(OT4 warning - Deadpool/Spidey/Cable/Vanessa. This scene is mainly Spideypool + SpideyCablePool)
Spider-Man: Wade! Why are you showing me these images?! Deadpool: Oh crap! No! Don't look! You weren't meant to see that! Spider-Man: So when you said you wanted me... Deadpool: I want you! Both of you! And Ness too. I just want all my favorite people. You know, in the sex way. And in the heart way. But I think only Ness wants me back, with this shar-pei face, so maybe you shouldn't be seeing this anyway. Spider-Man: ... Deadpool: Shh. Turn around and slowly walk away Spider-Man: ... Deadpool: Hate to see you go, but love to watch you leave. Spider-Man: You are an idiot, Wade. Deadpool: Shoo, shoo. Leave me alone in my brain pan of hopes and dreams. Cover your eyes! Don't look at the ones with you in them. Or, you know, look. If you want. If it turns you on, come back and tell me. Otherwise, leave my Big Puppy Feelings alone. Spider-Man: Wade! Shut up for a minute! Deadpool: You know I can't do that. Spider-Man: Tell me why you want him. Deadpool: Who? Spider-Man: The guy in your dreams. Cable? Deadpool: (gasp) You want to hear about his big muscles? Spider-Man: (sigh) Tell me why you want him. Deadpool: Aside from he's bigger than me, and definitely bigger than you? His thighs twice as big as mine? You said MY thighs are thick. Look at these pics! See how big HE is? Do you know how big his c*ck is? Spider-Man: Um... Should you be telling me about his...? Deadpool: He's such a daddy, Spidey. I like being a daddy, but sometimes I like being a boy too. Cable definitely gives off the daddy vibes. Big time. See him? See that stern face? He'd bend YOU over his lap and give you a good spanking. With his big hands. He'd redden your cheeks and-- Spider-Man: Oh god, WADE! I didn't ask for THAT much detail! Deadpool: Well, forgive me if I dream about you and him sometimes. You're such a small spider next to him. Think about how much smaller your c-- Uh. Your... coccyx? Your cockatoo? Your-- Spider-Man: (red-faced under his mask) Stop. You're making it worse. Deadpool: You'd like him. He's the heroic type. But his methods are... hmm. Like mine. Okay, maybe you might not fall in love with him immediately, but-- Spider-Man: We've met. Deadpool: So you've seen his bulge! Spider-Man: (facepalms) Just let me think about this for a second. Or a few days. Or a few weeks. Deadpool: It's his bulge, isn't it? Spider-Man: NO! Deadpool: He's proportional. (cupping hand movements) Big heavy sack like Santa's-- Spider-Man: Oh god, stop! Deadpool: I think one of his balls is metal. Spider-Man: (groans) Deadpool: Even if neither of you wants me, if you'd just give him a chance, I can die happy. Spider-Man: You don't stay dead. Deadpool: Ah well, such is life. And such is the state of my balls. Constantly blue. I should add a couple blue splotches to my suit. Really hammer in the point. But they should be velcro'd on so they don't ruin the serious look. But if you want to see my blue balls, Spidey, they're here, big and-- Spider-Man: And I'm gone. Goodbye! Deadpool: (waves tissue) Bye Spidey! Think long and hard about our mutual friend! Big thighs! Big, heavy c-- Spider-Man: BYE!
