#cannucks

Quinn’s POV: 

She was nervous, I have no idea why. She fiddles with the ring I purchased her after she lost her last. The gold band lined with pale green and blue stones. I liked this ring as green is her favourite colour and mine is blue, also cannucks colours! I nudge her hand with mine to stop her from this downward spiral, next she will be nervously chewing her nails. I tried to ease the room with a joke in hopes to calm her nerves. It worked for a second as she bats at my chest and roles her gorgeous eyes.

Her rambling is cute, situations like this make me feel like nothing has happened. She still looks the same as the girl I fell in love with. Now a scar craved into her forehead. But still my girl. It’s been hard to reframe from all the things we use to do; the innocent touches, the not so innocent, I am sick of holding a pillow at night and not being able to smell her. 

“Can I kiss you?” 

I didn’t even hear the rest of her rambles as I too struck. I smile. I haven’t smiled quite like that on a while. “Sure thing sunshine.” It comes out naturally. I always called her sunshine or sunny because that’s what she is to me. My sunshine. She turns back to face the windscreen as I can see a smile grow on her face. How can I not like this girl? I’m so lucky to have her, to still have her. I almost lost her but I will do everything it takes to keep her here. She returns to singing however I don’t know if it was the lyrics or the person singing it but those words hit harder than normal. I felt three gentle squeezes to my hand. I. Love. You. Does she remember what that means? My mind is sent reeling. 

———

My mind is so distracted the rest of the drive home, I’m surprised when we pull up. The music is playing faintly as my phone sits in the kitchen. I stack the cabinet in the bathroom with the purchased products from todays trip. I stop and look at myself in the mirror, a big sigh, followed by a smile as today begins to settle in. Today was good. We have had some rough days since the accident, disagreements, feelings left unsaid, stress and some nights early on I could hear her crying from our bedroom. For the first time no matter what I do no pain goes away.

I walk back down the hallway, the faint music becoming louder, in the golden light casting through the window, a goddess. My sunshine. Dancing around the kitchen carefree putting the groceries away. As she opens the pantry door and places the spices down o grab her waist and spin her around. All my worries disappear. 

I hold her close, we sway back and forth. Our eyes interlocked, our bodies have a conversation. She tilts her head to rest her forehead on mine. We stay like this as the swaying slows. In comparison to the past 3 weeks this is extremely Intimate. I tilt my head the rest of the way, our lips interlock. Gentle but conveying the desperation, stress and anxiety we’ve had for the past three weeks. It’s only short. I’m sure only a few seconds. We pull apart and return to our foreheads resting on each other as we stand in the kitchen swaying to the faint beat. Her head slowly migrates to my chest, which is pounding quickly with my heart about to jump out and kiss her again.

——

My phone is pressed to my chest on speaker as I get comfortable in bed. I can’t wipe the grin off my face. I feel like a school boy, what is this? “Hi honey, how are you and Iris?” A sigh leaves my lips, different from the others, this time with a smile returning. “Good, we are gonna be okay mum.” 

After I hang up, I sit there and stare at my sealing, the bed empty next to me as Iris is across the hallway. It settles in that this is my new reality. My mind wanders away from today and back to 3 weeks ago. 

I pace around the room, my phone ringing on the couch next to me, I rush to it hoping it’s Iris. But as I raise it to my ear I see an unknown number flashing across the screen. I swipe with hesitation. What if she calls whilst I am speaking with whoever this is? “This is Vancouver General Hospital I’m calling to speak with Mr Quinn Hughes.” “Speaking.” 

“I’m sorry to inform you Mr Hughes, you are listed as an emergency contact for a Miss Henderson she has been in an accident and it currently at our hospital.”

*Italics indicate flashbacks.

Iris' POV:

A few days have passed since Quinn and my conversation. I feel like I am being doused in love by Quinn. I imagine this is how he treated me very early on in our relationship. Getting me flowers very regularly, even getting them delivered when he is on a roadie. I have noticed he is definitely a gift giving and acts of service kind of man. From small gifts to him running ahead to open any and all doors, making sure I am on the inside of the footpath (I've noticed) and cooking all meals. He has been sprinkling in the occasional anecdote from my past.

Today Quinn and I are on a walk around the park. It is a rare day off, Quinn is not working out or doing captain or team related business. Any minute of his down time has been spent with me, not looking after me but with me.

We shared breakfast at my new favourite cafe, purchased a book each from the bookstore and are now walking hand in hand to the local park. Quinn finds a nice park bench which is secluded from others however has view of nearly everyone in the park. We sat in silence reading on the bench.

If you had a time lapse set up you would see Quinn barely move, only to accomodate me and I shift around constantly. I currently have my feet propped up on Quinn's thighs his hands resting on my ankles with his book in grasp. I let out a sigh as I cast my gaze to the people in the park. I am broken from my trance by the feeling of eyes glued to me. I look to see a smiling Quinn.

"I've always liked to people watch," I say randomly as my eyes return to the people. "You know we use to play a game of sorts."

Quinn pauses as I turn to him as he has piqued my interest. A smile in fondness of the memory engraved to his gorgeous face. "We'd make up stories for the people we were watching. Little back stories or where the person was coming from or going to." He lets out a breathy chuckle, "You were always much better at it than me." This puts a smile on my face as I 100% know Quinn is competitive and always wins. I'm sure this is a sore spot for him. "Although we turned it into more of a Guess-Who game and instead of picking someone first and telling each other, we would make a description and the other would have to guess who we are talking about." "That sounds fun." My relationship with Quinn has become more playful since our conversation, his worry and anxiety from my health has eased.

"Want to play?" He asked like we were kids on the playground. I nod and Quinn begins.

