#casaruby

I go into the bathtub, I hear two trans women were found murdered. I come out of the Bathtub I see one more has been found murdered.... and I am remembering sitting in a room with a group of leaders who berated me and my trans sisters of color for the fact we vocalized the erasure that was occuring and stood up to those who had internalized systematic oppression and were acting as it's mouthpeice. I am remembering a time when I spoke how I did not feel safe in certain spaces and my cis "allies" organizing an event choose not to assure me I would be safe or even simply to check in, I am remembering times when I was told my rage was too much, my voice was too loud, my tears were too distracting, and the space I carved for myself and my sisters and vice versa was a problem. I am constantly being told by cis people to erase myself in favor of "The Greater Good" and "solidarity". And I remember the countless freedom fighters who were deleted from history books because they were trans, or queer, or a cis woman. I remember Bayerd Rustin who choose the movement over himself (by the way without him there would have been no Dr. King.) I remember everyone who was erased. People like Marsha P Johnson who fought for the rights of all communities who met at her intersections, this includes trans and black to name a few.

And on the note of Mister Rustin, people talk about commending him for he put himself aside for "the greater good". And yet his queer descedants still treated like shit, still told they going to hell, still getting killed. It seems the greater good is relative depending on who is demading the right to live. "The greater good" always seems to be about switching positionality in structural oppression not doing away with structural oppression itself. "The greater good" seems to always be about participating/cosigning in the genocide of whole segments of our community as oppose to battling the systems that call for our deaths. When will "the Greater Good" be about our sisters, when will" the greater good" be about Trans and queer people's right to life. When will "the greater good" be about our collective right to thrive. When will "the Greater Good" be about liberation.

I am a black trans woman, the Daughter of Queens, The descendant of hostages of war, the mother of generations to come, the mother of a verbal revoltuion: I made history by simply being born, I am the fleshly embodiment of revolution; I am a black trans woman, I am a priestess of Oya, I am a devotee of the DIvine Feminine, I am a lover, a sister, a fighter, a healer, a teacher, a Goddess, I am enough! AND I will not be your martyr, I will not give you my body, my time, my love, my name, my joy, my coin or my compliance in the name of your "greater good". I am here to stand in solidarity with those who Stand in solidarity with me. And a note to all others, "Your oppressor will never save you". I don't care about your lip service, your cis centered movements, your broken record disdain, your television interviews or your mission statements that never call YOU into accountability to practice what you preach. You can't have my blackness without me, you can't have my tranness without me, you can't have my love without me. I WILL NOT LET YOU DEVOUR ME! I will not let you steal my brillance and discard me like a token that has already been spent.

That is all.

I sometimes choose not to ask why, I have heard this sort of silence long enough to know its birthplace, I have heard laments and watched mothers clutch their dead children, I have wept at the feet of government and begged to be heard by those who once claimed my love. I know why, I know why Sandra Bland was killed, I know why Lamia Beard was killed. I know why they tried to silence Amanda Stenberg, I know why they talk about Serena Williams the way they do, I know why they tell us to become slaves to a system to gain "access" to privileges. I know why and everyone else does to. This system hates the black goddess. It realizes her ancient power is All. This system has hated us since before we were aware of being born in this life time. From her black womb the world was born. In her black love is a garden of sisterhood. The fruit of joy is creation. I know why silence seals the lips of many. I know why a law is passed to abolish symbols of hate while it's poison still festers at the pit of nearly every Institution in the U.S. I know when some people think of freedom their idea does not include me and my communities being free. I also know my rage is divine, in my blood are the secrets of the gods, and I, with every part of my being am a goddess incarnate and because of this my voice shifts paradigms, birth worlds and shatter systems. I am glad I was born black, because of this, I am timeless. When governments crumble and systems fail, we will be here. When kings die and tyrants fade, we will be here. When Mother Earth rages and Mother Wind wails, we will be here. I have heard silence time and time again but I, angry black woman, Indigenous, African Cuban Trans Goddess, artist advocate, healer, and hearth maker, I, a daughter of the Winds of Change, will always remember, silence holds no power over me, and I have a divine duty to always speak my sisters' names.

As we continue to prepare for the release of Brew, have you pre-ordered your copy yet? Pre-order your copy today.