#cannotescape

Sorry this took me so long but I have SO MANY THOUGHTS and didn’t know where to start so bear with me.

Out of all the girls, Toni’s the one who most frequently and consistently comments on power dynamics. She is clearly acutely aware of her position in society, as a Indigenous girl, and a teenager in foster care, and a lesbian, which puts her in a very unique intersection of race & class & gender & sexuality. And I think the show’s done a good job making sure it informs the way Toni relates to the world in general, and to the other girls on the island.

First, I appreciate that Toni’s awareness isn’t used to make her a one-note “serious angry leftist” character - we all know the archetype. Yeah, she is angry - with good reason! -, but beyond that, it showcases how insightful and smart and perceptive she is. And she also jokes about it - her little quip about “colonizers” taking her takis, or playfully calling Fatin a “one-percenter” - which is so important because that’s! what real people do! 

I also like the way she talks: she uses both very “21st century teenager” language, and leftist vocabulary or concepts, which makes me think that not only is her awareness rooted in her personal experience, she’s done some research about social power structures. Our girl has read some theory! I like to imagine, though I have zero evidence or canon basis for this, that when Martha started bringing Toni home and Bernice Blackburn met this good-hearted, passionate, angry kid, she decided to try and help Toni redirect her energy, channel it if you will, through a proper activist education, through a frame of reference. I want so badly for Toni to have had a mentor!

What does it mean for Toni on the island, though? Mainly that she has a very strong sense of solidarity, of common interest. We see it between Toni and Martha: there is an obvious connivence, like that moment when Fatin disses Martha’s shampoo/conditioner and they exchange an exasperated eye-roll. Or joking together that rescue’s coming because “society will never let [rich white girls] perish”. Martha may not have the same attitude, but she understands Toni’s thought process completely. 

Which brings me to: Shelby. I think more than half of Toni’s comments on race/class power dynamics are directed at Shelby, and come from Toni’s desire to protect Martha from people taking advantage of her. It starts on the plane, then in their first conversation (”your maid Lupe”), up until the scene when Shelby talks about how hard her life is and Toni’s just like... “Hello??? Do you want some perspective, maybe?”. Shelby’s struggle with her identity definitely makes Toni’s perception shift, which is fascinating, but I hope we get more conversations between them about power dynamics, and more of Toni gently teasing Shelby about it all.

Oh God... what have you done... alright long post incoming:

Top 5 most heartbreaking scenes

Episode 9: when Martha cries in her bed, repeating ”he’s a monster” while Toni holds her. 

Episode 6: when Toni tells Shelby she should have saved Martha instead, and cries out “Who cares?? I don’t matter. I don’t fucking matter”.

Episode 9: when Leah breaks down and tells Fatin “I want my mom” and Fatin holds her and cries and says “me too”.

Episode 3: Dot and her dad. You know the one. That scene actually made me cry.

Episode 7: Shelby’s reaction after they spot the plane and think they’re going to be rescued. Chilling.

Top 5 most heartwarming scenes:

Episode 4: Regan and Toni montage! It’s so cute and has perfect first love vibes. Especially the scene where they say “I love you” to each other.

Episode 8: the girls are high and play in the water and my heart is full of love <3

Episode 1: their first campfire scene! They play Never Have I Ever and start bonding. 

Episode 10: Toni and Shelby talk and kiss on the cliff. Special mention to Shelby cupping Toni’s face in her hand.

Episode 8: Leah and Shelby hug in the bunker. Our first reunion, and MAN it felt good.

Top 5 funniest scenes:

Episode 7: everything that happens around the Nora and Rachel fight: Fatin’s commentary, Martha in that outfit with the vodka bottle, Leah trying to help and Nora slapping her hand away, the toothbrush dying which prompts Leah’s iconic line and Fatin punching Dot...

Episode 6: the mussels scene. All of it.

Episode 5: when the girls imitate Fatin :’)

Episode 3: Fatin and Toni’s disastrous interaction, featuring Toni being a grump and Fatin’s famous line: “Are you an aries?”

Top 5 most intense scenes:

Episode 9: Martha kills the goat, and it switches between her island outfit and her dress for the dance. One of the best scenes of the show.

Episode 5: when Rachel gets caught in quicksand, and it takes the whole group, but Martha specifically, to save her.

