Waking to the bright lights of the medical bay aboard the Endurance Ponds winced. There was a small chuckle above him and the light dimmed, revealing the Corps' chief medic. "Alright there, vod?" Waving the man away he slowly sat up, feeling weak as a newly decanted cadet. Closing his eyes he focused on himself and felt a faint ripple in the force around him. Memories flooded into his mind and he let out a small gasp. Turbo reached for him, concerned, and Ponds held onto the medic's hand as if he were a drowning man.
"Turbo, where's the General?" Ponds asked in Mando'a. Turbo's eyes widened in surprise for a moment before his expression softened and he smiled reassuringly.
"Don't worry, vod, the General was sent back to his quarters after a quick dip in bacta. You've been out for three days." Turbo said, also slipping into Mando'a. Ponds' alarm grew. He knew he'd pushed himself trying to save Mace but he didn't think he'd pushed himself that hard. It must have been the force exhaustion Haat'buir warned them all about. "What has you so spooked vod? The General wouldn't tell us what happened down there." Ponds felt a familiar pang of warmth in his chest and bit the inside of his cheek to keep the feeling in check.
"The General was trapped under a collapsed building. The whole thing came down n our heads. He pushed me out of the way with the force to save me." Turbo winced in sympathy, knowing exactly how that must have felt for his commander. Not everyone knew about which brothers were force sensitive, or what their abilities were. Only the highest ranked vode who knew how to keep that information out of enemy hands and the chief medics of each battalion knew exactly who was force sensitive. It was just safer that way.
Turbo knew every vod that was force sensitive and what their powers were. So he could easily put two and two together and figure out exactly what Ponds must have been feeling watching tons of rubble fall on the man he wanted so dearly to protect. If Mace hadn't chosen to throw him out of the way Ponds would have been perfectly fine. His ability would have saved him.
"I dove in after him." Turbo's eyes went wide and Ponds' shoulders fell slightly. He knew it was a risk and yet he couldn't just leave Mace to suffocate or worse.
"Vod... does he... does he know? Did he see you?" The further slump of Ponds' shoulders and the way his head fell forward in defeat was enough of an answer for the chief medic. "Fuck, vod, what are we going to do?" Ponds heaved a sigh before sitting up straight, jaw clenched in resignation.
"We call the Rid'alor." Turbo blinked at him for a moment before frowning at his suggestion.
"I know you lot want to believe your buire can fix anything but this is the head of the jetiise we're talking about here." Ponds gave Turbo a dry look, shaking his head.
"I meant he could get me transferred. Maybe fake my death and have the medics produce some false autopsy results. We could play my force sensitivity off as some sort of weird fluke." Turbo's mouth snapped shut with a click.
"You don't want to be transferred, vod. You... you love working with the General." Ponds didn't respond, though his face did color slightly and he swallowed bitterly. "You can't even lie to the General on a good day. How are you going to fake your own death? Knowing that he would be grieving for you would tear you apart." He was right, force dammit. Ponds was terrible at lying to Mace. The idea of faking his own death and leaving both the General and his men made something sickly pool in the pit of his stomach. These were his men and his General. He didn't want to just leave them.
"I'd hate it. But I will do what I must to protect my vode." Turbo squeezed his shoulder in sympathy and understanding. They all did what they had to in order to keep one another safe.
"I'll see if I can get someone to-" Something at the edge of his senses brushed against his mind and he turned to the door just as it opened. Turbo froze, mouth still open, as Mace stepped inside. His dark eyes were searching and Ponds felt his mouth turn dry as his hands began to tremble faintly with nerves.
"Turbo, I'd like a word with Ponds for a moment." The man said, never looking away from his commander. "Alone, if you would." It wasn't quite an order, but it wasn't a request either. After a year at war they had come to understand Mace's subtle moods. Turbo gave him a look and he shook his head minutely. There was no reason to deny the request. The chief medic hesitated a moment before standing up from the chair next to him. At the door he gave Ponds one last concerned look before the door closed behind him.
Mace stood near the doorway quietly, not stepping further into the room, and Ponds didn't dare look at him. After a long silence that seemed to last forever he felt, as well as heard, Mace quietly cross the floor and settle in the chair Turbo had left vacant. The man let out a slow breath before carefully reaching out with the force. Ponds flinched slightly as the cool shadowed calm that was Mace's presence in the force gently brushed against his shields. Knowing that there was no way Mace had missed his use of the force earlier he lowered his shields and let the man in.
