#cee shitposts

cute boy from work™: what a coincidence that i finish work when u start... it's the system trying to keep us apart because we're probably the dream team

me:

it's almost 9pm and im still at the library working on my essay 😣 fucking stressed out from school and working all the fucking time im finna have a mental breakdown yall feel??? pls send me fluffy chris evans/seb/harry styles/ fics to read for when i get home

so i grew up in a household where mental health was not something talked about, anyone who had depression, anxiety, bipolar and whatnot were considered “crazy”. i was never told what depression and anxiety was, it was never explained in depth or mention like ever. also, growing up, my parents were extremely strict. super super strict and very old fashioned. i was never allowed to sleepover friends’ houses, i had to dress a certain way that was conservative, i wasn’t allowed to talk to boys, my parents would pick my friends, i was put down about my body image constantly, and sometimes i would get hit so hard my nose would bleed. that obviously fucked me up real bad. i have to mention once again, depression and suicide and all those kinds of serious conversations weren’t mentioned to me. on top of my home problems, i was bullied at school to the point where i was beat up and i didnt tell my parents because they would literally blame it on me. i felt alone, sad, and the only way out was to die. i wished and wished it would happen. i wanted to know what was wrong with me. so i did a lot of research. i realised i had a lot of the symptoms of depression with suicidal tendencies. i don’t tell people i’ve got depression because i dont self diagnose. when i was 13 i wanted to seek help so i went to my school counsellor and i told her what i was feeling. i told her the truth. i told her i think about killing myself a lot. as a school counsellor, she obviously had to tell my parents. my parents picked me up from the school after they got the call and i was yelled at when we got home for telling someone how i was feeling. i was called an attention seeker, i was passed a knife and was told “if you really wanted to kill yourself, do it” and this wouldnt be the last time it would happen. i stopped going to the school counsellor and lied to her saying “everything is fine now.” i stopped trying to seek help because i got scared. it happened again when i was 16, i kept things in for three years and i attempted to kill myself. it didnt work because i got caught. i went to see the new school counseller and told him what i was feeling. it happened again. my parent picked me up from school and it happened again. i’ve never seen a doctor or a helpline about how i’m feeling because i’m scared. i’m 18 years old now and i’m so confused. i don’t know whether i’m depressed and suicidal or overdramatic and attention seeking. i don’t know the difference because that’s what was planted into me.