Until you’re back home

It was a rare night of complete bliss, no distractions from the club or any other ‘business’ issues. Reggie and I were sitting on the sofa putting the world to rights, I’m the only person Reg can truly open up to about anything without the fear of being judged.

“You know; sometimes I think about leaving this all behind, going straight. Could you imagine it? Me and you C, living above board?”

I raised an eyebrow, “No” I laughed. He chuckled.

“Really? You can’t picture it at all love?”

“I mean I know it sounds bad, but we’re so good at being a criminals it’s all we’ve really ever known. What else would we be good at?” I said laughing.

“You never know C, I could be a dab hand at something like decorating or cooking for all we know”

“You lost me at the cooking bit Reg, there is no way that will ever happen. I’m lucky to have a house to come home to after some of your kitchen fiascos”.

This made us both laugh, it was no secret that Reggie wasn’t the most domestic person in the world, he did try though bless him.

“Seriously though C, it’s you I feel for. I mean how many times have you been brought in for questioning about something me or Ron’s done? The last time it was hitting 26 hours they had you in that interrogation room. I don’t want that type of life for you, you deserve better than that” he was being completely sincere, he hated it when I was brought in for questioning and felt the stress it put me under when we started dating was his fault.

I cope with it better now mind you, they say practise makes perfect don’t they? I guess you could call me an expert at playing the ‘innocent housewife’ act, it’s not something I am proud of right enough. Obviously I didn’t spend my childhood dreaming of growing up to be a business woman who broke the law to get to where she is, I certainly didn’t dream of falling in love with a criminal, a man who I know I would do anything for, anything to keep him by my side even if it meant lying under oath.

A light crashing noise outside brought me out of my train of thought, I looked at Reggie sitting next to me, my eyes widened. He got up sharply from the couch, picking his gun up from the table situated beside us, and made his way to the kitchen to go and see who was there, it sounded like the gate out the back of our house.

“I swear to god if that’s Albie, I’m going to go crazy, he is not camping out on this sofa and eating all our food for days on end again”

There was an uncertain silence, surely if it was Albie he would of said so by now right? Or if it was Ron he would of grunted a “guess who” with a light chuckle like he always does.

“Babe? who is it?” I said after a few seconds. Still nothing. I was starting to get worried. I stood up slowly and carefully walked down along the hallway to the kitchen. Reggie was aware of my presence, he spoke softly “I don’t want you to panic okay love? I want you to remain absolutely calm”

Now I was really freaking out. What was there to panic about? should I be panicking? Why was I to remain calm? That horrible distant sickly pain appeared in my stomach and all these thoughts started rushing through my mind. Before I even had time to rationalise, there was a firm knock at the back door.

Reggie opened it to reveal a sea of uniformed men. I recognised the one at the front, the chief so to speak, it was none other than Nipper Read, the very man responsible for questioning me for hours on end. He smirked at me as he coolly announced “Reginald Kray, you are under arrest on suspicion of protection racketeering, you do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence.”

My whole body went numb. It felt like the blood inside me had went ice cold. I felt completely powerless, not to mention the pain in my heart. I felt a lump in my throat like I had dry swallowed a large pill, that’s when the tears started flooding down my face.

I grabbed Reggie’s hand pulling him towards me and wrapping my arms around his neck. He held me for what felt like only seconds, but was probably much longer, running his hand through my hair as I cried, he lowered his head to my ear and said “everything’s going to be okay Carmen, I promise”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep Kray” snapped Nipper Read behind us. Nor I or Reggie batted an eyelid, he wasn’t worth it.

“I love you so much, okay baby? We’ll be back together soon” he said quitely into my ear.

“I love you so much” I said through shaky breaths. He looked down into my eyes before pressing a soft kiss against my forehead.

“Cause when he’s on the line the world stands still”

“How’s the business holding up then love?” Reggie mutters into the phone.

“Yeah things are going well babe, me and Ron are working well together, we are a better team than I expected” I laughed, trying to make light of the less than optimal situation. A slight chuckle came from the other end of the phone, follow by a lengthy silence. Reggie struggled to express himself often, but he didn’t want to seem cold towards the woman who had stood by him through everything, so he stepped out of his comfort zone.

“And um... what about you then? How are you holding up?” I sighed deeply, I was trying to avoid telling him how I was really feeling, I didn’t want him to feel guilty about leaving me. On the other hand, I definitely did not want to brush off my feelings and make him feel like I didn’t care. I have experienced having a loved one inside after my father was imprisoned for a short period of time when I was 12 for protection racketeering, so this isn’t my first prison phone call. This seemed different though, the man on the other end of the phone was Reggie, my soul mate, my literal other half, I just needed to speak from my heart.

“It’s been hard, I mean we knew it would be. During the day I can keep myself busy and try not to think about it. But it’s the nights that kill me Reg, sleeping without you is horrible.” He sighed, he felt guilty.

“I’m sorry” he said after a few seconds. It was heartfelt, I could tell. After multiple late night heart to hearts and deep conversations about life I could tell when Reggie was being real with me. The last thing I wanted though was for him to feel guilty about leaving me, it wasn’t really his fault, I know what I signed up for being with him and in all honesty it’s a small price to pay for the happiness I have when we’re at our best, those nights where we walk home from the club hand in hand instead of taking the car, with not a care in the world, when we lay awake at night talking about the future, those are the moment that make everything seem worth it.

“It’s alright babe, you know I’ve never blamed you for any of this. You are what you are and that’s what I feel in love with, I don’t want you to feel guilty because I’m out here without you, I want you to focus on fighting through like I know you always do and keeping your nose clean best you can so I can be back in your arms in no time” he chuckled, he’d never been very good at ‘keeping his nose clean’ to be honest I’m surprised this is only his second time being inside, considering I know all the things him and Ron have got up to over the years, in a way we’ve been pretty lucky up until now.

“I’ll try my best a’right? I gotta go, this guard is breathing down my kneck, typical isn’t it. I love you Carmen. And you know what love, I promise when this is all over I’ll make you Mrs Kray”

I chuckle at his promise, we had always spoke about getting married but with one thing or another keeping us busy we’ve never had the time. We always knew we would right enough, no doubt about that, we’ve been together since I was 18, and I can honestly say no man has ever made me feel the way he does.

I’m really sorry for my absence this past week, i haven’t abandoned this blog, I’ve just been super busy with family stuff, studying and honestly just taking some time off for myself.

I hope you all understand, and I will try to start posting again in the next few days!

Thank you for the tag @pollysolomons ❤️

Strong enough to bear the children then get back to business - Beyonce ‘Run the World.

The question isn’t who’s going to let me, it’s who’s going to stop me - Ayn Rand.

She was a wild one, always stomping on egg shells that everyone else tip-toed on. - Kaitlin Foster.

I am a strong women because a strong women raised me - ‘words for women’.

How lucky am I to be surrounded by strong women 🖤