"Okay let me see. This person a business person by day but dreams of being musician. Stuck in a boring routine, dressed the same everyday but he yearns for more. I imagine plays 2 or 3 kinds of instruments, maybe chello and guitar but their favourite the harp," he speaks very animated.

My eyes scouting the grassy area ahead of us but turn to look at Quinn, with a crease in brows I lightly brush his shoulder, "who plays the harp?" I ask not expecting a response. Quinn looks to me accepting the challenge, "this guy does." My eyes light up and a smile stretches onto my face "Ha it's a man." My eyes dart back in front of us and scout the area again. A grunt is let out from beside me, "You cheated." I ignore Quinn as I point to a man sitting on a bench, dressed in a grey and black suit with headphones in his foot tapping along the cement and his hands gliding in the air subtly. "That was easy." Quinn rolls his eyes at me "Fine, may I try to redeem myself?" He asks sarcastically. "It's your grave to dig."

Quinn turns his body back away from me and looks around. A smile tugs to his lips as he begins again, attempt 2. "Okay okay this person." He exaggerates the word person and slowly turns his gaze to me. A small smile and tilt of my shoulder and head in a cheeky manner greet him. "This person could command a room if they wanted to, but they are too humble and nice for that. They have a way of making you feel like the most important person in the world, just by the way they look at you. I imagine this person has been through a lot, but they don't let it weigh them down. Instead, they have this quiet strength, a strength that makes them stand out even when they're trying to blend in. And despite how much they give to everyone around them, they still have this soft, almost shy side to them, a vulnerability they only let a few people see."

I glance at Quinn, raising an eyebrow, expecting him to be waiting for my guess. But his gaze is fixed on the park, a small, knowing smile playing at the edges of his lips, his fingers gently brushing over my ankle, like he’s trying to keep his composure.

I take a moment, my thoughts racing, trying to piece together the description. The more he speaks, the more it feels...familiar. Too familiar. The warmth in my chest is undeniable as my heart starts to race.

"If only to speak with them or if you are lucky enough to be flashed a smile. I'm sure everyone in their life would spend every waking moment, grateful for them being in their life."

I glance at him, trying to suppress the grin forming on my face. "Are you talking about me?" I ask, my voice light, but there’s a playful challenge in my tone.

Quinn’s eyes flicker with surprise, quickly followed by an easy smile, though his cheeks flush ever so slightly. "You guessed it," he says, his voice tinged with affection, "It’s you, always you."

A soft laugh escapes me, and I feel my heart swell, a mixture of love and something deeper—something I can’t quite put into words. "You’ve been talking about me this whole time," I tease, nudging his shoulder. He chuckles softly, a playful glint in his eyes. His hand finds mine, giving it a gentle squeeze. "I never shy away from an opportunity to talk about you."

"My turn?" I look at him quite excited. Quinn's gaze never leaves mine as the words leave his lips in a teasing manner, "bring it on." I turn to glance around the park, eyes scanning the scene as Quinn’s hand continues its soft, comforting motions on my ankle. The warmth of his touch makes my heart flutter, but I push it aside, focusing on the game. I settle on a woman sitting by herself under a tree, her posture relaxed yet purposeful, a book in her lap. She looks like she could be a professor, or maybe a writer, her dark sunglasses perched on top of her head as she traces her finger along the edge of the page. A slow smile spreads across my face as an idea forms in my mind.

"Alright, here we go," I start, shifting on the bench to be facing the scenery in front of us. "This person is fiercely independent. They don’t need anyone, but they’ll always be there for those they love. They’ve built their life on their own terms, but sometimes, there’s a quiet sadness that lingers in their eyes. They bury it behind a smile, but you can tell there’s more to their story if you look close enough."

Out of the corner of my eye I can see Quinn tilting his head, his lips curving upward in that way that makes my heart skip a beat, his eyes glimmering with curiosity, but I can tell he’s not fooled by my antics.

“They don’t ask for help, even when they need it. They’re used to carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders, because if they don’t, who will?” I let the words linger in the air between us, watching as Quinn’s eyes soften, his fingers reaching for mine. Our hands sit on the wooden bench between us. He knows but he doesn't say anything, we sit in a comfortable silence. It's one of those silences where everything feels understood without needing to be spoken.

I focus on our hands, the delicate hold Quinn has on me. I squeeze his and three times as the words come out of my lips almost as an instinct. "I. Love. You." A faint memory slips through the cracks—one I hadn’t expected, one I hadn’t even realised I’d forgotten.

I blink, and for the briefest of moments, I see us. The old versions of ourselves, before the accident. When we met, our first date, the first time Quinn took me skating.

"I'm scared, what if I fall?" Confessing to a professional ice hockey player how bad your ability is to skate is so embarrassing. He could skate before he could walk for crying out loud. After a whole lot of persuasion I am on the ice, clinging to Quinn's form as if my life depended on it. "Hey look at me, I've got you, okay?" His eyes hold a reassuring look. He squeezes my hands three times and punctuates each one with the words "I. Love. You." As if a weight is lifted from my shoulders and I knew everything would be alright with Quinn next to me. "I won't let anything happen to you."

For a split second, I feel like I’m being pulled back in time, back to when everything was simpler, when the love we shared felt like it could never be shaken. My heart skips a beat, and I hold my breath, afraid that if I exhale, I’ll lose the memory. However I am thrown into another one.

