okay so, i'm here.
what's going on?
am i doing standup? am i writing?
not fucking really.
am i on twitter seeing people constantly post about all the amazing jobs in comedy and writing they've obtained?
of course.
are some of them more talented than me?
yes.
are some of them not?
sure, who gives a fuck.
i don't really work that hard for anything lately. i'm happy to fuck the hell out of my girlfriend and buy her dinner and sleep next to her and say that i miss her when she's not around. i love her and that's pretty fucking wild and i think i do feel happy lately due to the precise cocktail of
anti-depressant and
booze
and
weed.
but i don't know. can i blame the pandemic anymore? do i actually have the tenacity to get my writing out there? do i even need to get it out there?
can't i just do some poems and writing and songs and be happy with that? a little standup on the side? some acting gigs here and there?
i'm ready to get things moving on this life of mine.
i don't know why but
even though i'm so dang happy with the person i'm with i still keep thinking
this isn't forever
i don't love her like i should love someone that would be longer term
i don't know i love her i just
wouldn't move in with her and
wouldn't marry her?
but that doesn't feel like it's a good enough reason to not carry on.
that's not a good reason to stop enjoying life
to stop breathing and tasting and fucking and typing, even if you aren't typing anythign good.
i know friends like meeee i know life is kkkkkk
okay so taht's all for now. therapy, yada yada yada.
my family is aging and i feel disconnected from them and not necessarily connected to or interseted in anything else so.
okay yeah bye
