Memory is the beginning of romance; it's at the root of the feeling. p137
I finally finished the book. I took my time and I'm happy I did. I really took time to sit with Anna's letters. Best of all, I think I was motivated to take public transportation to work just so I can build in reading time. Today, especially. Knowing that I was so close to the end, I couldn't put it down. I even took the book with me on the roof for my cigarette break. There was this joy of completion and excitement to reread the letters. I have this strange urge to catalog the letters according to what is most relevant to my current experiences and urgencies.
This brings me to Sense Memory. In this letter, Anna talks about the importance of memory. She writes, "Memory is an essential substance for us, as artists. Memory is the beginning of romance; it's at the root of the feeling." That really inspired me this past weekend when I had the daunting task of revising my script for my solo show, Mommy Queerest. I was so intimidated by having to go back into the script and revise. I created a mental block by imagining that it would be a painful process. I procrastinated and missed out on one of the nicest weekends in San Francisco this year. I stayed indoors and duked it out with my script.
I knew I needed to really organize my work. I had to print out my homework assignments, organize the script in order of how I preferred to revise it. I laid my script out on my bed, with my laptop, a note pad, and a pen. I played music. I set myself up and prepared myself physically, emotionally, and creatively. To my surprise, once I dove into it, it became a very joyful process. I had fun, and better yet, I feel like the script is more funny. Later that evening, my co-writer, John Caldon and I met so we can share our writing assignments. I read through the entire revision which ended up being about 20 pages. Not bad. We had a 4 week deadline for ourselves, and considering the challenges we experienced the last 4 week, I'm really glad we followed through on our commitment to the work. There were a lot of deaths this past month.
I wish I could tell you what the new changes are to the show, but where's the suspense in that? I'm feeling great about the work. I am rediscovering my story and finding a new way to tell it that will push me to elevate my craft as a performer. Now that it's been nearly 3 years that I've been working on this project, I feel that I have that necessary distance to look at the work more critically. I'm able to experience my memories in a different way than I have before. It's opening my heart.
In this letter Anna shares her favorite quotation that says "gets to the why" she has chosen to be an artist:
A man's work is nothing but this slow trek to rediscover, through the detours of art, those two or three simple images in whose presence his heart first opens. -Abert Camus
The photograph at the top is of me and my mother, Elisa Evasco. Even though Mommy Queerest talks about some of our lives' biggest challenges, this work is really my way of honoring my mother.
The photograph below is my set up this past weekend. My laptop screensaver is a picture of a very important friend and mentor that passed away 2 years ago, Eric Ivan Fructuoso. I bring him with me everywhere. He's a big reason why I became an artist. This work is also to honor him.