I am lying in bed Quinn's head crawls out form underneath the sheets. "Happy birthday sunshine." A tired giggle leaves my lips. My hands weave through his hair and my nails scratch at the nap of his neck as he places his head on my stomach. "I will not be upset if that is all you got me for today." As if I just triggered something, Quinn rips his body away from mine as he jumps out of our bed and trips over the shoes left near the bed. He hastily brings something back from our shared wardrobe. It looks like a ring box. I instantly sit up. "Quinn tell me this isn't what I think it is," I let out a shaky breath. "It's not that, I can reassure you." A sigh leaves my lips as my mind and mouth begin to ramble. "oh thank god, not that I don't love you, I do, of course I do but we are have only been together for 5 months and we haven't really ever spoke about marriage and..." I am cut off by a kiss to my lips shutting me up. "Breathe and open it." I do as he says. I am welcomed with the most gorgeous ring, decorated with sky blue and soft green stones encrusted in gold. "Quinn, this is beautiful... thank you."

I come back to the present. My hand that once was in Quinn's hold is now clutching my chest. It is an odd feeling, knowing things you didn't previously know. They didn't rush back how I thought they would, there was no powerpoint video or fan edit that flashed through my mind but just a sense of self. Little moments. My memories. Our memories.

I hesitantly look back at Quinn, almost worried it may all disappear again. "I..I I didn't tell you about that," He stumbles over his words as he turns his body to face me. "You didn't have to." I look down at my ring that Quinn got me. "I remember," the words come out breathless as my gaze finds his.

The world around us feels like it’s fading into the background as we look at each other, a quiet understanding passing between us. In the blink of an eye we were holding each other, Quinn's hands and delicately placed on my face as he gazes into my eyes, almost as if I will break or that I will disappear as quick as my memories did. One of my hands rest on his chest as the other is tangled in his hair. The distance between the two of us closing, both of us as eager as the other. His breath fans over my face as he lets out a sigh of relief, anticipation holding the tension around us.

Iris’ POV:

The silence was palpable on the drive home, a heavy weight pressing between us that neither of us seemed to know how to lift. The hum of the engine and the occasional whoosh of passing cars filled the air, but the quiet between Quinn and me felt like a thick fog that stayed heavy in the air. After we said our goodbyes to Quinn’s family, we had walked back to his car. Quinn kept stealing glances at me, his eyes flicking to my face in a desperate attempt to read me, to figure out what I was thinking. He tried to engage in small talk, asked if I was okay, if I had enjoyed the visit—but his words felt hollow in my ears. He was trying, trying everything in his power to get me to react, to get me to say something, anything. But I couldn’t. Not when Jack’s words kept playing in my mind, turning over and over like a record stuck on repeat.

I know Jack didn’t mean to be rude or insensitive. He was just being himself, trying to make light of a situation. But we were far from the light. Had this not happened to me, I would have laughed but it did happen to me, I lost pieces of myself. No matter how hard Quinn tries, no matter how much he wants to bring me back, I’m not sure there’s anything left to bring.

Despite things being better with Quinn it’s still hard. I’m a stranger in my own life that I built. I feel like everyone else around me has grown but I haven’t. Everyone expects and waits for my memories to come flooding back, treating me like it will all change one morning but what if it doesn’t. What if this is it? What then? 

These questions swirl around my brain, distracting me from the drive home and Quinn. My mind was so distracted my body acted on autopilot and when Quinn pulled up to his home I unlocked my seatbelt and walked inside. I find myself standing in the living room looking around in hopes something will trigger my memories. Like I haven’t been in this room the past 2 months. As I stand still near the couch, an overwhelming sense of emptiness washes over me. My body feels rooted to the spot, as if I am unable to move or escape the weight of my thoughts. My mind is brought back to the present when I feel wetness fall down my cheeks, a slow trickle.

I complete a full rotation, standing in the one spot and turning my body to look at the room. Nothing, no memories. My eyes fall to Quinn, he is standing over an arms length away from me staring at me with pleading eyes. “Please Iris, talk to me,” his voice is soft, barely reaching my ears but laced with desperation. It's as if he’s afraid of saying it too loud, afraid that the fragile space between us will break if he does. My head begins to shake side to side as tears charge forward pushing through my eye lids. A shaken “please” is whispered through the air. 

“Quinn.” The word feels heavy as it leaves my mouth. I immediately hesitate. What do I say? What can I say? My mind spins in circles, each thought tangled with another, each feeling jumbled and unclear. If I speak my real thoughts, if I voice the fear that has settled deep in my chest, I wonder if Quinn will look at me the same way ever again. And the thought of him seeing me differently, of him pulling away, makes me feel sick to my stomach.

I swallow hard, trying to force the words out, trying to make sense of what I’m feeling. “Quinn I fear I’m not getting any better.” The moment the words leave my mouth the air in the room shifts, the weight of my confession settling between us. But before I can even try to explain further, Quinn steps in, moving toward me with a speed that surprises me.

“No.” His voice cracks as he shakes his head in denial, the word coming out like a soft plea. “You heard what the doctors said. It could take a few months. They’re hopeful. We’re hopeful.”

I want to believe him. I want to let his words wrap around me and hold me together. But I’m not sure who Quinn is trying to reassure, me, or himself. The room is silent, my heart pounding in my ears, a pain in my temples. I sink down onto the couch. Quinn is quick to follow me, like he’s afraid to let me out of his reach.

“But what if this is it?” The question sits heavy in the room, weighing down our shoulders, mind and mood. "What if this is it for me? What if I don’t remember…” My eyes drop to my hands, fidgeting nervously as I try to hold myself together. “What does that mean for us?” Out of the corner of my eye Quinn's head is shaking.

“Don’t” Quinn’s voice cuts through the room with force, “don’t even start.” His voice cracks slightly. A command, but more desperate, as if he’s pleading with me to stop, to stop questioning everything.

