She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, hand shaking. She was honestly surprised he’d let her in at all, but now that she was here she didn’t really know what to say. She bit her lip, looking up at him. “I owe you an apology.”
Her voice was too quiet so she cleared her throat. “What I said... I was wrong.” Louder now. “Saying that I didn’t love you... I’m still mad. I’m so mad. And hurt. I didn’t deserve to get dumped, Peter. Not over a stupid ring. But you know that. That’s not the point.”
She took a breath, shaking her head, and if that would put her thoughts in order.
“Saying that I didn’t love you, that love doesn’t exist, that was wrong. I thought that it would be easier if I could convince myself that it was all a lie. It was easier for a little bit, you know? Pretending that none of it mattered. But it was wrong.”
“It did matter. That’s the point, isn’t it? Saying that love doesn’t exist discounted my broken heart. That’s why it hurt, right? Because I love you. Because I’ve loved you since before I knew what that meant. I denied myself the right to feel that when I said those things. And I tried to make us something we weren’t. Because we were in love, Peter. Or... are? I don’t know. That’s why this is all so terrible. Because it’s real. Love. And us. It’s real. I’m sorry that I tried to tell you it wasn’t. That was wrong. And even though you hurt me so bad, you didn’t deserve that. If anything, you deserve to know that I loved you as much as anyone has ever loved another person and you threw that away. But you deserve to know that I loved you... love you. Whatever.”
“I still can’t be with you. You broke my heart and I need to figure out how to fix it. I’m still so mad at you. I still think you fucked up. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t love you. And I did get one thing right - if we’re meant to be, we’ll find our way back to each other. I don’t know... I don’t know if I believe in soulmates anymore, but if that’s what we are, we’ll end up together. And if not... well, we were in love.”
“I’m sorry that I said we weren’t. I’m sorry that I kissed you and pretended I didn’t feel anything. I’m sorry I got pissed at you for sleeping with other people when I was doing the same thing. But I’m not sorry that I don’t wanna marry you.”