Episode 6: when Leah breaks down and is sedated against her will. Horrifying. 

Episode 2: Rachel screaming at the top of the mountain when she realizes they’re alone.

Episode 4: when Fatin and Leah fight and Fatin smears her blood on Leah’s face.

Top 5 most annoying moments. I wasn’t sure what you meant by annoying but:

Any scene with Jeff is annoying in the sense that it makes me physically sick and I have to fast-forward

I’m annoyed at a lot of scenes with Gretchen because her experiment simply. doesn’t. make. sense. And there’s only so much suspension of disbelief a show can demand of me.

Episode 5: Rachel throwing the whole book into the fire... honey, no, that’s not how it works.

Episode 6: Leah following Shelby and leaving the bag of meds behind. Oh, sweetie. I know you’re dehydrated and disoriented and suspicious, but what a bad decision.

It’s not a specific scene, but: the girls moving to the cave, and then immediately moving back to the beach felt so pointless.

Top 5 “oh shit” moments:

Episode 2: Rachel’s missing hand. Did not see that coming! 

Episode 10: when Leah appears in the background, bloody and furious and yells “Nora!” and you know shit’s about to go down.

Episode 2: Rachel hitting her head on the plank when she dives. 

Episode 9&10: the Nora reveal and flashbacks. Such a good twist!

Episode 8: Shelbald. 

Of course <3

How I feel about this character

KIDDO. She’s not necessarily a super original character on paper, (growing up  religious and gay, internalized homophobia, coming-out, familial rejection etc) but I do really like this version of it, especially because it’s interesting to have so explicitly intertwined sexuality and gender (Shelby has to perform Perfect Girlhood constantly to win her parents/community’s approval, and that includes Not Being Gay). The whole appearance/teeth/flaw/inner conflict is... delicious food. I also love that there’s a tension in Shelby between genuine desire to do good and take care of people, and this kind of cheerful facade that hides a lot of her anger (at herself, at her parents, at her community, probably at Becca), and sometimes it’s hard to tell which version of Shelby we have. She can definitely be BRUTAL, but she also has a lot of softness in her (the way she takes care of Dot and Leah, especially, is striking). 

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Just Toni, I think. I love this complicated close friendship/crush thing she has with Becca, but I’m not really invested in them romantically. 

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Dot, actually! It’s fascinating how easily they discard their misconceptions about each other. They’re very different people, but they have a sense of solidarity that’s really endearing. And I like that Dot is the first one to know about the dentures, and she gently teases Shelby about it, and she’s the first person Shelby feels comfortable with re:joking around with her dentures. 

My unpopular opinion about this character

Hmm. I wish there had been a bit more nuance when Shelby compares her and Toni’s lives in episode 7. I get what they were going for, but the whole “Your parents are absent and you’re in foster care and there are no expectations put on you therefore you’re FREE which I envy” was... weird, to say the least. I’d like for Shelby to actually listen to what Toni’s life is like next time, and understand exactly the depth of Toni’s feelings when it comes to the childhood she’s had.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

Thanks dear <3

Who digs through the toy bin at thrift stories: Toni. She used to do it as a kid - her mom would take her to the thrift store, and tell her she could choose any one toy from the bin, and little Toni thought this was the absolute height of luxury. She still cherishes those happy memories, and she always buys a toy, which she then donates to a children's shelter, or a local non profit organization.

Who gives better hugs: Shelby! She always holds on tight, and kisses Toni on the forehead, or on top of her hair, and Toni has never felt safer than in Shelby's arms.

Who does absolutely nothing on a day off: honestly, neither? I think they're both pretty active people, and they like having projects together, whether it's a hike, or cooking together, or visiting friends, or simply watching a movie.

Who prefers gold and who prefers silver: Shelby likes gold, Toni prefers silver.

Who looks better in stripes: Toni! She owns a stripped sweater that's slightly too big for her but looks extremely cute on her. Shelby may or may not have a million pictures of Toni in this exact sweater, which Dot thinks is hilarious, and Fatin has tried to use for blackmail purposes.

Who wears “dad hats”: You would THINK it's Toni, but it's actually Shelby... and she doesn't even wear them ironically. AND she looks good in them.