He is in denial. My eyes lift to meet his, and what I see in them breaks me. His eyes are bloodshot, the rims red from lack of sleep, and his lips are pulled tight, trying to hide the tremor of emotion threatening to spill out. But it’s the anger in his gaze that catches me off guard. There’s an edge to it. How dare I bring this up? How dare I question us? How dare I even entertain the idea that things might be falling apart?

"Quinn," I say again, my voice trembling. I don’t want to hurt him, but we can’t keep pretending. "We have to be honest here, I’m not getting better, I am not the person you fell in love with and I am not the love you knew before. I know you are waiting for me to magically remember and I’m trying, I promise you, but it’s not working." My voice cracks on the last words, my eyes not breaking his gaze. "I mean even if we can get around this obstacle together, what about the others in our life? The team, your friends, your parents and brothers.”

I can see Quinn’s jaw tense, his fists clenching at his sides. “Is this about Jack?” he interrupts, his voice rising with anger. Despite Jack being his brother I fear in this moment, Quinn doesn’t care and he would punch him if that reassured me.

“No it’s not about Jack, it’s about us. Quinn I can tell you have been struggling, I see you trying but I can’t continue to watch you struggle with the fact that I am not the same person.”

I reach out for Quinn’s hand, a small gesture. small. His hand is warm, familiar, and as my fingers close around his, I feel a sense of comfort. "These past two months have been incredibly hard and stressful for both of us." I begin, my voice soft but steady, though it trembles at the edges.

"But, I wouldn’t have wanted to do it with anyone else. You have been a constant for me these past two months and I am incredibly grateful for that. I pause for a moment, the weight of the sentiment settling over us. “It’s so hard to explain… but I know I have limited memories of you. It’s like… my body knows you, Quinn. It trusts you. It’s like you’re home to me, but I can’t remember why.”

The room seems to grow heavy around us, like all the air is sucked out and everything is suspended in time. "I know why I fell in love with you, you are sweet, caring, patient, persistent. And the hardest thing through all of this is I can tell you still love me.” Our grip on each other tightens, acting as a life line in this moment.

“But Quinn…” The words feel like they stick in my throat. “I’m not the person you knew.” I stare down at our hands, fingers interlocked. My anxiety tightens it's grip on my chest, suffocating me in the uncertainty of everything. My own insecurities and the fear of the unknown stop me from speaking. Slowly, I pull my hand away from Quinn’s. He doesn’t stop me, and the absence of his touch makes my heart race in a way that sends panic shooting through me.

“Would you fall in love with me again?”

The question hangs in the air, a fragile yet heavy thread, pulling at every corner of the room. Silence presses in, thick and suffocating, as if the very air around us has paused, waiting for the answer. I don’t have the courage to lift my gaze to find Quinn’s. Instead, I keep my gaze fixed on the ground. Seconds stretch into eternity. I feel like I’m back in that sterile hospital room, the coldness of the walls pressing in on me, the fear, the stress, the isolation swirling in my chest.

The silence is finally broken by a deep breath. I look up briefly, my eyes slowly traveling over Quinn’s body, but before I can find the courage to meet his gaze, his hands reach out for mine. My eyes are drawn back down to my lap. His touch is gentle and grounding.

“Iris, look at me.” His voice is soft but insistent, and I feel my breath catch in my throat. A tightness forms in my chest, and I can’t tell if it’s the weight of his words or the uncertainty of my own feelings that makes it so hard to breathe.

With a deep exhale I lift my tear-filled eyes to meet his, and everything seems to stop. His gaze is intense, filled with something raw and vulnerable that makes my heart ache.

“I will fall in love with you over and over again, I don’t care how, where or when, no matter how long it’s been your mine.” His hand squeezing mine, “even if this isn’t what you choose, even if you choose to walk away, even if you don’t choose me, you’ll always me mine. I will never get over you Iris Henderson." His voice cracks slightly, but he pushes forward. “So don’t tell me you’re not the same person. Because you will always be my sunshine.”

His words wash over me, and in that moment, an unspoken conversation happens between us as the the words sink in the silence. Seconds feel like hours as the vow Quinn just proclaimed dances around the room, creating more tension. Our eyes do not divert, Quinn’s eyes constantly searching mine, his voice drops, “Will you fall in love with me?”

The question hangs in the air like the weight of the world. I didn't think the tension could suffocate the air anymore than it already has, however it finds a way. A lump in my throat forms as my chest tightens, and the pit in my stomach deepens. How can I answer him when I'm so unsure of eveything?

A slight nod. Barely a perceptible gesture in his direction, the smallest acknowledgment. For a fleeting second Quinn smiles. It’s a kind of smile you could miss if you blinked but it’s enough to signal that he already knows my answer. I reach for his hand, Quinn’s finger runs over my ring as he glances back up. Another second passes. And then, I nod more sure of myself.

"Please I need to hear you say it," Quinn says almost out of breath, hopelessness dripping.

The air in the room begins to clear. His finger wipes over my ring, but his eyes do not break mine. "Yes Quinn, I.. I will fall in love with you again."

He pulls me into his arms, enveloping me completely as his chin rests gently on top of my head. I’m tucked snugly under his arms, my head pressed against his chest, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat beneath my cheek. I inhale deeply, his scent wrapping around me like a comforting embrace. The earthy warmth of him soothes me, grounding me in this moment.

Quinn shifts slightly, his chin moving from its previous spot on my head, and his hand gently cradles my cheeks. His lips brush against my forehead, his voice soft and reassuring. “Together from now on, okay?”

