#but finally!

✧ — 🍃 — ✧

leaving you was easily the worst mistake xiao has ever made

which is saying something considering his age and the amount of suffering he's endured during that time

xiao is tormented by the way you called his name so desperately when he left you that day

perhaps his subconscious is making it out to be worse than it actually was, but the memory remains fresh and painful

not once in his life after being saved by morax did he ever run from anything.

xiao swore to rex lapis that he would serve him through thick and thin, and that meant toughing out any storm that came his way

but there was no way he could have weathered out the storm that was you.

you were overwhelming to xiao; your features were too bright, too kind, too... good for him. and yet you were supposed to be his soulmate?

xiao knows his pride needs some work. he's proud of what he's accomplished for liyue and what he's capable of, but he's not proud of himself as an individual -- not proud of the lives he's ended prematurely, the screams he's ripped from innocent mouths

he's accomplished so much by being a monster, so he believes a soulmate for someone like him is completely out of the question; it's unthinkable. you are unthinkable.

and yet here he is, standing atop a roof in the finally silent harbor overlooking the sea.

xiao doesn't know why he's here. he's been battling with returning to the harbor for almost two months after the incident down by the docks. according to ganyu, the fishermen thought they'd incurred the wrath of the adepti, so she had spent quite some time trying to reassure them that they were not going to be torn apart by the adepti for harming such a creature. she also tried to ask xiao for the details of the situation, but he'd left before she could finish her question.

he avoided the harbor for so long not because of the way the people may fear him, but because he doesn't want to risk looking you in the face. not after what he did. xiao doesn't sleep much -- not after what happened with his old master. but the night after he ran from you (he grits his teeth as he admits to himself that he did, in fact, flee from you), he had a dream.

it was you. just you. you were sitting on a rock in the middle of the water, your body illuminated by the moon and your face warmed by a smile. it took him a few seconds to realize that it was directed at him.

"you are made for me, alatus," you sang to him. your voice coats his body and sweetens his tongue. "and i for you."

and xiao, in all his bloodstained glory, falls for you.

but the bliss didn't last long. the euphoria of a love once thought impossible was ripped away from him right before his eyes. the yaksha had to watch as the hands of the damned -- of those he personally struck down grabbed at you and tore you apart, ripping you away from him.

he doesn't deserve this -- you. he will suffer for the rest of his life alone as punishment for his sins.

the yaksha balls his hand into a fist at his side. as a devourer of dreams, he should have made use of his ability to take care of that himself, but he already learned that lesson. consuming his own dreams would result in a seemingly never-ending spiral of waking nightmares -- as if his very existence wasn't hellish enough. with no one around anymore to ground him from his bouts of agony, he had to keep himself in check day in and day out.

a foolish, naïve part of xiao that he once thought destroyed had been unearthed by you. it's faint and small; a mere speck of light in the darkness that consumes his every waking moment, and yet it burns bright enough to blind him. when xiao recalls the nightmare he had of you, that innocence in him has the audacity to wonder:

would you be able to fix him?

xiao knows it's impossible to remedy any of his issues as they are now. he's been around for millenia; everything has long since rotted over. nothing could possibly be enough to make him feel reprieve for no longer than a short moment. even so, he can't ignore the part of him that retains just a sliver of hope. because if you were telling the truth and you were actually his soulmate, then that would mean you were destined to help him in some way, no?

the same way he healed your physical wounds, could you somehow.. for him..?

"to think i've fallen so low." he grumbles to himself. he can't believe he, one of the most highly-ranked of the adepti, is considering throwing all of his problems on you. what would you even say if he asked you something like this?

xiao clicks his tongue and teleports to the rocks where he first met you on a whim. fortunately for him, you're nowhere to be seen. he seats himself in the same spot where you'd kissed him a few months ago. thinking of you isn't as difficult as he makes it out to be, but he does have trouble trying to piece together a hypothetical situation in which he would confide in you.

the kiss you shared (or rather, that you gave) was far from intimate, courtesy of xiao. the yaksha glares at the water below. kissing was something done between lovers, and you two were far from that. but if you were to truly accept him, would you kiss him again? would you even want to see his face again? you seemed so shocked by it that xiao thought he'd scared you for a while. all these questions and more swarm his mind as he stares at the rock he first saw you on, but there's only one that makes him curse lowly:

do you hate him?

"you came back."

an all too familiar voice breaks xiao from his reverie. he glances to the side and sees you looking at him from the water. your opal eyes are wide and fixed on him, making him feel the need to leave. "you really returned. i thought..." you frown solemnly. "i thought i would never see you again."

"is my presence so strange to you?" xiao's reply is sharper than he intended. he's at war with himself as he stares at you, part of him dying to put the mask back on while another wishes to run and hide again. "what made you think i was never going to return?" xiao regrets asking the second the question comes out of his mouth. he knows why. but then that would mean--

"i came back." you confirm his thoughts. "i... waited for you. for weeks, i-i thought you would come back, so i sat and sang for you, but..."

you didn't come goes unsaid. xiao inhales sharply at your expression. you're no longer looking at him, but there's not a hint of resentment on your face. you look heartbroken, but it doesn't seem like you blame him. why? why aren't you blaming him?

