Swamp ape (2017)
Wow. I was just scrolling through YouTube minding my own business and this one pops up. Zero budget movie about Sasquatch, so of course I had to watch it. It was only an hour long so even better. First thing so will mention is your gonna keep thinking (if you watch this) that it's only an hour because someone cut out some hardcore homoerotic sex scenes for the sake of YouTube. That's not true but this movie feels like a homoerotic sex is going to happen.. and then it doesn't. Sorry folks. A bunch of students classically too old to be students go on a class trip to a Florida swamp and eventually . For an hour long movie it takes at least 30 minutes for you to see the monster or for anything at all to happen. I figured this was some high school video project by the sets and non acting but with things being very odd when the jack bully roughs up other guys in a very touchy feely way. The teacher that takes the students on the trip acts so pourly I figure he as just a real teacher, but these people are not students. Low brownis fun for me but the skunk ape fart and poop jokes are pretty basic and pretictable and then sexist portrayals of some characters seem very juvenile (which may I state I'm usually ok with those stereotypes in horror cause I know it's just dumb fun, but the jokes seemed written by a child that doesn't get what's rude or not, that's my issue, so you know not a real big issue). Then when the monster shows up finally things get weird, hilariously weird. The monster looks like a creepy porno spoof of a Bigfoot, like as in character he is supposed to be a guy in a suit and at one point you definatly see his skunk ape dick, just flopping around on good old youtube. With less then 30 minutes left of the film now everyone has to die by the hands of a " Swamp ape" that looks worse, yes worse, then Suburban Sasquatch. The killing are legit riff worthy comedy gold until just when you finally come to accept creepy Bigfoot is not going to rape anyone.. Spoiler /trigger warning.. he does. Then end it with as again Spoiler.. an somber environmental message about man's plight on nature like it had any idea what it even means.
When researching this movie the first thing on google is a very nerdy film reviewer (with a shockingly huge following) bashing the movies director Geoff Ward , who just happens to be the big build bully character one the movie. Calling him a male pig and bashing the movie as if he is personally angry at the director because he is also a youtuber that makes videos about being a body builder and checking out girls. The reviewer basically calls him a sexual predator and goes on an on for almost the same length as the film. I want to review the review as it's so nerdy it becomes a paradox of its self, but I'll let you google it. This did let me know that since the director of Swamp Ape is a youtuber that maybe this movie saw no other release other than youtube. THEN I noticed the director of Swamp Ape was once in a 1313 movie and those of you in the b movie loving world know what that says. This man has a history of homoerotic movies while having no idea he even has a history of homoerotic movies. How interesting... I think.👏 B movie freaks if you can survive the first 20 minutes I dare you to watch Swamp Ape the "movie" #swampape #bigfoot #Sasquatch Why does this creature have so many DAMN names? #badmovies ... wait I cant even hashtag here.... damnit
