#cavetext

sports rpf authors note on ao3 saying "if this fic is about you or someone you know this is not for you. please leave by clicking this link" and the link in question is to a comprehensive guide on why golf should be abolished forever

what unravels me every single fucking time i think abt flint is how fucking sincere he is. u get introduced to him as the no1 lying liar who lies for fun and profit and then slowly as u peel off the layers at the heart of it he's just so fucking raw and vulnerable and he Wants the people he loves to see him like that. he invites them to see him like that. miranda knows the shape of the wound and that's why they still love each other bc her wound mirrors his bc it's from the same weapon. they recognise each other. and he lets in silver and says this is the wound at the heart of me and i think you have one of these too and yours might be like mine or at least close enough for us to understand each other. i recognise something in you. and then silver fucking flinches

unfortunately claude giroux is just the guy of all time. enemy of the state and by state I mean the western half of pennsylvania. these days he is known primarily for a) never winning anything and b) being eerily good at making pigeon noises. as a teenager he had to pick between going pro at hockey and going pro at bowling. when he was 21 he moved in w a recently divorced father of three a decade his senior and regularly picked up the man's kids from elementary school. once got arrested for grabbing a male cops ass on canada day. met his current wife while playing beer pong w both his wrists in casts. the only reason his dick is not on the internet is a conveniently placed beer can. gets constantly bullied by his infant teammates who love to wear shirts w his face printed on them and zero context. his hometowns junior hockey team love him so much they switched their logo to a picture of him as a lumberjack. he used to (?) own two dogs who look exactly like him. he once sent out joint family christmas cards w his landlord where they used a portmanteau of their last names. his wife's name is pronounced ryan. he is obsessed w grilled cheese sandwiches. the most goody two shoes golden boy poster child of hockey hates his ass w a vengeance. he is franco-canadian but he is Not from québec. he is ginger. he is lying about his height. during the 2024-25 nhl season his car got stolen twice within 3 months. he loves shania twain and likes wearing pink. he used to go into the eagles dressing room and ask to arm wrestle random football players. he is one of less than 60 out of 700+ active NHL players to wear a neck guard and it makes him look like a slutty dilf in a turtleneck.

u can tell if a fic author writing abt a european setting is north american by the way they write abt transportation. a rich person would not fetch someone with their car in this situation. that airport does not cater to international flights the way you think it does. he would not take an uber hed take a fuckass e scooter even if he was drunk out of his mind. u cant drive a car in that part of the city. u need to legally wear a helmet if ur driving a motorcycle here. delay that train by half an hour.

starting new hannibal discourse by saying that hes a fake poser wimpy cannibal bc he doesnt even eat the people raw hes doing all kinds of shit to the meat first like if u have to put it through an elaborate 37 step curing + marinade process before u consider it consumable why even bother just admit u are bored and want a high risk artisanal hobby but consider glassblowing gauche