#catstarkapologist

“Stas?”

“Come in, Ren.” He crossed the room and waited quietly as I finished the paragraph I was writing before giving him my full attention. “What is it?”

“Catelyn is upset.”

“What is she upset about?”

Renly shrugged. “She didn’t say, but she was crying, and when she saw me she tried to hide it and told me to run along and find some mischief with Ed, then went into her chambers and closed the door.” He frowned. “She never skips our walk in the gardens. She didn’t even have Steff with her!”

I looked over to where Steffon was sitting, quietly playing with a pair of wooden deer, then glanced at the clock on the shelf behind him. It was well past when she usually came to collect him. With a sigh, I stood and crossed the room to Steffon, kneeling beside him.

“’Tis time for your walk around the gardens, fawn,” I told him, picking him up.

“Mama?” Steffon asked, looking around for her, then frowning at me when he found her absent. “We can’t go without Mama.”

“Mama isn’t feeling well right now, Steff. You shall have to take your walk with your uncles and Mariya.”

“But I don’t wannnaaaaa!” Steffon went dramatically limp in my arms. “Uncle Edmure is borrrrring! He wants to talk to girls all the time!” Beside me, Renly grimaced, his own distaste for girls clear.

“He is not boring, he is simply two and ten,” I told Steffon as we left the study. “When you are two and ten, you shall also be of no interest to lads of only three years, I would wager.”

“Stas?” I glanced down at Renly. “Will there be a lad of three here when Steff is two and ten?” I furrowed my brow, and he elaborated, “Will you and Cat have another son, nine years after Steff?”

“I cannot tell you if they shall be sons, but we shall have more children. Catelyn desires at least five. Why do you ask?”

“I like being a big brother,” Renly answered, giving me a genuine smile. “I’m glad I live with you and Cat, and not Robert and Cersei. I would not like having Cersei as my mother.”

I decided that that was not a battle I wished to fight, not when he looked so happy, and certainly not when I would likely need all my emotional strength to handle whatever was wrong with Catelyn. It was not small, I knew, for, as Renly said, she never missed her walk with him and Steffon. Every single afternoon since we had landed on this dreary island, she had taken them for a turn about the flowers and trees. The only time she had not gone was when she had been in labor with Cyrenna a moon ago.

Steffon left in the care of Ser Kermit and Catelyn’s favorite handmaid, Mariya, with Renly walking along quietly beside them and Edmure doing his best to flirt with Mariya (much to her amusement), I hurried back across the castle to Catelyn’s chambers. Ser Tristifer stood outside the door; he paused for a moment, seeming to calculate his lady’s orders against my own will, then opened the door for me with a dip of his head. I nodded shortly at him as I passed into the antechamber.

“Catelyn?”

“Just a moment, Stannis,” she called back after a beat. She appeared after another minute, Cyrenna in her arms. My chest tightened at the sight of my sweet wife holding my child—what could be more pleasant for a man to gaze upon? Then I noticed the redness around her eyes and the exhaustion in her posture, and my pride quickly gave way to concern.

“Cat, are you alright? Renly told me you were crying.”

“’Tis not anything you ought to worry over, husband,” she said quickly, shaking her head and moving to sit by the fire. “I am tired, as to be expected, with such a freshly whelped babe.” She smiled at me, but I could see the glisten of tears in her eyes.

“Catelyn.” I crossed the room and knelt beside her, placing a hand on her knee. “You are upset. Why?” She shook her head again, but I saw how she shifted Cyrenna closer. “Is something wrong with Cyrenna, my darling? Does she require Cressen’s attention?”

“No. Well, that is, I do not think this requires Cressen, but…she won’t latch on.” Something inside Catelyn broke, and suddenly she was sobbing. “Steff was always so easy to feed, and she, she…it is as if she hates me! I am doing exactly as I did with Steffon, but she is fussy about the entire process! And, and she stops part way through, and then I must struggle to get her back on, and she glares at me the entire time! Condemning me!”

