#bye*

a couple years ago i started trying to make myself as friendly and open as possible. ive always had music playing in my ears throughout school but i started listening to happier songs and just kinda let myself chill out. i wore more skirts and spun around in the hallways and bounced when i walked and took pictures of flowers even when i knew people were looking at me. and i tried more makeup and i showed people my art and the things i make and i was open. and friendly. and happy. i spoke to my teachers more and i told the guy i sat next to his shoes were cool and he said thank you. and i realized i could have been doing this the entire time. instead of walking around sad and bitter and hoping someone would tap on my shoulder and ask if im alright. instead of pushing everyone away and playing my emo middle schooler music louderm. i could've been nicer. i could've been spinning and bouncing through the hallways this entire time. (even if sometimes it was hard. even if sometimes i was failing every class and home wasnt good i still smiled at the lady in the office and noticed how blue the sky was when i went outside). i could've been better but i wasnt. i was too angry and sad and taking it out on everyone around me even when they did nothing wrong. and i try to make up for those lost first impressions and pushed away friends by doing everything i can to be happy and friendly and open and smiling. by looking at flowers and the sky and peoples faces and telling people they look nice and falling in love wirh everything around me and i dont really know where im going with this but if youve read this far be kind to urself and try to be nicer because it will make you and everyone around you happier. and spin in skirts more. its important

help me my mom is shipping me with some random chinese man whom i helped buying tickets