man? Could you just tell me why? Why would you risk your life for a douchebag like Merle Dixon?"

"Hey, choose your words more carefully," threatened Daryl, who was standing nearby.

"No, I did. Douchebag's what I meant."

"You have something in common then," said Rick jarringly. I was taken aback, not expecting that type of insult to fly out of Officer Grimes' mouth. He was always the passive one.

Glenn chortled next to me.

Shane took it unflinchingly. "Merle Dixon-- that guy wouldn't give you a glass of water if you were dying of thirst, man."

"What he would or wouldn't do doesn't interest me. I can't let a man die of thirst. Me. Thirst and exposure. We left him like an animal caught in a trap. That's no way for anything to die, let alone a human being. I don't recall asking for your opinion either."

"So you and Daryl? That's your big plan?" Lori asked, more at ease than I would've expected given the tense circumstances.

I observed her easy posture, other than the frustration she was likely feeling over the fact that her husband was trying to go on a damn suicide mission. I watched as her eyes subtly traveled from Rick to Shane. Then I realized Shane must not have told her a damn thing.

Rick looked at her with hardened eyes. And then switched his gaze over to—

Glenn groaned. "Oh, come on."

There's no way in hell.

"You wanna drag someone else on this suicide mission?" I interjected exasperatedly. I gave Rick my nastiest glare, unable to believe his audacity.

"You're really okay with letting a man die?"

"It's like I said before. He'd do the same to any of us," I lowered my voice and stepped closer to Rick, eyeing Daryl's angry pacing over his shoulder. "He was going to get himself killed eventually. And he would've dragged us all down with him."

I'm not evil. I'm not. I just don't want to see Rick die.

Rick stared at me for a moment before setting his attention onto Glenn.

"You know the way," I scoffed as he ignored me completely. "You've been there before. In and out, no problem. You said so yourself."

Glenn took his cap off and started rubbing his head-- a nervous tick of his.

I've never felt so angry with anyone. Knowing he was asking this of Glenn. Asking him to risk his life once more when he already had just to save Rick's skin.

"It's not fair of me to ask. I know that." Rick glanced over to me apologetically. I guess he isn't deaf. "But I'd feel a lot better if you came along."

"That's just great." Shane scowled, stepping closer to me. "Now you're gonna risk three men, huh?"

"Four," said T-Dog from the edge of camp.

Daryl scoffed. "My day just gets better and better, don't it?"

"Be grateful anyone's willing to save that dick," I bristled.

"Yeah, you see anybody else stepping up to save your brother's cracker ass?"

"Why you?" Daryl asked T-Dog.

"You wouldn't even begin to understand. You don't speak my language."

"That's four," said Dale exasperatedly.

"That's not just four. You're putting every single one of us at risk. Just know that, Rick. Come on. You saw that walker. It was here, it was in camp."

Despite it all, Shane and I usually saw eye to eye on most things. We weren't afraid to make hard decisions to keep the camp safe. The first week or so when it was just the five of us, Shane and I would stay up late into the early hours of the morning. Talking about our limits— what we were willing to do to make sure our loved ones stayed alive. Even if prioritizing our safety meant leaving others behind.

It's why I still can't believe Ed Peletier is still a good-for-nothing member of our camp. After his and Shane's scuffle, I was certain Shane and I would find a way to get rid of him. Whereas douchebag volatile Merle contributed brawn and hunting game, Ed contributed nothing.

"They're moving out the city. They come here, they get to camp-- we need every able body we got. We need 'em here. We need 'em to protect camp." Shane emphasized.

"You went through hell to find us," added Lori. "You just got here and you're gonna turn around and leave?"

"Dad, I don't want you to go." Carl pleaded.

"Shane is right. Merle Dixon? He's not worth even one of your lives! Tell me. Make me understand." Lori said angrily, standing up.

Rick sighed and crouched in front of Carl, making a point to speak mostly to him. "I owe a debt to a man I met and his little boy. If they hadn't taken me in, I'd have died. It's because of them that I made it back to you at all. They said they'd follow me to Atlanta. They'll walk into the same trap I did if I don't warn him."

"What's stopping you?" Lori asked from the side.

"The walkie-talkie. I dropped it in the tank I hid in," Rick looked back at Glenn and I. "He's got the other one. Our plan was to connect when they got closer."

"I feel for them. I really do but I can't listen to this shit any longer," I hissed quietly at Glenn before stomping away towards our tent.

Footsteps crunched behind me and I knew he was following me. I slipped off my shoes and threw myself onto my sleeping bag, irritated beyond belief. The second Rick mentioned the walkie he'd left behind, it reminded me of what I had left behind too— the medicine. A shit ton of it. Stuff that we'd need eventually and the vitamins the kids were so desperately lacking.

Goddamnit. Carl was one of my weakest spots. I'd grown to care for him immensely, more than I expected. His now-hallowed cheeks stabbed at my heart.

I watched as Glenn gathered his gun I'd given him from the bag I retrieved for Rick yesterday and the CB.

"You're going."

"He'll die if I don't. He's gonna go with or without me," Glenn sighed.

I stood up and pocketed my pistol. "Then I'm going too."

"What? Weren't you against this whole plan? Number one Merle hater?"

I shoved my shoes back onto my feet. "That's before you decided you were going to put your life on the line too. And I still hate that fucker. I'm not doing it for him. I'm doing it for you."

"You don't have to," Glenn grabbed my arm, halting my exit. "You should stay here."

I shot him an incredulous look. "While you go out there and risk your life?" I lowered my voice so that no one else could eavesdrop. "None of these people mean as much to me as you do. I know this is what you do but if there's any way I can help, I need to be there. Besides, I'm going back for the medicine. We're running low."

With that, I freed my arm and left our tent, beelining for the truck where Daryl was loading his bow and arrows into. I got into the passenger's seat, ignoring Shane as he threw yet another fit at the sight of me. Slamming the door shut, I groaned and closed my eyes, throwing my head back as I wondered why we were all willingly putting ourselves in danger once more.

"Yer comin' too?"

I opened an eye and peeked at Daryl through the side mirror. He was crouched behind my seat, busy with his arrows.

"Clearly."

His lip curled and he shook his head.

I couldn't give less of a fuck if he was mad. He could get over it.

The driver's seat opened and Glenn got in, readjusting his cap and giving me a glance. "Thanks," he whispered.

My anger dissipated a little and I gave him a tiny smile, knowing both of us felt a lot better going into the lion's den together. That smile quickly fell when a foot appeared between us, slamming into the wheel twice.

"Come on!" Daryl hollered, honking the horn obnoxiously.

"Don't do that. There might be other walkers close by, you idiot," I seethed.

He ignored me. "Let's go!"

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