#caerazhai

the thing about the iconoclast choice in the final marazhai romance scene is that it is 100% not the first time caerus asks marazhai to take the bloodlust out on him instead of on his crew. he has tried it repeatedly and always ends up partaking in feasts despite his pleas. but it IS the first time marazhai ever listens. which is something. something about caerus seeming genuinely serious and desperate, offering himself up on a platter with more determination than ever before, because these are people he knows well and cares about, as opposed to crew members he’s never spoken to and can pretend are inconsequential. it hits marazhai in a way that he will never address<3 marazhai would never be devoted to anyone like that. certainly not to his pet. and the way he looks at caerus in awe and admiration doesn’t mean anything. he’s just fascinated by his little curiosity, he would never have feelings for caerus in the human way he can tell caerus feels about him. he would never admit that the reason he backs down is because he doesn’t want to hurt caerus outside of their arrangement, that it’s reached a point where caerus’s emotional pain makes marazhai conflicted rather than sated, that seeing caerus in misery brings him distress and activates a protective instinct he didn’t know he had that makes him feel like throwing up if he acknowledges it. kicks a rock

the thing is that caerus and marazhai do genuinely have some kind of feelings and affection for each other that have developed through the feasts and sex and rare other time they spend together. it’s just that it could be even More than that if either of them would stop lying about experiencing emotions and running away when their vulnerabilities are exposed. and neither one has any motivation to do that for the other because of how heavily they’re each masking their own weaknesses. so they’re just going go stay like this forever