Iris’ POV:

Things have been a little tense but also there has been a a smidge of hope between the two of us now that I am beginning to remember. I say beginning I have only remembered the accident a few nights ago and since then nothing. I thought Quinn was holding a lot of stress on his shoulders nearly 2 months ago when I woke in that hospital room, but now added to the mix is the recent loosing streak the Canucks have been on. Quinn takes it all personally and he is stretching himself too thin. Between the demands from the team, franchise, media and me, he isn’t looking after himself. I am trying not to be a burden however it doesn’t seem to be working, Quinn is worried about everything. 

Yesterday morning I was standing on one of our dining room chairs the other day, getting a container from a shelf that sits above the fridge. Quinn was getting ready for morning practice so I didn’t want to bother him. However as I grabbed the container and did a little internal cheer for joy when I did a task independently. I heard accelerating footsteps around the corner. Oh no. “What are you doing?” I can still hear his voice laced in panic and fear. He grabs my waist and lifts me down. His hands didn’t leave my waist as he checks me over head to toe. “I’m okay Quinn, I promise,” I look him dead in the eyes, however his eyes still shift around my body. “But what is something happened? What if you feel and hit your head again? What if you did more damage?” Ah the what ifs, the recent fixation Quinn has held. “I’m okay,” I bring his attention back to me and he physically shakes his shoulders and relaxes. Quinn was very hesitant to leave for morning skate, it took me shoving him out the door. 

Today I am getting out of the house and going to my first Canucks game! Well I suppose not my first game but first game I remember. Quinn has a list, longer than me of his worries of what could go wrong. As someone who loves hockey I did not want to sit in the WAG box, Quinn’s worry list got longer. However it worked out well for Quinn because he is versing the Devils which means his parents are in town to watch their sons. Now I’m terrified because I am not only meeting the parents but also sitting with them for the whole game. Quinn has told me I’ve met Ellen and Jim multiple times before but I’m still bubbling with nerves. Plus I am meeting Jack and Luke for the first time in this mental capacity. I suppose Quinn and I are sharing our worry list today. 

Quinn left early this morning to get to the rink before the afternoon game. He was adamant he wanted to drive me to the game, despite me refusing and suggesting I would walk to the arena and that way we can drive back together. I didn’t even dare suggesting I would drive the car, that is a sensitive topic still.

I’m dressed in blue jeans and the black Vancouver jersey, proudly donning Hughes 43 across my back and arms. The fabric feels comfortable as I look in the mirror, the pride in my chest grows. Over growing the worry. I'm interrupted by my pinging on my phone, and sure enough, a new message from Ellen pops up, lighting up my screen with a familiar warmth. “You’re wearing Quinn’s jersey today, right? Good choice. We’ll have Jack’s, and Jim’s got Luke’s. That way, we’re all showing support. We can’t wait to see you today. Don’t stress, give me a nudge if at any point you feel too overwhelmed.”

I read the message again, feeling the tension in my shoulders begin to ease. How does she know what to say? It’s uncanny, really. Quinn said I was close with Ellen. Maybe that is why she has this uncanny ability to read me, to understand exactly what I need without me even having to speak a word. I didn’t tell her how nervous I was about the today. She just knew.

I finish getting ready and sit scrolling through Quinn and my photos to help trigger my memories. We look so in love, so comfortable with each other. Will it ever return to that? Quinn’s what ifs and worries have been guided by my health and safety. However mine are about the future, what if my memories don’t come back what then, will Quinn still be there. A knock interrupts my thoughts that will be Ellen and Jim, all together we are walking to the arena and that way the boys can drive us to dinner after the game and Quinn's mind can be at ease. 

The walk to the arena was short and yet comfortable. The walk accompanied by light conversation with both Ellen and Jim, catching up over the past 2 months and how I have been but also talking about the game. The crowd was electric. We were sitting in the lower bowl, prefect seats. The crowd's chatter amplified by the hundreds, the cold air filtering through the vents, the smell of beer, hot food and sweat filled the air. Oh yeah it is nice to be back. As we sit down in our seats, I’m filled with a sense of familiarity, my body looks around and I can remember being near the glass and Quinn throwing a puck over at me, a heart drawn on one side, other times sitting with the WAGS in the box or cheering Quinn on sitting alone in the crowd. It wasn’t like the movies when a million flashes of memories accompanied by an 'ah ha' moment. Instead it was a rush of familiarity, a sense of I have been here before. 

Quinn’s POV:

This is the best we have been playing in over a month. It’s the third period and we are up 4 goals to 2. Every time I play my younger brothers I feel like a kid again playing street hockey. But I have a feeling it has to do with someone who is in the crowd tonight. I can’t lie when she asked if she could come to the game I was super excited, then the worry set in but knowing my mum and dad are sitting right next to her eases the worries. 

After the post game interviews and a shower, I walk out of the changing rooms and I am met by the best sight I have ever seen. My sunshine dressed in my jersey. The sleeves consuming her arms, with her back to me, I can see my name craved into her back. My brothers and parents are standing their laughing and smiling. I walk up nudging Jack pushing my way into the circle and ruffling Luke’s hair. Congratulations are thrown around welcomed with hugs as well as chirps from my bothers. I turn to Iris, she latches on to me for a hug, her small hands gently rubbing my back and one landing on my neck. For just a second she brings me in even tighter before whispering “congratulations.”

I pull her a little closer, letting the warmth of her presence settle in as the noise around us fades into the background. Her embrace feels like everything I’ve been waiting for after a long, grueling game. She always knows how to make everything feel like it’s right again. As she pulls back, her eyes meet mine, and for a brief moment, I lose myself in the way she looks at me—like the day we first met and we are falling in love all over again.

