#buggauntlet

We learned and experienced much today. Bear with me for this mess.

We will start with the early tranquil part of the day and share with you what we learned about transportation and temples.

Tuktuk drivers will offer you big ridiculous trips around to all of the major tourist spots for dirt cheap. The reason for this is because at the end they will take you to a tailor who pays them with petrol cards if they can deliver people to them who will entertain the thought of buying a suit. It’s basically the Thai equivalent of going to aspen for a weekend if you go to a seminar on timeshares. It’s a great deal if you’re then willing to be cornered by a salesman and pushed to give them money. Best avoided.

They also seem to have a script for the day pushing a particular destination and price.

We were after temples today so we walked instead. We used our favourite alley shortcut which looks like a sure fire way to get robbed and murdered. Another white tourist followed us and laughed nervously the whole time. Us being there was enough to convince him to keep going but I’m sure the sound of severe beatings coming from the near by Muay Thai gym did nothing to calm his mind as he walked behind in the dingy alley.

Now the important bit. The temples. We went to Wat Pho, south of the Grand Palace. It was gorgeous. Home of the Reclining Buddha. The architecture and sculptures are well worth the 100 baht entry.

That said, white people in there were making us all look bad by acting like entitled assholes so we put together this list of rules and recommendations for visiting temples in Thailand based on local custom and signage.

No PDA - pretty simple one here No smoking - don’t be an asshole You must be barefoot in worship rooms Don’t point your toes at the Buddha or monks when kneeling No photos of monks or people praying Be respectful when taking photos in general Back away from Buddha when leaving. Don’t turn your back Step over the threshold to a room, not on it Do not bother monks unless spoken to first

Clothing rules:

Cover your shoulders No Flipflops. Wear shoes that cover your toes or at minimum sandals that have a strap behind your ankles No flashy clothing or belly shirts Long pants or dress that covers your knees No hats in the worship rooms

There you go.

After we left the temple, we went to grab lunch. Maggie picked a restaurant that somehow sounded like early 90s Alberta. The musical selections featured Achy Breaky Heart, Puff the Magic Dragon, Tie a Yellow Ribbon, Country Roads and, the real pinnacle, Rhinestone Cowboy. Where in the actual fuck are we right now?

Our evening can be summed up simply. Chinatown sucks balls. It was a solid crowd of people going in no discernible direction. All you could smell and breathe was car exhaust and probably excrement.

After quickly losing patience with that, we sought out a rooftop restaurant. Got all the way up to their floor and were told they were closed for a private function. Well fuck you very much.

We mercifully escaped Chinatown shortly after by boat and that’s where the evening took an entertaining turn.

The path to the dock was lined with lights that had innumerable bugs flying around them. Maggie and I kept to the walls to avoid it but this tall old Frenchman walked headlong into two consecutive walls of hovering bugs. The sound that came out of him was magic. My best attempt at typing it out would be “BWAAAAH OOOOH HOOOO HOOO HOOO!” We helped him debug himself once we all made it to the dock and all was righted again.

We watched out of dark hatred for humanity as others walked the same gauntlet we just had. We laughed in what I assume came out as an evil French chuckle as tall people received face fulls of bugs on their way out.

Once on the boat, we were mesmerized by the skill and sheer command of the boat this young fellow with a whistle had. Screeching commands to the driver as they pulled up at every dock on the way. It was amazing. Until Maggie discovered one bug had stowed away under her dress causing a pretty impressive dance on the boat as she did her best to avoid flashing everyone while trying to free herself of the little guy.

Maggie is not a fast walker but on our way home she was like a bat out of hell. Mainly because she wasn’t sure if there was still a bug near her business and she was desperate for a cleansing shower to rid herself of the trauma.

It’s now the end of our day. Chaotic and ridiculous. Tomorrow will be nice and low key before we move on to Chiang Mai on Monday.