i was on his phone when he was going to have a shower so i started reading his and is friends messages and what my boyfriend wrote was completely heart-breaking. he told his friend we broke up and that he wanted his friends friend Sarah to hook him up with some of her fucking single friends!!! like what the fuck!!!! i just wanted to scream at his face how much i fucking hated him, but i didn’t and i should have. and then i was cuddling with him on the couch as he fell asleep in my arms and so i was paying on his phone and then his old friend camilie messaged him and so i went to see what she said and she didn’t say anything important so i seen that she saved all of there messages and i seen that he told her that he wont be lonely that night and then he send her pics of girls that he met on a dating app .

it broke me and then i went into the room and started packing my shit because i just wanted to go home because i didn’t want to be with him anymore not after he lied and told me that he only messaged his friend Matt about his friend Sarah, and I’m pretty that hes still going behind my back i don’t know my guts telling me not to trust him because if hes okay with doing that then what else is he willing to do. I’m also pretty sure that his friend Camilia thinks he’s single because every girl he’s talked to he’s never once manged to tell them that hes in a relationship with someone. 

She asked me yesterday: “What’s up with you lately?” Like she doesn’t know.

1. You and her are getting on my nerves with your behaviour. You act like everything is on it’s place. Like you can’t do that. You act like we’re “best” friends, but I see how you act when I come at your place or you’re at mine or even when we go to get some coffee. I see it. I know I’ll never have that something you like you have it with her and believe me I got over that but sometimes it still hits me.

2. My other friends are shit. One is constantly complaning about everything. He sees bad in everything. He’s not bad person but I can’t take it anymore. I can’t listen to him that he’s not setisfied with anything.

3. The other one is constantly busy. She doesn’t have time for me at all. She alway talks about how we’re gonna get drunk and get high and have a good time. But I’m not the priority. There’s always something that comes in between. Like we talk on the phone about everything. She’s really an open minded person but I can’t do it anymore.

4. Last but not least. Someone who I really love and she has special place in my heart moved an ocean away. And how do you expect me to act? Lately we weren’t close but still. It’s diferent if someone lives 15km away or 10K km away. I’m happy for her but still I miss her. Alot.

5. Things at home. I can’t even begin. We might lose our apartment. I can’t let myself get to me becouse of my mom. Don’t get me wrong I love my mom. She’s the most beautiful person in my life. In every way. But we can’t finish any conversation withou fighting.

And when I go out or I get stoned, only then I can forget a little bit about everything.

Everything lately is too much. I don’t know how much I can keep inside. Every fucking day I cry myself to sleep. Or even worse. I feel like crying every fucking moment.