“Thanks,” I murmur, my voice low, a grin tugging at the corners of my lips. “The win feels bigger with you here.” She smiles, her eyes lighting up in a way that makes my chest tighten, and I’m not sure if it’s from the game or just her being near me, but I don’t want to pull away. Her fingers linger on my back, sending a shiver through me. I step back slightly, taking a breath, trying to keep my focus. My brothers and parents are still around, engaged in their own conversation, but in this moment, it’s just me and Iris.

On our walk back to the car, after we broke away from my family I turn to Iris with a cheeky grin growing. “So, you’re wearing my jersey, huh?” I ask, my voice teasing but soft, a playful smirk crossing my face. Her smile widens, and she nudges me gently, “What can I say? You’re my favourite player.” I laugh, shaking my head, but I can’t help the way my heart feels full at her words. I open the door and we begin the short drive to a local restaurant.

We are all gathered around a table out for dinner. This is the one thing I miss about living in Canada, my family and not spending time with them. But then I met this girl, my girl and suddenly I didn’t feel so upset about missing out being in another country. This feels normal. At one point during dinner an inside joke was brought up but Iris didn’t remember the joke, Jack being Jack teased Iris about her memory and everyone giggled. It came from a warm hearted place, Jack and Iris got along and always ganged up on others but Jack hasn’t been there the last 2 months and seen the impact the accident had.  

Italics is representative of a flashback.

Iris POV:

"Well then what more do you want me to do Quinn?!" I stare at him in rage. We got home from the game tonight. A win for Cannucks! We should be celebrating right now but no.

I was a fan of hockey long before I met Quinn not for the Cannucks but loved it. The crowd, the food, the atmosphere, there’s just nothing like it. When I started dating Quinn I made it clear that I did not want to be in the WAG box every game. It just doesn’t have the same vibe. Some of the girls couldn’t care less about the game and more for the socials or the drinks. Not me I want a jumbo coke or beer in one hand and a some greasy food in the other. I want to cheer at the top of my lungs and high five the people next to me when the horn goes off or walk out at the end of the game with a collective feeling of sadness. So I always sit in the crowd. I sit with the wags on occasion throughout the season to touch base with them or as I prefer to invite them to our place when there is an away game. 

Quinn looks at me as he throws his arms in the air “I don’t care but don’t throw yourself at guys when your boyfriend is near you.” “For the hundredth time Quinn I did not. I was waiting for you at the diner after the game, to get our hot drink before we go home. When that man walked up to me and started chatting about the game.”

“Oh come on Iris he was clearly flirting with you.” He roles his eyes. “Quinn I can’t control his actions I was being polite but was not flirting back. I don’t need to when I have you to come home to.” I hoped that will calm Quinn down. If one of us is calmer, the other typically calms down. But I fear this was going on a lot longer than it normally does. Quinn was tired and instead of giving in and sleeping his mind was telling him to do the opposite. He has been so stressed about the current season and the news articles rolling in aren’t helping ease his mind. He is normally able to leave these kind of emotions at work, unfortunately it has been little things bubbling up all week. Anything from laundry, cooking, lack of communication and to put a cherry on top we have jealously. Quinn isn't typically a jealous guy. I like to think we have trust in this relationship but this has all been bubbling under the surface waiting to explode.

“I tell you what Quinn. I’m going for a drive, I’ll be back and then we can talk about it.” In a disagreement I always need time to think, I typically will go for a walk but it has been snowing or I go into another room however, I didn’t really want to be in the same house as Quinn. When he is in this mood he continues to seek out the fight.

I grab my keys and start the car. I have no destination in mind but I will only drive around local streets for about 15-20 minutes before I return. That normally gives us plenty of time to think before we are able to talk about it. 

I’m stopped at a red light. Light music playing the background, I’m not even paying attention to as I drive aimlessly. A screech is heard behind me. It all happened so fast, I couldn’t do anything. My car was slammed into behind me, some dipshit who didn’t stop quick enough or at all. I’m shoved into the middle of the intersection. I black out. I hazily pry my eyes open my door is crumbled into me and something is dripping into my eye.

I wake up gasping for air. I’m sweating. Oh my goddess it was a dream. As I sit there calming my racing heart and breath. My hand reaches up to wipe my forehead free of sweat, my hands run over the scar that runs from my forehead to hair. It’s wasn’t a dream.

I remembered something! It’s horrible but I remembered something. 

Iris’ POV:

I’m dressed in a mid length navy dress, don’t worry our aircon is pumping warm around around the house. I sit at our vanity staring at myself in the mirror. I sit there as my brush runs circles around my cheeks blending in the foundation. My eyes keep getting drawn back to my forehead where a small scar sits. Acting as a reminder of the struggles Quinn and I have faced this past month and how alienated I feel from this life I built. Once I finish I adjust my hair, to cover the scar. 

I walk back into the kitchen to finish up the final touches of the food. Today Quinn and I are hosting his team and the WAGS over. I haven’t seen them since before my accident, therefore I don’t know them. Tonight may be an overwhelming night however something I want to do for Quinn, for us. A slice of normalcy. I’ve seen from photos and videos we use to host regular nights with the team and the significant others. I want to be that person again but I don’t know how. 

Soon all people file in. Chorus’ of “nice to see you Iris,” greet me with big hugs from freakishly tall men and women flood the room trying to pull me away from Quinn to catch up. Much to Quinn’s dismay they win this battle, I’m whisked away to the couch. Everyone has been lovely and understanding of my current state. My eyes float around the room, looking at all the people that are in Quinn’s life. My eyes lock with Quinn, he is already looking at me. I look behind me like he is looking at someone else. Shit I forgot we are dating, he is looking at me. I turn around back at him and he is chuckling to himself. We both turn back to our respective conversations. Lina, Lankinen’s partner speaks to me about the upcoming games and any plans for me to attend them. 

