#buczkowski

I think I have no friends, I have my boyfriend and that's about it. I feel my friends make up excuses to not hang out with me/I'm way too busy. I keep trying to make plans and everybody just dips or they make the whole experience about bragging about their life. I just truly don't have fun trying to see people or even actually being with them. This fucking sucks and I don't know what to do about it. I need to make more friends and build a better support system in my life. I feel cloudy and disliked. And the people that actually want to hang out seem to make me regret my life decisions or make me feel shitty about myself. I never thought I would say this but I miss high school and the community that I had around myself. I miss it all. I just feel lonely, really fucking lonely and disliked. Literally today I didn't want to hang out with anyone but my dog or a family friends dog. I just want play dates with dogs and that's it.

I don't even know what to do anymore So about three days ago I was at work and started feeling extremely tired and my muscles were so weak and my skin was sensitive that when ever I touched something I wanted to scream The next day I'm at home my tonsils are swollen beyond belief, I had bad breath, muscle weakness, stiff everything, joint pain, headache, and a fever of 103.3, so I went to the ER that night (thank god to for my mom) with my mom and boyfriend. They gave my two things of IV, antibiotics, and a pain reliever, this was like at 10:45pm and I got to leave at 3:30am. I barely remember it because I was so out of it. The next I feel so much fucking better and just itching to get out. Now it's Monday, I'm suppose to have more medicine that my mom said she would pick up for me (boyfriend can't drive, only me and my mom) well fucking hell she didn't so now, I'm driving my self around town for doctor's appointments, waiting 45 minutes for medicine, trying to find plenty of food (apparently the meds I'm taking are suppose to make you feel nauseous, that's why I also have nausea meds) I'm now at home like 3 hours later scared about my medicine, hungry as fuck, and feeling so fucking crummy, and my doctor kept telling me over and over please go home and rest as much as you can, sleep, eat, drink tons of water, please be gentle on yourself. And now my mom and decided to just dip out of my life while I'm sick with something that none of doctors can figure out what it is and my boyfriend is at work all day for the past 4 days. So instead of resting LIKE I SHOULD BE DOING, I have to fucking run errands for 3 hours to make sure I'm getting what I need. Also apparently if I don't get any better I might need surgery. And I've only had like one friend show concern over anything and my family is practically avoiding talking to me. I feel so helpless and scared and I'm so fucking worried. I started crying in front of so many strangers and now I can't stop, thank god I made it home.

View On WordPress

The detail reminds me of Bob Ross