“Oh.” This was not at all what I had expected. “Would you like me to hire a wet nurse for her?”

“So that I may watch her love some other woman? Oh yes, that would help immensely!” Catelyn scoffed, frowning at me. “I just do not understand! Steffon was never difficult!”

“Do you suppose it is your diet? Perhaps what you are eating is affecting the taste, making it less desirable.”

“You think the milk I produced on RATS was better?!” Catelyn was now glowering, her tears flowing steadily.

“I do not know, my darling,” I reached up to brush her tears away with my thumb, “I have not sampled your milk.”

“I am aware of that, Stannis!” She huffed, although she leaned into my palm as she did. “Do you know who could answer such a question for his wife? Ned.”

“That was not necessary information to impart,” I replied, the image of Catelyn’s cousin and her husband burning in my mind.

“I suppose you ought to write to Davos,” Catelyn continued, “and tell him to bring us some of the apparently magic onions that make my milk palatable! Since it seems my bitter heart truly has infected my breasts!”

“None of that is what I meant,” I replied as gently as I could.

“Your meaning matters not! Our daughter hates me and you do not have anything helpful to say!” Catelyn inhaled shakily, pulling away from my touch, then opened her mouth again, but before she could speak further, Cyrenna let out a soft cry. Immediately, Catelyn’s focus was entirely on her, her thumb softly rubbing her cheek, her body curling around her.

“Shh, shh, forgive me, my sweet.” Catelyn pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I am so sorry, little fawn, to have failed you so intimately and completely.” She looked back at me, heartbroken. “Hire the wet nurse, Stas. I shall simply have to endure it.”

“Is she hungry now?” I asked, ignoring her statement and placing a hand softly over the one she had cradling our daughter’s head.

“Yes, I believe so, but I have been attempting to feed her for the past hour! I do not know what else to do, besides having you milk me like a, a bloody cow into a goblet and pouring it down her throat!” If she had been standing, I was certain one of her delicate feet would have been stomped in anger. As it was, she pressed her lips together tightly and looked away from me again.

“What if I hold her while you nurse?” I suggested, standing and holding out my arms for Cyrenna, who was now making a series of rather sad sounds at Catelyn, threatening to cry outright.

“How would that help any?” Catelyn blinked up at me, perplexed.

I shrugged. “I do not know, but you have not tried it yet, and it would be better than having another woman nurse her, would it not?”

“I suppose,” Catelyn said cautiously, allowing me to take Cyrenna. She regarded me with confusion, although she quieted down once more. Catelyn sighed and stood, gesturing for me to follow her into her bedchamber.

Catelyn sat near the head of the bed, leaving a space behind her, then adjusted her gown, freeing herself partially of it, a sight I could not help but admire. I love you, Cyrenna, but you are a fool to not adore your mother’s breasts; the single perfect pair in the entire world. I handed Cyrenna back to her, then slipped in behind her, my legs bracketing her body. Catelyn leaned back, and I wrapped my arms around her, letting her set Cyrenna in them. Her own moved to rest against my thighs, her hands gently holding them, thumbs brushing across my breeches. Cyrenna wiggled a moment, let out a small sigh, then began to nurse.

“You ass,” Catelyn groused. “I cannot believe she wants you to hold her!”

“I do not think she was the one wanting it,” I replied, noticing how Catelyn had melted against me. “I do rather believe you have been needing me more than you have let on, my darling. And that, along with all your other stubbornness, has made you quite anxious. She can tell when you are unhappy and it makes her unhappy as well.” I kissed her temple. “I am very sorry I did not notice your need, dearest, loveliest wife of mine.”

“Oh shut it,” Catelyn grumbled. “I hope you know you shall now be required for all her feedings.”

“I do not mind. Now rest, my darling.”

We had been in the capital for only four days, and already Ned’s mood had soured. The children were all quite happy, running about with their cousins and Prince Tommen and Princess Myrcella. (Joffrey had been generally absent from their fun, although he had engaged Sansa in a number of conversations, all of which had caused Robb and Jon to pause their own to glare at him.)