I have been offered so much wine, however I cannot drink at the moment. So I stand in the kitchen looking out at everyone mingling and others watching a game on the TV. Surprise. You can take the players out of hockey but not the hockey out of the player. I feel like a fly on the wall, seperate to these people, strangers. It settles once again I know no one in this city and I am alone in that. Everyone here knows me and yet I don’t know myself. I don’t know if it the thoughts or the loud chatter coming from every part of the room. Have I had any water today? I feel a pounding headache. I brush my hair out of the way of my scar and let my fingers run down it. I begin to feel my heart thumping in my chest as my fingers interlock. Where is my ring? My heart racing more, I don’t know why but I now begin to get worry that I have lost this ring.

I walk down to the bathroom and our bedroom scouting for my ring. Bathroom, nope. Bedroom, nope. I can’t remember when I last had it. I decide to get some fresh air as I am now beginning to struggle to breathe. Deep breaths aren’t helping. I grab my keys and step out in the cold. Walking to the car, the cold air calming me. I feel numb in the night. 

Quinn and I went to pick up food for tonight's festivities earlier today, I am hoping to ring is sitting somewhere in our car. I am sitting with the car doors open as I look around for my ring. Nothing in the back seats. I find my drink bottle wedged between the two seats, a lolly wrapper, charging cords and advil sit scattered around the passenger side but no ring. As I’m still preoccupied digging through the drivers seat I don’t hear the shouting of my name in the cold of the night. I am frightened when I see Quinn at the door of the car, looking like a mad man. 

“Don’t go! Please Don’t…”

He doesn’t finish his words as his is short of breath. His eyes held pure fear, his cheeks flushed, as well a slight blushing pink painted across his forehead like a post game Quinn.

“What is going on?” I look at him confused. “You can’t leave me, again… please.” He stands there helpless begging me not to go. I don’t understand. My grows crease and I tilt my head. “Quinn I’m not going anywhere, I’m trying to find my ring, you know my blue and green one?” He looks like he just dropped a 100 pound weight. “Right, um your ring.” His arm reaches up and runs through his hair, messing up his perfectly styled waves. I turn my body full to face his and run my hand through his hair, fixing it back into place. He leans into me and takes a step to be between my legs sandwiched between the car door on the drivers side. 

“What is going on Quinn?” He eyes lock to mine and he shakes his head. I grab his hands in mine and squeeze three times.  His eyes lock back to me, acknowledgement, understanding, love? “It’s just I am so worried,” he begins to air his thoughts. “I looked around the room and you weren’t there, I spoke to Lina and she said she hadn’t seen you in a bit. I checked every room in our house and you were missing, then I saw your keys gone and” his eyes cast down to our hands, still interlocked. “And my mind went back to the night the accident happened, then I saw you in the car and my worst fear came into my mind.” My hands climb his body and land on his shoulders. A light squeeze to his shoulders bring his eyes back to mine. Tension fizzling out with my touch. My head tilts in confusion and prompting him to continue. 

“I fear I’m loosing you.”

“Oh Quinn,” he interrupts me. “No don’t, this has always been my fear. I never deserved you but I won the lottery because you chose me. But the night of your accident I was so close to loosing you. I think my luck is running out, and if you leave me now. I don’t like my chances.” I hold Quinn’s gaze and heavy sigh escapes me, my breath visible in the night air. “What happened the night of my accident? I only remember waking up.” Quinn instantly shakes his head, “please I can’t relive it tonight.” My hand cups his jaw and my thumb runs back and forth, a subtle nod. I notice Quinn’s hands rest on my thighs and mimic the same comforting motion as he runs his thumb back and forth. This feels right.

Iris POV:

Much to Quinn’s dismay I have been alone for the past week. He has been on a stretch of away games. Don’t worry his constant worry has still been communicated very strongly. I get multiple messages throughout the day “How are you?, What are you up to? Are you okay? Are you sure?” How does he have time for hockey? I’ve been watching his games at home. It’s getting kind of boring. I have found my routine but prior to the accident I worked as a nurse. I also cannot leave the house without Quinn freaking and calling. We call every morning and FaceTime at night. 

This morning he is coming home. I wanted to come and pick him up from the airport but Quinn was adamant not too, “no no no no It’s okay. I’m fine.” He became really defensive over FaceTime last night. “I’m getting a lift with one of the guys.” Which brings me to now, Quinn is on route and I am making breakfast. 

The door rattles and there is banging near the front door. “Hey” Quinn calls out into the house. “I’m in the kitchen” I shout back as I flip the eggs.  He walks in and dumps his bag near the dining table. “How are you? And what are you up to?” Quinn comes over to investigate my work. I look up, I don’t know what came over me but I learnt over and hugged him. My arm wrapped around his waist as I respond “good, I’m cooking us breakfast before we go out.” We sit down at the table, chatting about his trip and what we need to pick up from the shops today. “Thank you for breakfast” I get flashed with one of Quinn’s contagious smiles. 

We are strapped into the car on our way to the farmers markets as we are out of groceries. Apparently we use to do this fortnightly but haven’t since my accident. Quinn drives, comfortable silence, with the radio playing in the background and Vancouver as a backdrop to our drive. 