"i don't come to the harbor if i don't have a reason to." xiao doesn't know why he's telling you this. he doesn't know why he's still here, for crying out loud. "i protect it from afar. that is all."

there's a flicker of hope in your eyes. you vault yourself onto the rocks not far from him and xiao has to force himself not to stare. your scales look as though they're made of precious stones glimmering in the moonlight overhead. "then did you return to see me?" you ask. you sound so optimistic that it almost hurts.

xiao's eyebrows twitch. he turns his head away from you. "i told you that i return when i think it is necessary. you are not a necessity." he clenches his jaw; for some reason, he feels like he just lied.

he can't see it, but the hope drains from your face and a bitter smile replaces it. "...i see. forgive my hasty assumption. may i ask why you are here then?"

"what?"

"if you are protecting the harbor," you ask innocently, "then why are you here after the city has gone to sleep? you are away from all the humans, so i... was curious why you were here."

honestly, xiao has no idea why he's here. was he here to relive a memory? why would he need to relive it when it constantly replays on its own? he's silent for a moment as he tries to come up with an excuse. saying that he was here to see you didn't feel like much of the truth either. "don't you still owe me answers?" is all he can come up with.

he's not unjustified in asking -- you both know that. you did explain a little bit of your connection a few months ago, but since xiao left, most of his knowledge about you was pure guesswork. he turns his eyes back to you and sees you rubbing your arm nervously.

"where would you like me to begin?" you ask after a while.

were you seriously going to answer him this time? would he finally have some peace of mind? "why are you so willing to give me closure now?"

you wince. "'closure', you say..." your opal eyes are on him again, sending a shiver down his spine. "if i am being honest, alatus, i want to spend as much time with you as possible. if giving you the answers you want is the only way to achieve that goal, then i am more than willing."

you're desperate, xiao realizes. his absence may have affected you just as much, if not more so, than him. you were the one who was physically affected by the kiss -- maybe whatever bond you shared was stronger on your end than it was his. if that was the case, then xiao immediately knew what topic to avoid.

"you said before that your people were grateful to me. why?" xiao tries to list the questions in his head one by one. he doesn't realize until you make a quiet crooning noise under your breath that organizing his thoughts was a lot harder than usual.

"fairly recently, osial had been revived and subdued." you explain, your eyes drifting to the water. you flick your tail upwards, giving xiao a glimpse of the fin at the end. it's just as opaline as the rest of you. "we... my people, we have a rather long history with that monster. it was once--" you clamp your mouth shut suddenly.

xiao grunts. "talk. i won't stay if you remain tight-lipped." again, regret starts to pool when he sees you start to look panicked. he starts to take back his words, but you beat him to the punch.

"osial... created us." you admit. xiao's eyes blow wide and you cringe. "it is not something we take pride in. even though we were osial's creations, we worshipped the benevolent morax, powerful and intimidating as he may have been." your hand slowly rises to your neck and you wrap your fingers around your neck, revealing the webbing between them. "osial punished us for our insubordination for several millennia, even after his apparent demise. when he was revived, we..."

you trail off and tighten your grip around your neck. xiao is at your side in an instant, closing his hand over your wrist. it looked like you were about to choke yourself for speaking about the fallen god. "let go." he orders. something crosses his mind, then. "or is this something that osial did to your people?"

you nod shakily. thankfully, you let go of your neck after a few tense seconds and turned your eyes to your hand in xiao's grasp. something fond crosses your face and you make no move to free yourself. "we are cursed to remove our vocal cords if we speak of him with contempt." you explain. morbid as your words may be, your soft expression doesn't change. "thank you for stopping me, alatus."

the yaksha lets go of you. "you still haven't explained why your people are grateful to me."

"before his revival," you breathe, your gaze still fixed on where xiao had touched you, "in a time before my own, there are stories that tell of the adeptus who subdued the demons that tormented my people."

there's a dull throb of pain behind xiao's eyes. he can't remember anything. or at least, he doesn't want to remember it. he shuts his eyes for a second. "is that so?" he mutters. there are more pressing questions than this, really; xiao doesn't pay much attention to the things he does these days, anyways. he shifts topics for his own good. "tell me about your people. what are you?"

you look past xiao briefly and he feels the tiniest shiver shoot down his spine. he's well-aware of the many names given to him by adepti and mortals alike -- one of which mentions him having golden wings. that truly was a time before you; xiao himself has little memory of that time due to the horrors that occurred shortly after. the name "golden-winged king" was quickly lost to time, and xiao believes it to be reasonable. there is nothing about him now that is deserving of such a gilded title. he's glad he doesn't yearn for a time of peace which he can never have again, but now that you're bringing it up and telling him how important he is, he finds himself unconsciously sifting through his memories for something that would have connected him to you and your people.

there's a dull throb of pain behind xiao's eyes. he can't remember anything. or at least, he doesn't want to remember it. he shuts his eyes for a second. "is that so?" he mutters. there are more pressing questions than this, really; xiao doesn't pay much attention to the things he does these days, anyways. he shifts topics for his own good. "tell me about your people. what are you?"