“Stannis does not want this bloody tournament at all; he certainly does not want a bloody massive feast,” Ned grumbled as I braided his hair for the grand feast that would officially begin the fortnight of celebration. “Remind me why we must be in attendance?”

“Because he is the husband of my cousin and dearest friend,” I replied. “And brother to the king, whom you were fostered with. And because you are Lord Paramount of The Wolfswood; to not attend would give the idea that you do not support the king’s choice, and regardless of the truth for your absence, such an idea would surely cause unrest.”

Ned grunted in response, saying no more, allowing me to finish in silence. I quickly did so, before getting dressed myself, then I gathered the children and off to the Great Hall we went. It was not until we sat and I set Lynora between us, that Ned fully noticed my gown. He stared, lips parted ever so slightly, then slowly brought his eyes to mine. I smiled softly at him, waiting.

“What are you wearing?” he asked quietly, jaw beginning to clench.

“A very expensive gown,” I answered.

“Expensive? How could it have been expensive, there is barely any gown to it!” Ned hissed. 

“’Tis not easy to make the fabric sit so precisely, dear husband.” I tipped my head and blinked innocently.

“Alyssandra, I—”

“Papa hold!” Lynora interrupted Ned, grabbing his shirt and hauling herself into his lap. She patted her small hands against his cheeks, forcing a smile from him. He gazed at her lovingly for a moment, then turned back to me, eyes narrowing once more as he shifted closer. But before he could say anything further, Robert was standing and so were we, and then food was being brought out and I was speaking to Robb, who had not in the slightest noticed what I was wearing because he was far too engrossed in what Margaery Tyrell was wearing. And before Ned could demand my attention again, I was standing, with a quick kiss to his temple, and telling him I had people to talk to, and walking away.

I had gone with a mind to speak to Lady Olenna regarding Margaery and Robb, but before I could reach her, Ser Bryce Carron and Ser Beric Dondarrion stepped in front of me and struck up a conversation. When the music began, the young Lightning Lord charmingly asked for a dance, and I was whisked away. I did not intend to dance further, but Ser Humfrey Hightower was at the ready to ask for my hand in the second, then Ser Raynald Westerling, and a number of others, until, laughing, I had to insist upon being allowed a rest. The young men (When did I gather a group of them? When did Theon join it?) politely acquiesced, one of them handing me a goblet of wine, another offering me a hand as I sat. I allowed myself the indulgence of their attention and spoke of my time at their age, of the things I used to do as a girl, then of the things I could do now as a woman, as a Lady Paramount. They all listened intently, their young faces focused completely on me. As I went on, soaking in their admiration, I saw Ned approaching, looking ravenous. He shouldered a few of my young men out of the way to stand beside me.

“Wife.”

One word. No ‘lady,’ no ‘dear.’ Only the barest fact of what I was to him. I ignored him. If he wished for my attention, he would have to be sweeter.

“Alyssandra, my pet.” A finger along my hairline, down, slipping under my jaw and turning my face towards his, forcing me to meet the storm clouds. “We are leaving.”

Well. Firmer would also serve.

I rose, setting down my goblet, and placed my hand at his elbow. The group parted to allow us through, all the young men dipping their heads. Ned was silent as we walked down the corridor, and I wondered if I had finally pushed him too far. I placed my other hand on his upper arm, trying to quietly get his attention, but he kept his eyes forward, his mouth pulled down in a deeper scowl than usual.

“Eddard? Are you alright?” I gently asked.

“No.”

“Oh.” I paused, but he did not elaborate. “Because of me?”

“Aye.”

“Do you wish to speak about it?”

“No.”

The rest of our walk was silent, only the sounds of our footsteps and the banging of my heart against my ribcage. When we finally reached our chambers, Ned let me in ahead of him, then locked the door behind us.

“The girls—”

“I told Maisie to find somewhere else for them to sleep tonight.” Ned grabbed my waist, gently holding me still. “Did you enjoy yourself, wife?”