Who excessively quotes shows or movies: Every time Shelby watches a show or movie, she writes down any quote she finds ~inspiring in a little notebook. She now has a quote for every occasion. Toni rolls her eyes a lot every time she has to pause the movie so Shelby can scribble down something in her notebook, but she secretly thinks it's one of the cutest things Shelby does - and she does a LOT of cute things, according to Toni.

Who saves everything because “we could use it for something someday”: They both save everything. Their apartment is a mess.

Who piles on the blankets: Shelby! Miss Texas is a bit sensitive to cold weather.

>:( WHY DO YOU CHOOSE VIOLENCE EVERY DAY

Kidding, thanks dear <3

2- a sad headcanon

Toni spends most of her childhood/teenage years feeling completely invisible, because no adult ever pays attention to her. Not her mom, too busy fighting her own battles. Not the various councilors and foster parents, who aren’t bad people, but just don’t have the time. Nobody asks her about her favorite books, or if she likes dinosaurs or pirates. Nobody comments on her taste in music or clothes. Nobody cares about her crushes on girls, about her coming out. It’s why sometimes acting out gives her such a rush: suddenly she’s visible, suddenly everyone pays attention to her. 

(But then she moves in with the Blackburns and Bernice notices so many things about Toni. Her favorite kind of donuts. The way she drinks her coffee. Her interest in social theory. How broken-hearted she is over Regan. And she makes Toni feel seen, by an adult, for the first time in a very long time.)

(Yeah I know this said sad headcanon but i do what I want!)

6- a headcanon about their family

I like to think her bio father was Maori, to reflect the actress’s own heritage. An exchange sudent in America, he met her mom at a random party and they had a one night stand, after which he flew back home, weeks before she even realized she was pregnant. She tried to find him, but gave up quickly. 

Her mom was young when she had Toni, and wasn’t quite ready for a kid. She had no support system, and was already struggling with addiction. And that means she hasn’t been there for Toni, but it doesn’t mean she doesn’t love Toni? She always remembers Toni’s birthday, and tries to send her something if she has the money and the ability. When Toni was ten, she gave her her jacket, told Toni every time she’d put the jacket on, it’d be like she, her mom, was there with her, hugging her. Toni wears the jacket to this day, despite her resentment. 

11- something [other character] believes about them that’s not true

I think Martha really does believe that Toni is always looking for problems. That she wants to fight, that she thrives on conflict, because it distracts her and gives her an outlet for all her pent-up rage. But it’s not quite true? I think Toni just lives in such a defensive state all the time, she’s so used to distrusting everything and everyone, to seeing threats or obstacles or unfairness everywhere... that she ends up reacting to everything with the same intensity, no matter how innocuous the problem.

14- their worst memory

<3 Thank you for sending me SHE

How I feel about this character

BABY GIRL. BABY. I love Toni so much! I love her flaws, the anger and frustration and defensiveness, her impulsivity. I love that good, good heart of hers, how sweet and genuinely caring and thoughtful she is. I love that she’s truly funny, and a bit cocky, but also smart and observant and so incredibly aware, especially when it comes to power. 

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Shelby and Regan. 

My non-romantic OTP for this character

I mean, Martha, honestly. Best friendship.

My unpopular opinion about this character

I have talked about it at length, but I wish they’d made Toni’s PoV re: the start of her attraction and feelings for Shelby clearer.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

Okay, I almost cheated because it was so hard to choose, then decided against it, but for the record I really want to make a top 5 for each different aspect of the show I enjoyed (so like: top 5 most heartbreaking scenes, top 5 most heartwarming and/or powerful moments, top 5 funniest scenes...) ANYWAY here we go, in no particular order:

- Fatin holding Leah in her arms after Leah ran into the ocean and almost drowned. One of the most emotional moments in the show because it’s the girls at their breaking point, desperately clinging to each other. 

- Toni yelling that she doesn’t matter, and that Shelby should have saved Martha instead. The delivery of these lines haunts me, it’s so raw.

- When they see the plane and they’re all so happy, yelling and hugging each other, and the camera slowly pans all the way to Shelby who is standing completely frozen as she realizes that she doesn’t want to go home. 

- All of them high as fuck playing in the water! They’re so cute and silly and playful, acting like dumb teenagers for the first time in so long, and I love them <3

- The quicksand scene, specifically Martha holding Rachel’s face gently in her hands and telling her to breathe and being the only one who’s able to get past Rachel’s desperate, stubborn inability to accept help.