#cade.

Cade had always been harder to miss. He didn’t know if it was in part because of the change in hair color or choice of attire, or if it was simply the presence that he of all people, commanded. It was comical, almost, being able to watch the crowds part for the prodigal son who never was welcomed home with open arms. The comparison made him chuckle to himself before he would approach the other, a well earned confidence allowing him to welcome himself to his personal space without actually giving too much thought to it.

          It was late. So late that Ripley probably should have just spent the night in their friend’s dorm room rather than trek across campus high and drunk because they’d just want to have a little fun. Now that the Foxes were the only team left in the championships, they didn’t know if they should be celebrating or worried. It was a good thing for the Foxes of course, they deserved a win, but it meant more publicity for the Vixens and considering Ripley was already struggling enough as of late, they didn’t need anyone taking a closer look at their life. They didn’t know if it meant the football cheerleaders would be joining them more often during home games. They had gotten so many looks from the other squad and as much as Ripley was trying to get over not caring about what others thought of them, it was difficult not to care when so many people were watching them. All eyes were on the Foxes now, which meant all eyes were on the Vixens. They couldn’t fuck up again. Ripley was determined to make the Vixens look good. Because as long as the Vixens looked good, then they could prove to their brother and Marshall that they were doing just fine the way they were—even if that was the furthest thing from the truth. 

          After getting back to campus, Ripley had split from the rest of their squad and the Foxes. They had their own things to finish, including a group project they were determined to bug their friends about until it was finished and turned in early. As soon as that was done, then they could celebrate the football team’s loss and the growing success of the Foxes. For a moment, Ripley thought everything was perfect in their life—until they remembered all the bad events that happened recently. Winter break may have been a month prior, but Ripley was still hurt by the events that had happened during them. There was a part of them that wished they could erase the whole break. Since that was impossible, they threw themself at their schoolwork. Avoiding everything became simple when Ripley allowed their mind to focus on one thing and one thing only: academics. They hadn’t even been avoiding Cade, their two schedules just hadn’t lined up a lot recently—which Ripley swore wasn’t on purpose, though a part of it was. The Vixen Den was quiet when Ripley came barging in, clearly disturbing the peace and quiet everyone else was probably enjoying. 

MCKENNA: Hey!

          The banquet had been fun, but now that it was over Ripley couldn’t help feeling thankful. They hadn’t caused any scenes this time, thankfully. And most people hadn’t recognized them from the half time show at the Foxes last game, which was good. It had been a fun night and one of the first formal events Ripley had attended where they hadn’t ended up drunk or high or with the wrong group of people. Thankfully tonight had been relatively easy to navigate and they enjoyed spending time with Piper. As the night went on and the longer they danced, Ripley began realizing that this was one of the first times they weren’t thinking about Cade, who was off having fun with Claudia. Not that Ripley was jealous or anything, they weren’t going to deny Cade’s happiness because of their own broken heart. That was a horrible thing to do. Ripley stayed by Piper for most of the night, playing games, laughing, dancing, and having a good time because they decided they deserved a bit of fun. 

         Ripley hadn’t gotten much sleep over the weekend, much to his dismay. He couldn’t get his brain to settle down enough to actually fall asleep. He had only managed to get a few hours in and knew that classes were going to be a struggle for him this week. His mind was reeling from his Saturday, which would have been all but ruined if it hadn’t been for Noah. A quick casual hang out with a friend always seemed to help him stop thinking long enough to stop being upset about something. Before, he would have drown out his feelings with a bottle of Jack and whatever pills he could find. Not exactly the most healthy coping mechanism. Most of the time, he’d talk to his moms or Pip about his problems, but that was off the table right now. Apparently nothing he said to them was going to make them listen. They’d stopped trying to contact him too. He was exhausted and needed a nap; he was just nervously awaiting a conversation that gave him an uneasy feeling.

         He’d always been that person that didn’t talk about his feelings with people. He thought talking about his problems was stupid because he was stronger than that. The only time he’d ever spoken to something about his problems was when he was forced to in rehab. Even then, he mostly just skirted around problems to avoid talking about them. Even in therapy he hadn’t wanted to break his outer shell of pretending everything was alright. Ripley bit down on the inside of his cheek. He’d skipped his 8 AM class for this, telling his professor that he’d had to deal with a family emergency this weekend and he couldn’t make it back to class on time. It wasn’t a lie--only a half-truth. He was nervous, too nervous to talk to Cade about this. Where was he going to start? What did he want to reveal? He refused to say anything about his addictions. He didn’t want to say anything about that. He didn’t want to be known as the addict. Ripley wanted the Vixens to like him and trust him. He looked over at Cade’s side of the bedroom and bit his lip. Could he allow himself to show his vulnerabilities to a stranger? Even if that stranger was someone he’d been sharing a room with for a while? It didn’t matter, he had to because he had no one else to talk to right now. He couldn’t bring himself to talk to his moms.

@cadxmitchell

Knowing Me, Knowing You - Mamma Mia 2! /  “ This is where the story ends, This is goodbye “ | Totally Fucked - Spring Awakening /  “ Disappear yeah well, you wanna try, Wanna bundle up, into some big ass lie, Long enough for them, To all just quit, Long enough for you, To get out of it “  | The Bro Duet - Jason Gota / “ But that's the day I knew you were mine " | This Is Me - The Greatest Showman / “ And I'm marching on to the beat I drum, I'm not scared to be seen, I make no apologies, this is me “ | Someone Gets Hurt - Mean Girls / “ It's fine for you, It's fine to flirt, It's fine, 'Till someone gets hurt, 'Till someone gets hurt “ | Good for You - Dear Evan Hansen / “ So you found a place where the grass is greener, And you jumped the fence to the other side, Is it good?, Are they giving you a world I could never provide? “ | This is Life - Bandstand / “ If we were singing Hammerstein songs, We could fix all the wrongs in rhyme. But this is life, with a heartache it brings and, We know that these things take time “ | Take Me or Leave Me - Rent / “ Take me for what I am, Who I was meant to be, And if you give a damn, Take me baby, Or leave me “ | Opening Up - Waitress / “ I wouldn't call this place a happy end, But I been 'round the block and just came back again “ | Why Stay? A Promise - Next to Normal / “ Why stay? Why not simply give in and get on with living cause everyone knows you tried but somehow, something died on the way, So tell me why you stay “ | Lifeboat - Heathers / “ I float in a boat, In a raging black ocean, Low in the water, With no where to go, The tiniest lifeboat, With people I know “ | I’d Rather Be Me - Mean Girls / “ I don't need their good opinions, I have plenty of opinions, Everybody has opinions but it doesn't make them true, What's true is being me, And I'd rather be me, I'd rather be me than be with you “