“I had a lovely time dancing, yes.”

“Mmm.” Ned lifted a hand, slipping it under my hair to hold the back of my neck. “You know that is not what I mean, my pet.” He laced his fingers in my hair and tugged, simultaneously pressing his other hand at the small of my back, pulling me tight against him while keeping my gaze locked with his. “Did you enjoy all those young lords fawning over you?”

“I, yes, I liked their attention.”

“Only liked it?” Ned arched his brow. “So if I were to slip my hand between your legs, I would not find you dripping?” He pressed his thigh between my own, making my breath hitch. He smirked at that, then backed up, grabbing my hand and pulling me into the bedchamber. He spun me around to face away from him, fingers making quick work of the laces at my back, my gown pooling around my feet. Ned’s hands roamed my body, his mouth on my neck; I leaned back, wanting all of him, wanting him to fill me. Fingers slid between my legs, and a chuckle vibrated against my shoulder.

“Liar,” he hissed. “Which one was it, hm?” He slowly moved his fingers over my cunt. “Which arrogant, overeager prick did you imagine filling,” he pushed two fingers into me, “this cunt?”

“None,” I whispered. “I only imagine you.”

“Good.”

Ned removed his hands and gently pushed me towards the bed. I made myself comfortable, watching him quickly strip his own clothing. Ned settled between my legs, kissing over my breasts and up my neck, finally meeting my lips in tender, hungry devotion. I whined into his mouth, wrapping my legs around his waist and rocking up, rutting against him. Ned leaned back just enough to properly see me as he slid in.

“Mine,” he growled, thrusting slow and deep. “You are mine. No one else’s.”

“Yours, yours, yours,” I agreed. 

“Gonna put another pup in you.” He bent and kissed my neck again. “Fill you with me. Mark you from the inside.”

“Ned, please!” I clutched his shoulders, tilting my head to grant him better access to my skin.

“Mmm,” Ned hummed in appreciation, nipping at the crook of my neck. “Those fucking boys think they could please you? Could handle you? Could make you melt? No, they know nothing of a woman such as you.” He kissed me again. “This mouth is mine.”

“Ned, gods,” I moaned, as he lifted a hand to my breast, still full and sensitive, Lynora not having been fully weaned yet.

“These tits,” he bent and gently bit the one not in his hand, “are mine. This perfect fucking cunt,” he slid his hand down my body, then suddenly pulled all the way out and brought his palm down sharply, making me jolt, “is mine.” He pushed back in. “You are mine in every conceivable way, every single piece of you.”

“Yes, yes, yes, please, Ned, please, fill me, fill me, please!” I begged. “Yours, all yours, I promise, please!”

“Good girl,” he purred and licked up my throat, his hand resting low on my stomach, thumb circling aching nerves. “Such a good wife you are. My good, beautiful, clever wife.”

“Ned, Ned, gods!”

“That’s it, release for me,” he encouraged. “Go on, my heart, release.”

I arched up into him, breath caught in my throat, then collapsed with a shudder and a gasp. Ned, teeth in my neck, thrust twice more, then, fully buried inside me, released as well, filling me just as I wanted. He slowly softened his bite, then shifted, so his head was on my chest, his cock still inside me.

“I love you, Eddard,” I murmured after a minute.

“Mmm.” Ned tilted his head to kiss my breast. “I love you, Aly.” He lifted his head, looking smug. “We shall have another pup soon.”

“You are quite confident.” I smiled, stroking his hair.

It was the first time Ned and I were bringing our children to King’s Landing and it was full to bursting in celebration of ten years of Robert’s reign. There were countless performances and events throughout the city, music and laughter and a cacophony of smells everywhere one went. Our children kept their guards on their toes, chasing our little wolves through the streets as they went in pursuit of every entertainment they could imagine in the sennight leading up to the grand feast.

