#buhaypanda

GOOD NEWS: Dumating ako sa office ng 745am. Sakto sa live program namin ng 8 to 9 am.

BAD NEWS: Nung paakyat na ko sa studio, may nagsabi sa akin na wala daw live.

Tangina, wrong timing yung bulutong ko. Di man lang kita nakita bago ka umalis. Di man lang tayo nakanood ng If I Stay. Di man lang tayo nakapagkaraoeke for the last time. Di ko man lang nasabing gusto ko ng sapatos(size 9 ako) pagbalik mong Japan. Di mo man lang nakwento sakin kung nakamoveon ka na. Di mo man lang nasabi sakin yung mga bagong kaganapan sa buhay mo. 

Hoy ate, alam kong di ako yung pinakasweet na kapatid, di rin ako yung tipong makakatulong sayo pag may fashion problem ka, pero lagi lang naman akong nandito, pag may problema ka, makikinig ako (well, depende sa wifi sa LB)

Naalala mo nung sinabi kong di kita mamimiss pag pumunta ka ng Japan, uy joke lang yun. Parang yung isang line lang sa kanta ng Kamikazee "Sinabi ko hindi kita mamimiss, hanggang kailan ito matitiis"..

Oo nga pala, maghanap ka na ng bagong boylet dyan sa Japan, yung mayaman, gwapo, at worth it na ha. Wag kang tanga dyan sa Japan. Ilang beses ka nang nagpakagaga dito sa Pilipinas, wag mo nang dalhin yan dyan.

Karaoke tayo pagbalik mo ha?

Dapat susulatan kita e. Kaso baka mahawaan ka pa, kaya dito nalang sa tumblr.

Let me set this story straight. I am not a spoiled bratty kid that owns a tumblr to tell everyone I am cool. I am not an angsty kid that thinks I am alone in this world and it will always end like that. I am a second born child of my parents and orphaned by my mom. I am not the favorite. I am the middle child.

I have read mostly everything about being a middle born kid and how it affects a person, and most of it is correct. I was not showered with attention, nor love, nor care. I was brought up thinking I am alone in this house and that it will always be like that. Yet, I chose to use this as an advantage. I thought of a way out of that.

I made friends with almost everyone I could meet. I socialized, learned it's rules and loopholes. I found a way to distract myself at how alone I can be in this house.

Yet somehow, days like this will come. When you suddenly felt left alone, judged and criticized. I know I am not as smart as my sister and I know that I am not as caring or loving as the other one. But you never really saw me. You never really did. And I never cared. 

Until this day.

I am sorry I failed your expectations. I'm sorry I was not smart enough to beat Jerson and be the valedictorian you all thought I would be. I'm sorry I was "only" admitted to UPLB. I am sorry if I failed to impress you.

I was shocked at how a simple mistake of calling names can change so much about the whole identity of mine. That missing “A” meant a lot to me. Without that “a” at the end of my name, I am a completely different person. Without that simple thing, I am not me.

Riding the bus home, I lingered on that thought. How a simple mistake can change everything, how a single step can make you regret living this life, how a missing part of the truth blind someone so much-so much that that person would question his existence…

"saya nung tsamu, nakakatuwa ka kasi madaldal ka"

"nakakatuwa ka kasi madaldal ka"

"madaldal ka"

"madaldal"

Pero paano kung pinakawalan mo ang bagay na ito? Tanga ka bang maituturing dahil nawala mo ang nag-iisang bagay na nagpapasaya sayo. Masasabi ba nilang wala kang kwenta sapagkat hinayaan mong makawala ito sa iyong piling. May tao bang makakapaghusga sa'yo sa pagsuko sa paglalaban sa bagay na ito.