#c4st0ut

It really does hurt. Like how i miss you so much and you most likely don't even think about me. Like the realisation, actually kills, and i feel that exact feeling i did when you first left, and i re-live that feeling so much that i'm getting used to it. i wish things were different, i dont know what i did, but i have to blame myself for you leaving, its obviously me. im so sorry i couldnt be a better friend, something you wanted, and needed. And you know the worst part? The most annoying thing? I still care, but even worse than that, i always will.

I actually make my life harder. Going out and trying to smile and be happy, is a very hard thing to do. People ask me how i am, and i dont go into detail on what im feeling 'yeah im good thanks' they always seem to believe it? I laugh and people generally think i am a happy person. But behind that smile, behind my eyes, is a girl who cries everynight. A girl who is trying to escape the evils of cutting. A girl who is doing everything not to kill herself. But no, people dont see this..I wouldnt want them to know this. But then..who is going to stop me?

like im seriously freaking out i posted a picture of my self harm like a month ago and i keep getting the 'so and so reblogged your photo' and i click on it and im like triggered as hell its such a bad memory :( gonna be using my new tumblr

i can do this...i can..i will..and i will get better. i want to look back and know i made it through..i have barely any fight in me left, but i think im going to make one big leap and just..go for it, with everything i have.