"Oh." Came the almost breathless word from the Master of the Order as he, for the first time, felt the true depth of Ponds' presence in the force. He wasn't quite sure what the man would be able to sense of him. Ever since they were small his brothers had a hard time describing how he felt in the force. He was elusive, fleeting, and hazy. Fading in and out of existence- like a mirage.
Tentatively Mace lay a hand on Ponds' wrist, as if trying to make sure he was actually there. Ponds moved his arm and carefully caught Mace's hand in his own, giving it a tight squeeze to show that he was there. That he was real and not some phantom. Then, with barely a thought, he pulled his hand through Mace's, watching his face for any kind of reaction.
"What the kark?" Ponds can't help it. The blatant confusion on the man's face makes him crack up a little.
"I don't know how to explain it, and neither does anyone else either. It's just what the force blessed me with at birth." Looking into Mace's dark eyes he could see a wealth of understanding there that he wasn't quite sure what to do with. He pulled his hands into his lap. "You asked me how I was able to get to you while you were trapped." He swallowed. "This. This is how. Solid matter means nothing to me. If I need to get into a room no door can stop me, except anything made with force repelling materials." He'd used it a few times when his men or civilians were captured and needed to be rescued swiftly. There was an added bonus where going through electronics had a tendency to short them out. It was all too easy to override door locks by just shoving his hand into the wall and pulling it back out again.
Mace placed a hand on top of his and Ponds can't help but look back at him. Their gazes locked together and Mace's hand tightens on his. "I swear to you, Ponds, that I will tell no one about this." Ponds' chest feels warm and his throat is tight. "You risked your secret to save my life." There was something fierce in his eyes, determined and strong. "Besides, I would never willingly betray your trust." Ponds wants to believe him so, so, badly.
Mace must be able to see his indecision, either on his face or in the force. The man leans closer to him, his voice a gentle murmur, smooth and soft like always when the two of them are alone. "Ponds, please." There is a slight waver in his voice that makes the commander's heart thump heavily against his ribs. "I don't want to lose you." Had he overheard them speaking? Did the man know Mando'a? After a year at war with his troops he suspected that Mace had learned more of their language than he let on.
The admission that he didn't want to lose Ponds made the force feel warm and comforting around them, almost approving. A blush creeps over his face, coloring his cheeks and ears. Bashfully he looks down at his lap. Turning his hand over he tentatively laces their fingers together, feeling a little too overwhelmed to look Mace in the eyes.
"I don't want to leave you either Mace." His General, no, his jedi lets out a ragged breath. "I know the code you hold yourself to, both as a warrior and a jedi. I don't want to distract you from your path or cause you pain but..."
But. It was such a small word. Yet it was filled with so much promise, and so much danger. Being one of the few force sensitive clones meant he had a duty to his brothers, to protect them. If it came down to it he would kill himself rather than let anyone find his brothers. That didn't even touch on the idea of light or dark sides of the force and what might happen if either he or Mace fell.
As if sensing where his thoughts were heading Mace tightened his grip. "The Code is not absolute. There is a difference between love and attachment." Ponds' heartbeat was loud in the silent room, beating against his rib cage. Trying to push away the well of feelings that had sprung up within him he felt Mace's calm touch against his mind and shuddered. With both of their force presences intertwined like this there was no way the man could not feel everything Ponds was feeling.
"Ponds." Using that soft tone of voice on him just wasn't fair. Neither was the steady kindness and determination threading through him and shoring him up, filling him with strength.
"Will you show me the difference?" His voice sounded so far away to his own ears but it was clear he had been heard by the surprised warmth that flooded through him. Finally looking up he sees the small smile on a normally stern face.
"I promise. We'll walk this path together." Leaning forward Mace presses their foreheads together and Ponds' closes his eyes. It is the first time he's felt so sure of himself since leaving Kamino.
"Ner jetii." Ponds whispers quietly, reverently.
Mace laughs joyfully and the force sings with happiness.
This is a side story to a bigger project. If you’re interested it can be found here; https://archiveofourown.org/series/1608202
Tagging, since you seemed really interested.
@lyumia0202
