"You can't stop fidgeting with your hair. Why can't you stop fidgeting with your hair? You want to clue me in to what's bothering you yet or do you need to be weird about it a little more first?"
If he didn't absolutely adore his roommate, one Betty Cooper, Jughead Jones would find being Truly Known by her in a way no one ever had (or ever would, if he was being entirely honest with himself) utterly terrifying. Instead, he was grateful everyday for whatever twist of internet fate brought them together via a combo of a well-timed GregsList ad, needing affordable rent in New York City desperation, & Betty somehow deciding he looked less murder-y than anyone else.
Plot twist. After this conversation, he might be on the receiving end of said murder & he can’t even fault her for it.
“You know how my sister & dad are coming to spend the holidays with me, um, tomorrow? To torment me with every single stereotypical tourist thing the city has to offer, with a checklist Jellybean has actually checked twice? & I was so sure they were going to stay in a ShareBnb since that’s what they’ve done every other time they’ve visited when I’ve had roommates?”
There was something to be said for how a single eyebrow raise from Betty put him more on edge than the complete capitalist scam that was credit scores.
“It turns out, they maybe, just maybe, got the impression you & I are living together in the romantic sense rather than the fiscally responsible sense, & thought that meant the pull out couch, aka my bed, is open real estate.”
Aaaand The Chin Tilt has entered the chat. Great. After all, what is the life of one Jughead Jones if not an unending comedy of errors? Jot that down. It’s officially going on his tombstone.
“The thing is, JB apparently got it into her head that I...well, that I’ve been lonely & is overly pleased I’ve ‘found my person,’ to use her words, & I was wondering what your thoughts are on pretending to be my girlfriend while they’re here? She’s more used to disappointment than anything else & I know I’m asking you to act out the plot of a Mallmark Christmas special, but I just don’t want to be the reason her vacation starts off less than what she expected.”
Might as well just call this “In which Betty gets a crash course in what ‘Keeping up with the Joneses’ really means, except she’s nodding. Why is she nodding?
“Of course, we can do that, Jug. We already promised JB I’d be coming along for all the Christmas stuff anyway, & we usually fall asleep together on the couch already, so sleeping together on my bed isn’t much different. We got this.”
Austen really did have it right. A single man in possession of the world’s best, singularly amazing roommate, was indeed in want of a wife. This wife. Too bad there was no way she’d ever return his affections.
❅❄️Bughead Secret Santa gift for @mrscolesprouse❄️❅