“Quinn! Iris! Over here.” Quinn grabs my hand and drags me over to a booth ahead. “Hey Paul. Hey Steph, how are you both?” Quinn takes the lead, and I’m ever so thankful. “Oh you know keeping busy but we are good.” Paul answers glancing at Steph. Steph doesn’t return the look as her gaze is locked to Quinn and myself, almost analysing. “Where have you two been? Not running away from us have you?” Steph asks. “Not at all, we’ve just been busy.” Quinn keeps it vague. “However we have missed your amazing spreads and unfortunately we ran out of a few things this week.” Quinn moves over to the selves and Paul accompanies him with a bag. Leaving Steph and I. “Is everything okay? You two aren’t your normal selves.” Her quizzing gaze returns. “Oh we are good, why?” 

“I don’t know, I can’t put my finger on it, you two aren’t acting like yourselves, normally I hear you and Quinn laugh before I see you in the crowd. Do I need to have a word with Quinn? Is he not makin ya laugh?” She sounded like  a sister, ready to pull the sibling aside and tell them off. “No need we’re all good. It’s been a busy few weeks.” I deliver a tight lipped smile to reinforce my statement, she didn't look convinced. "You know before Quinn met you he barely would speak to Paul or and myself, was always in and out of the market stalls. Then there was a shift in Quinn he seemed to take his time and smile a little more. One weekend he asked Paul what breakfast would impress a girl, it all began to make sense." She giggled and continued to reminisce "Two weeks later we met you and it made so much sense. Who couldn't be happier with you in their life. Before you Quinn kept to himself but I don't know what to say, I have never seen a man smile so much." She nudged my shoulder, my gaze shifts to Quinn handing over some cash and placing all the goods in our bag, a smile etched into his face as he chuckles during conversation.

There has been an unspoken shift between Quinn and I a few days ago. I am not sure what it was, I can't put my finger on a particular moment or reason that cause the shift but I am seeing a different side of Quinn. He is more playful and we have both been more comfortable with each other.

Steph looks at me waiting for more details. Quinn bounces back around to me, with a bag full. “Have we got it all?” I wiggle my brows at him. “Sure do, alrighty you two we have to catch up soon. We’ll have a look at our schedule and send you a message. Your turn to host this time!” Quinn grabs my hand and loops it through his arm, so I’m holding onto his bicep. We walk to the next stall, waving over our shoulders. 

As I’m busy looking at another stall for soap. Quinn is over getting something. I look up to see him chatting with someone and patting a golden retriever, no doubt covering his black pants in blonde hair. He looks around, a crease setting between his brows no doubt. He himself showing his golden retiree side when he cannot locate me. His eyes land on me and he waves his hand, beckoning me over “Iris come over here.” I pay for the soap and head over to Quinn. “I saw this dog and thought you had to meet him.” I LOVE dogs! I crouch on the ground, practically sitting. Whilst this dog licks my face and wags his tail. “What’s your name gorgeous?” I look at the dog waiting for an answer. “Winnie” I get a response not from the dog, damn. “Hey Winnie, you are just gorgeous, don’t you think so Quinn?” I coo. I look up at Quinn and there is that smile I saw the first time I layed eyes on him, his eyes locked onto me. At the hospital after I woke up, I saw that same smile, the one that reaches his eyes, creasing up his temples, highlighting his crookherd teeth, a feeling of… home? 

He grabs my arms and pulls me up, “before you ask, no we can’t take Winnie home.” I look at him with a gasp, I open my mouth about to ask how did you know I was going to ask that. He must be able to read my mind as he says “I know you.” A reminder he knows me but I don’t quite know him.

Quinn said he lined up some of my favourite songs for the drive home. A playlist titled 'Sunshine ☀️ ' is displayed on half of the car play. Soft music playing in the background as my thoughts wander to today. Seeing Quinn interact with others, our friends, dogs makes my heart warm. It’s the little things. My thoughts are interrupted by Quinn grabbing my hand over the gear stick. “Close your eyes.” I don’t know why but I closed my eyes, normally I would ask many questions before I did eventually close my eyes. However as I have discovered these past few weeks my body reacts to Quinn, my body knows Quinn but my brain doesn’t, or more so it’s doing a bad job of telling me who he is. I sit there with my eyes closed, until a shiver runs down my spine. I feel a squeeze to my hand, 1 2 3, and Quinn releases my hand. “You’re okay, open your eyes.” I turn to look at him half knowing what it was. “What was it?” I seek clarity. “Roadkill.” I could never stomach looking at animals dead, anytime I drive and see animal stuck to the road I would have this reaction. “How long have you done that for?” “After the first time I saw you react like that” he responds promptly.

I mean come on how can a girl not fall for this man.  

I turn back to the radio as the one and only Taylor Swift comes on. A small squeal comes out of my throat, as I begin to sway and sing. I turn it up as the guitar strings begin to play Enchanted. I pause my beautiful singing and look at Quinn. “Um Quinn can I ask you a question?” I’m now nervous, begin to fiddle with the green and blue gemstone ring on my hand. “Was that it?" I lightly hit him on the chest, he lets out a laugh, “go for it.” I cast my gaze back down to my dancing hands. “You can say no if you don’t want to.” His eyes flick to me as he stops at the traffic light. “It’s just that these past few weeks I’ve come to learn more about you and I supposed what I’m trying to stay is that I’m glad I’m going through this journey with you.” Quinn nudges my hand, “was there a question in there?” He asks smugly, clearly enjoying my nervous rambling. “Um okay, can I kiss you? Obviously not right now, I mean your driving but” I feel like a school girl on the play equipment asking my crush out. He looks at me that knee wobbling smile returns. He grabs my hand this time, “sure thing sunshine.” 

I mean come on!

I turn my attention back to the drive, the bridge encompasses the car. I begin to singing under my breath “I was enchanted to meet you,” as I squeeze Quinn’s hand three times. The day in the hospital when I was unable to open my eyes, he was always with me, he never left. I don’t know what that means but it felt right to return the gesture.