#caz mraz

WIP: Something Wicked

Status: Draft 3.5 (rewrite)

NaNo profile: afoolandathief

NaNoWriMo 2022 Goal: Maybe 50K? we'll see

Jade raised an eyebrow at him.

"Is this, like, you relating to someone your actual age?"

"Oh, that's hilarious, Shaw. Look at me, I'm splitting my sides laughing," Caz said drily. "Now, would you just click on him?"

Jade moved her mouse over the cartoon, gray-haired man. A dialogue option came up as the man sneered from her laptop screen.

"Ooh, he's mean too?" Caz leaned far too close to Jade. "Ya know, I don't usually go for guys like him."

"That's what I thought," Jade said. She leaned back in her chair, relieving herself of being in direct line with a vampire's breath. "So, why did you pick him, then?"

Caz leaned over the laptop, using the keyboard arrows to select a line of dialogue.

"Well, I mean, I usually like guys I could break in half," he said. "Sort of the opposite with women. But he was the only option that seemed — I don't know, stern? I always like someone who doesn't take any shit."

He swore in Romanian and stabbed at the keyboard.

"Câcat, how do I pick this thing?"

"Enter key," Jade said. She leaned over the keyboard and showed him.

"Thanks, Shaw," Caz said. "Hey, you've played this before, right? Who'd you pick?"

"It's not important," Jade said.

"Oh, well, if it's not important."

He moved the cursor across the computer screen. Jade shot forward as the phrase "Are you sure you want to quit?" blazed in front of her in bright red letters.

"What are you doing?"

"You can find old versions of the game under 'Saved,' right?"

"Oh, now you're suddenly an expert on P.C. games?"

Jade went for the mouse, but Caz was faster. She tried to think of a spell that interrupted Bluetooth signals, but it was too late. The screen loaded a scene at a nightclub featuring a pale, dark-haired man in a ruffled shirt. One earring dangled from his ear as the animation moved his fanged mouth open and closed. A line of dialogue about only going out at night appeared.

"Holy shit," Caz breathed.

He stumbled back from the laptop with his hands clasped over his mouth. He breathed. He giggled. Then he burst into obnoxious, high-pitched laughter.

"Jesus. Fucking. Christ," he gasped.

"Shut up!"

"Does Violet know about this?"

"I played this before I dated Violet," Jade said, shutting the laptop screen just as the cartoon man lifted his red-filled wine glass. "Not that it matters. It's just a game."

"Yeah, sorry, but," Caz took a breath and wiped his eyes. "It's just funny whenever someone has a thing for vampires. Like, come on, Shaw. You know we're objectively terrible to date."

Jade cradled her head in her hands.

"It wasn't about him being a vampire," she said.

Caz leaned back against her kitchen table. Her cats had wandered over and were sniffing him curiously.

"Oh?" he asked.

"Look, he was the only option that seemed — a little fruity, okay?" Jade said. "I just prefer guys who are also queer. You know how it's easier, sometimes, when someone else is bi?"

"Trust me, Shaw, I'm well aware of that," Caz said.

He opened the laptop and stared at the screen.

"Yeah, I've definitely gone home with that guy," he said.

He shut the laptop and backed away from the table.

"Well, this has been — weird," he said. "I'll, uh, see you when I have to kill someone again, I guess."

"Wait, I thought you wanted to play this?" Jade asked.

"Yeah, that type AB I had earlier isn't sitting right," he said, patting his stomach. "Trust me, it's not gonna be pretty."

He nearly tripped over Ada and Lovelace as he grabbed his hat and jacket.

"Do you need a ride?" Jade asked.

"Nah, I'll just grow wings and fly," Caz said. "Or just — run really fast. Yeah. Used to do that all the time. Before cameras, but — yeah, it'll be fine."

The entire trailer shook as he slammed the door behind him.

~

Caz fell through the door of his apartment. He loosened his collar and took another deep breath. His heart felt like it was about to beat out of his chest.

"It's fine," he said, taking his phone out to send a text. "I'll be fine. Just need to get this out of my system."

"We really need to stop meeting like this."

Caz whirled around to find the tiny Norse god he'd run into at the bar standing in his living room.

"How'd you get here so fast?"

"I ripped a hole in time and space, dear," Loki flipped a frizzy strand of red hair out of their face and flashed that oddly scarred smile. "Now, what's the matter?"

Caz reached in his cabinet and pulled out a bottle of vodka and two glasses.

"Just needed some meaningless sex, is all."

Loki clasped their chest dramatically.

"My dear, sweet draugr, I have a wives and family!"

"Vampire, not a draugr," Caz said. "And you're polyamorous."

"Yes, but you're not," Loki said. They strolled up to his kitchen counter and swiped one of the glasses. "We both know you're far too possessive to keep dating a married god. Now, what's actually wrong?"

Caz took a long swallow of vodka.

"I just got this image in my head of my best friend and work associate pegging me," he said. "And it all started because we tried playing this computer game. One where you have to pick someone to date."

"What were the options?" Loki asked.

Caz told them. Loki tapped a set of painted nails to their chin.

“I wasn’t expecting you to suggest something like this,” he said, as he floated down to the pavement. They were in a concrete-and-brick alcove, the view of them from the rest of the lot blocked by a dumpster.

“Going after assholes?” Jade raised an eyebrow.

“Taking a risk like this,” Caz said. “Though to be honest, it’s been the most fun I’ve had in decades.”

“Are you talking about running from a giantess or eating the rich?”

He smirked and shoved the stretcher forward. Rich assholes did usually taste better than poor assholes.

“Caz?” Jade asked. “Have you ever eaten a heart before? Like a human heart?”

“Uh,” he began, not sure what the right answer was. “Sure, Shaw. But this guy’s old ticker isn’t worth the trouble.”

He rapped his knuckle against the man’s chest.