#butchluser answer

Frida / 25 / she-he-they (any tbh) / genderfluid butch lesbian :P

BYF - Mainly a butchfemme account, post and repost butchfemme content and engage with butchfemme tumblr. I WILL POST AND REPOST NSFW. Also this blog is a side blog but my main is @dumbasslesbi. Besides that I'm a chicana vers switch (dom/top leaning), butch4femme, and I'm single and monogamous :)

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I'mma be real, I just read fanfics and look at hentai 💀

So I have somewhat of a weird question I guess? I’m currently in my very first wlw relationship, very first relationship at all for that matter.

We’ve been together for nearly two years now, and just this summer we moved in together (in a rental). Since the start of the relationship, I’ve been offering up a lot of my time to travel so I could see her. Canceled plans after plans just to be able to see her for a few hours, pretty much what you do when your head over heels, especially in the beginning.

Now that it’s nearing the two years mark, I’m still the one that always has to cancel plans or activities because of her work schedule. If I have volleyball practice in the afternoon, but she’s taken yet another extra night shift? Then I have to cancel practice, or I won’t get to see her.

I’ve tried talking to her about this.. tried to tell her that I can’t keep on constantly having to cancel my days, just to fit her schedule, especially when it’s something that she never does. The conversation didn’t go too well, she didn’t really hear what I was trying to say, only shut me down and got quiet for the rest of the night.

That’s something as well, if something doesn’t sit well with her, or if there’s something bothering her.. she just goes completely quiet and cold. And if you push to try and get her to communicate, she snaps, gets angry and storms off. Leaving me to believe that I’ve done something horribly wrong, when in fact I haven’t done anything at all.

We had a little discussion about this one night, we were staying at her friends house. Her friend also brought this up, and my gf got super angry and refused to listen to her friend talk. The second her friend left the room, she turned to me and told me to “shut the hell up” and kept on telling me how this was all “stupid” “meaningless” “ridiculous” and “irrelevant”. I was sitting next to her and leaned a little closer, asking her why she was so angry when her friend was telling her she was worried about her, and well.. she slammed her open hand into my face, pretty hard, and then physically pushed me back. Now I was sitting down, so it’s not like I fell to the floor, but still.. it hurt both mentally and physically. When her friend came back into the room, she got pisse doff again and stormed off.

The next morning when we woke up, still not having talked to each other since she stormed off, she ignored me, and was ice cold. Only saying “let’s go..” and nothing else. The drive back home was incredibly uncomfortable and deadly quiet as well. When we came home, she proceeded to go straight to our room, refusing again to talk. I followed her and told her that “I don’t care if you don’t feel like talking right now.. you’ve been quiet for over 12 hours.. talk!” She got upset and angry again, told me she didn’t have anything to talk about and went into bed.

I stood there in shock and just said, “well then Mets talk about how you hit me yesterday and then pushed me away..” and she rolled her eyes and just said, “I didn’t hit you.. I just pushed you away from me because I was mad..” and then she turned her back to me. So I followed again and said, “no you hit me, and pushed me away, physically, but you’ve been pushing me away for a long time now by being quiet when lever things get to be to much for you.. and I’m done. You need to talk to me, or else I’m done for good..” and she stayed quiet for a bit, and the she started talking a little.

We talked things out, but I’m still hurt and shocked that she actually slammed her open hand into my face like that. What’s more unsettling I think, is the fact that she never really apologized for it. I had to drag a half assed apology out of her, and it came with an excuse as to why she did it, like that made it okay?

She says she’s under a lot of stress because of work.. but she’s been under a lot of stress since the day we met, and it just doesn’t seem to ease up.

I’m sorry for the very long text!🩷

I guess I just don’t know what to do? I love her, so much so that it hurts, but I also look at her now and feel.. I don’t know exactly, a little lost maybe? I feel like I’ve lost some sense of respect for her? I look at her sometimes and I question if I wanna get engaged or have kids with her. And I feel like if I’m questioning these things, that I used to be so sure of.. then maybe I already have my answer?

I’m sorry to bother you with all this, I just needed to tell someone that doesn’t know me or her, that can just give an honest answer without the bias of knowing us.

But you don’t have to answer if you think it’s uncomfortable🩷

Hi so sorry about the late reply, been super busy with school and stuff.