“sirens”. that’s what humans call your species, according to you.

you actually laugh, much to xiao’s surprise; you seem to really like the name

the entire time, xiao struggles to understand why he’s so taken by the sound of your voice, the way you seem to fumble with his language, yet try to speak it anyways

as soon as you’re done, he asks about your soul bond

because as much as he hates to admit it, it’s starting to make sense to him

there’s something -- something he can’t explain. whatever it is, it’s coming to terms with this whole “soulmate” deal

but rather than explain with words, you straighten your back and...

and from your lips flows the most bewitching song xiao has ever heard.

it's hypnotic, the way the waves seem to rhythmically lap at your tail once your melody begins. everything surrounding you has turned its attention to you, but you pay it no mind. your eyes are closed, your lashes are brushing over your cheeks, and there is nothing else in this world but you and xiao.

perhaps he wasn't paying close enough attention when he'd heard you sing the first time. your song sounds familiar, yet so different. there's still no lyrics, but when you open your eyes to meet his own, he can hear the words loud and clear — the very same words he'd been hearing in his dreams.

xiao fully understands you and the connection he has to you. somehow, you managed to convey something to him in your song. he couldn't verbalize it even if he tried, but he gets it now: you're made to complete him.

it overwhelms him in an instant. "enough," xiao rasps, his voice foreign to his ears. you obey and reach towards him with concern, but he dodges your touch with a grunt. "i said enough." the words come and go from his mind as his world finally settles. he struggles to say anything for a while because it's not that he doesn't understand anymore -- it's that he does.

his soul, tattered and worn as it may be, has finally found its other half.

"i waited so long for you." you finally speak after a brief silence. "before we met, i... it’s tradition for my people to prepare their young for the day they meet their soul matches. but i… i never experienced any of it." you pause and give xiao a solemn smile. "i'm the last of my generation to find mine. you've hidden yourself quite well, alatus."

xiao regards you carefully, his mouth dry as the words "forgive me" tumble past his lips without his consent. he doesn’t know how to atone for making you wait for him for so long -- he doesn’t even think it possible at this point. but what he does know is that he can deny this all he wants -- he can have as many doubts as there are stars in the sky -- but the truth is before him, plain as day.

“oh, i didn’t tell you that to make you feel sorry!” you shake your head quickly. “it’s just that… well, now that i’ve found you, there’s so much i wish i could tell you.” before xiao can ask what you mean, you look over your shoulder and flinch. your actions are reminiscent of the first time the two of you met, and it makes something claw away at his insides, leaving him feeling raw and exposed. when you turn back to face him, the answer makes his breath catch.

“you’re going to leave.” xiao frowns at how strained he sounds. 

you smile apologetically. “yes, i am.” you do your best to scoot yourself closer to him, and he has to ball his hand into a fist to keep from latching on to you. you raise a hand and brush his jaw lightly at first, then fully cup it when he doesn’t refuse you. “will you meet me again, alatus?” you pause, uncertain. then, “please..?”

xiao doesn’t hesitate. he can’t. he nods briskly.

your fin-like ears twitch with delight. “then i’ll see you again soon.” 

"you--"

"may i kiss you?" 

"what?"

xiao blinks, stunned. you want to do what? why? he reaches up to grab your wrist gently. is that why you were holding him like this? xiao opens his mouth to say no, but finds that the word won't come to him. you're playing on his restraint just by being in front of him, and he doesn't know if that's good or bad. you start to pull away, but he tightens his hold on you. don’t go. "are kisses important to your people as well?" 

"i--" you fluster for a moment. "no. i just… would like to kiss you. i believe humans call this a parting gift.”

“a parting gift.” xiao deadpans. you turn your head away from him, clearly embarrassed by your actions, but seeing as how you’re stuck, you hold your ground and face him once more. there’s a glimmer of determination in your crystal eyes and xiao can tell that the battle has been decided. 

the dust settles, the rubble clears, and you’re leaning closer. “stop me if you wish.” you whisper. you two are close enough to share the same breath. xiao holds his. he lets you inch closer -- so close that your lips are brushing. your eyes finally slip closed, and without thinking, xiao does the same. this time, you kiss him and he lets you; he kisses back hesitantly and you accept him all the same. you taste…

you pull away before he can complete his thoughts. in a hurry, he asks: “will you come back?” 

your answering grin is all the answer he needs and on his next blink, you’re gone; you vault yourself into the waters below and speed away from him and the harbor, leaving tiny bubbles in your wake. and as monumental a moment this is for him -- as important as it is that he has a soulmate that he’s accepted as a part of his life -- xiao can only think one thing. he presses his fingers to his lips and straightens his back as he prepares to leave.

...you taste like a sweet dream.

✧ and here it is! finally!