#catthetamedshrew

 ~ 

They were inbed, Thomas’ bed to be exact. The lights were out, and they lay together in atangle of blankets under the cover of night, where everything seemed muchsimpler, and yet more impossible. It wasn’t a thing they risked often, sleepingin the same bed, but it was enjoyable when they got the chance. So much so,that they’d been planning to take an overnight trip to York, to be able toenjoy the luxury of it all the more, away from the bustle of the house. Jimmy hadmade it abundantly clear he hoped it would be the coming weekend.

 “Come onThomas,” he said, nosing at Thomas’ neck, his breath hot, “it’s not the samewhen I have to scoot back to me own bed at the crack of dawn.”

 “Jimmy…”Thomas warned, but bared more of his neck all the same.

“And Iwouldn’t mind not having to listen out for footsteps in the hallway for achange.” 

“We can’t gothis weekend, you know that,” said Thomas, as Jimmy kissed his ear. “I told youyesterday, his Lordship’s having a bunch of army blokes on Saturday for lunchand for the evening. On top of that, Lady Rose is having friends for tea onSunday. We can’t just go skipping off.” As much as he’d like to.

 “Please,”said Jimmy softly, the sincerity in his voice making it all the more difficultfor Thomas to refuse. 

He looked upat the dim ceiling, steeling himself. “We can’t.”  

Jimmystilled, pulling back slightly in surprise at his point blank refusal, thelength of his body tense next to Thomas’. Thomas couldn’t bring himself to lookat him. “But – “

 “Jimmy, just– “ he made the mistake of glancing down at Jimmy’s hurt and confused face, “goto sleep, alright?” He turned over deliberately, facing the wall and his backto Jimmy. God, but he was impossible sometimes.

The stillness of his darkbedroom lasted for approximately thirty seconds before the thin mattressshifted as Jimmy moved up behind him. That was fine, welcome in fact; they mayhave had a disagreement, but that hardly meant he wanted to sleep alone. Jimmy’shand curled around his hip, stroking gently over the jut of the bone, slippingunder Thomas’ pyjama shirt and up his side. He pressed soft kisses to the warmskin at the back of Thomas’ neck.

 It wassomething Thomas had noticed him doing of late. When things were good, theywere good. The pair of them were soblissfully happy together sometimes, it was sickening. But if they were indanger of falling out over something, or even just if Thomas was irritable oversome small matter, Jimmy would suddenly get ever so… physical, clingy almost,affectionate and overbearing, until Thomas had quite forgotten what wasbothering him. It was a little troubling, but a mostly welcome distraction.  

He lethimself soften into Jimmy’s touches, much more confident than they had beenmere weeks ago, giving in to the pleasant closeness and the soothing feel ofwarm hands over his skin; the irksome, aching tiredness of a hard day’s workmelting into the comfortable drowsiness of falling asleep next to someone youlove.

But all ofthat went out the window when Jimmy’s hand slipped inside the front of hispyjama bottoms, and Thomas found himself suddenly and thoroughly annoyed.Physically pleasing as the distraction may be, that’s all it was.

 “Jimmy,” heground out through his teeth, trying to keep the abrupt anger in check, “eithergo to sleep, or go back to your own bed.” 

Jimmystilled, and the ticking of the alarm clock on the nightstand seemed obscenelyloud. “If that’s what you want,” he said haughtily, removing his hand andturning over sharply, so they lay back to back, and silent. It took animpossibly long time for sleep to come.

  ~ 

It wasnearly light when Thomas began to stir, before the hall boys started knockingon doors, and probably about time for Jimmy to be going back to his own room.It was always the first thought in his head when he woke after the nightsthey’d shared a bed; to get Jimmy back safe.

 But as he woke more fully, herealised Jimmy was pressed close along his back, too tightly wrapped to beasleep, his hand once again down the front of Thomas’ pyjamas. Some part of himcouldn’t quite believe he was complaining.

 “What,” saidThomas, voice thick with sleep and head struggling to catch up with the thrummingstate of his body, “what are you doing?” 

“Saying goodmorning,” said Jimmy in his ear, voice equally sleep-roughened in the wayThomas adored. 

