#catastrophicethan

it had been a month since they appeared back into their lives. a month that merrick had let him mostly waste away, suffering from his own brand of PTSD - she still didn’t know what happened, but wasted their time by telling him stories about her life in boston, about what had happened since they’d come to fairvale. she never really knew if he was listening or not - his eyes would be open, and sometimes she’d swear he was actually looking at her - but the void that seemed to swallow him, to keep him in a near comatose setting, it was overwhelming and if she didn’t do something soon, he might never recover from it. 

in truth, she’d gone to the event at the bar for appearances - for holly, who’d want to know she was really doing ‘better’ ( whatever that fucking meant ), for ray, who was rapidly becoming a good friend and she’d hate to disappoint him by not showing up. but she slipped out at the earliest convenience - she was trying, so hard, but the weight of everyone else’s expectations on her shoulders constantly felt like a burden she didn’t want to carry for much longer, something she knew ethan would have related to - if he’d been a real person anymore. 

she slipped into the house unnoticed, climbing into the room she’d once shared with colette, but now mostly hid her and ethan away. she suspected he’d be asleep - she’d made him eat with her before she left for the bar, but there wasn’t much else he did if she didn’t force him into it. normally, she didn’t slide into her own bed these days - giving ethan and herself some space - but the exhaustion was wearing on her, and for once, she was going to be selfish enough to take the grain of comfort she could gain from being close to him. 

“hey,” she whispered, tucking herself into the bed with him, hoping she wasn’t waking him up, even as he stirred. “you didn’t miss much,” she lied, seeing an eye pop open in her direction, “though one day you’re going to have to come and meet other people. i think you’d even like some of them.” she burrowed herself closer to him, wrapping her arms around him and resting her cheek against his chest. “just as long as you still like me best. i miss being number one.”