Robert said his bit and the mountains of food were brought out; as was usual, Ned was rather quiet beside me, helping Arya and Bran, at only four and three years respectively, fill their plates and cut their food. I was happily engaged in conversation with Hugo and Sharra when I heard Ned cough. I turned, placing my hand on his arm, but he shook his head, waving away my concern. I focused back on the conversation for a minute, then Ned coughed again, and when I glanced at him, it was clear that something was wrong, for he was lightly flushed and his breathing was somewhat labored.

“Eddard?” I turned my body fully towards him, reaching up to cup his cheek and turn his face towards mine. “My joy, what is the matter?”

“’Tis nothing, Aly, I am fine.” Ned’s eyes flicked pointedly down for a second to my stomach, starting to swell with another pup. “Do not become agitated.”

“Do not give me cause to become agitated,” I replied, gently pressing my fingertips to the side of his neck, frowning at the rapid pulse I felt. “Eddard, you are unwell.”

“No, Aly, I—” Ned inhaled sharply, looking away from me and clenching his jaw. I quickly turned my head to look across the table at Robb.

“Go get Oberyn.” 

Robb jumped up with a nod and sprinted away. I turned back to Ned, who was blinking at me as though struggling to focus. I shifted my hand back up to cup his cheek; Ned wrapped his fingers around my wrist.

“Eddard?” I brushed my thumb over his cheekbone as he leaned heavily into my palm.

“Aly, I don’t,” he took a deep breath, “I don’t feel so good.”

“Eddard!”

I wrapped my arm around his waist to keep him upright, his chest pressing against my shoulder. Hugo jumped up beside me and moved to support him, taking his weight off me, as Sharra went around to Arya and Bran and quietly moved them away. Across the table, Jon stood and took Sansa’s hand, bringing her over to Sharra and their siblings.

“Eddard, you need to stay awake!” I held his face in both hands, ignoring the murmurs around us. “Eddard, look at me!”

“You require my assistance, sphinx?” Oberyn spoke from behind me; I shifted so he could fully see Ned and he immediately leaned in over my shoulder. “Oh you do indeed need me.” He took a deep sniff of Ned’s wine, then turned and muttered to Axel, who nodded and hurried off as Oberyn began grabbing things off the table, tossing them into an empty chalice.

“You are familiar with this?” I asked, Ned now slumped against me, his head resting on my shoulder.

“Very—I designed it.” Oberyn met my gaze. “It seems someone wished to set you against me.”

“You can save him?” I did not care about the politics of this, not yet. I cared only about Ned’s well-being.

“For you, I could capture the sun,” Oberyn replied, pouring a bit of water into the chalice and muddling his concoction with a spoon handle.

“I have no need of the sun, Oberyn. I need my husband alive.”

“I am working on this.”

Axel returned a minute later, panting, and held up two small vials. Oberyn tilted his head towards the chalice, and Axel quickly poured both in. Oberyn glanced at Hugo, who pushed Ned upright again, holding him as Oberyn stepped forward and poured the mixture down his throat. For a moment, we all held our breath. Then Ned coughed once more, opening his eyes with a grimace.

“Ah, welcome back my friend!” Oberyn grinned and clapped Ned on the shoulder.

“Oberyn, what the bloody hell did you give me,” Ned grumbled, working his jaw. “Tastes bloody awful.”

“Tastes better than being dead!” Oberyn cheerfully replied. Ned tipped his head in acquiescence, then focused on me.

“My heart, are you alright?”

“Pft!” I blinked rapidly in disbelief. “I am not the one who drank poisoned wine, so yes, Eddard,  I am quite alright!” I turned away from him, shaking my head. Oberyn and Hugo shared a look, then both quietly moved away, going to reassure our children. Ned placed his hands on my shoulders and gently turned me back towards him.

“Are you angry with me for almost dying?” Ned asked, moving one hand to the back of my neck, the other sliding down my arm to clasp my own.

“No, that would be silly.” I took a deep breath, looking away from him. “I am digesting my fear, that is all.” I met his eyes again. “Do not ever do that again, Eddard.”