“I’m stillnot happy with you, you know,” he said, trying to ignore the heaviness settlingin his belly, the feel of Jimmy curled at his back, “sulking like a child –“

  “Alright.”He kept stroking, firm and lazy, and Thomas thought it would have been the mostheavenly way to wake every morning, if not for the lingering after taste fromtheir disagreement the night before setting everything into a strange anddisconcerting perspective.

 “And westill can’t – can’t go to York this weekend,” his breath hitched, annoyingly.

 “We’ll see.”There was something about the flippant, smug way Jimmy said it that madeThomas’ patience snap.

 “Get off,Jimmy.”

 “What?”

 “Get off.”He got out of bed and away from him, painfully aware of his obvious state underhis pyjamas.  

Jimmy’s everchangeable face squashed itself into an expression of confusion. “What’s thematter?”

 “This has tostop, Jimmy. You can’t just… smooth things over with sex.” He noticed Jimmyflush and his frown deepen; they’d done many things together that Thomas woulddefine as sex, but not the one big thing, which Jimmy was still a bit skittishabout. Though that was neither here nor there at the moment. “And for God’ssake stop using it as a way to get what you want.”

 “I don’t – “

 “Yes youdo,” he said hotly. “Look Jimmy, if I’ve pissed you off or if something’stroubling you, then maybe tell me insteadof just sticking your hand down my trousers until I give in. And if I’m upset, bloody well ask me why,instead of sucking my cock until I forget.”

 Jimmyvisibly squirmed. “Please, Thomas – “  

“I’m notsaying I don’t enjoy what we do together Jimmy – my God, it’s more than I everthought you’d give me – but not likethis. Not as a substitute for everything else. There’s…” he shook his head,at a loss, “there’s more to us than this. I want us to know each other, morethan we do already, and in every way we can. And that’s not going to happen ifthis is how things go every time there’s a problem. I’m sorry, but I need morethan that.”

Well. Things had gotten a bit more… he’d said more than he’d wantedto, than he’d even known he’d felt on the surface, but it was better said anddone than left to fester.  

Jimmy lookedclose to tears, brow furrowed and his jaw clenched tight to keep himself incheck. He sniffed. Thomas sighed, tension settling back across his shoulders. 

“Don’t cry,love.”

 “I’ll bloodywell cry if I want to,” Jimmy said, loudly, and Thomas glanced involuntarily tothe door, half expecting Mr Carson to barge in and demand to know what he’ddone to bring Jimmy to tears. 

“Alright.But… why are you crying? I didn’t want to upset you, I just had to – “

 “I do itbecause I don’t know how else to deal with it,” Jimmy interrupted before hecould finish.

 “I – what doyou mean?”

 “With howyou make me feel, that is.” He scrubbed a hand through his hair, teasing thecareful wave loose. Thomas wanted to bury his nose in it. “I’ve never been inlove before, see, or even had a friend I cared about much. And every time somelittle thing pops up between us, I know we should talk about it, I do, but Inever know what I’m supposed to say,” his face cracked into a brief, tremuloussmile. “I’d probably say something stupid and make it worse.”

 “Mmm,probably.” 

“So then Idon’t say anything, and try to – to show you instead,” he muttered, and lookeddown at his own tense hands on the sheets. “I don’t know what else to do.”

 “Oh Jimmy…”he was like a ruddy child sometimes, honestly.

 “Last nightI – ” he swallowed, “I was just upset that we’d have to wait a bit longer forour night away from this place. We can’t ever have what most people do, butgetting out of here makes it feel… I don’t know, more real. Like we’re that bitcloser to it,” he managed a watery smile. “I just wanted to be as close to youas I could.”

 “To think,you’re always telling me I’m too soppy, you daft boy.” 

Jimmygrinned, tilting his chin up, like he always did when he was going to saysomething particularly clever or naughty to get a rise out of him. “And Ithought that, just maybe, if I gave you a little something in return, you mightgive in and take me to York anyway.”

 “You’reunbelievable,” Thomas huffed a laugh, and sat heavily on the bed. “C’mon then,convince me.”