#btsats

between the shadow and the soul by ninecrimes / kylo-renakin an rffa gift for icemink 

. . .

“You and Skywalker have been keeping it a secret,” she said, her eyes searching his face to catch him when he lies. “But I know the truth. I learned it, the day after we fought on Mustafar. That Lord Vader was his father, and your grandfather.”

He struggled against her stasis but she pushed back harder, her power swirling around them both. “Rey—”

“Don’t you see, Ben?” There was a ghost of a smile on her lips. “The darkness is inside of you, too. You don’t have to keep fighting it. You were meant to be mine.”

Mine.

. . .

or: Jedi Knight Ben Solo should really stop doing smuggling runs with his father. Kira Ren should really stop trying to turn him to the dark side.

. . .

I am beyond excited to reveal I participated in the Reylo Fanfiction Anthology Gift Exchange. I have had such a beautiful response from people so far and I am working on starting a full fic for this concept. 

Thank you so much to everyone who participated. I love this fandom so much, there are so many wonderful content creators and no end to the love and positivity.

. . .

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11962920

“Been saying I’m with you til the end of the line since we were kids. Guess it’s about time I prove it.”

And Stephanie knows that she means it. She knows that in whatever time, whatever place, Bucky Barnes always has been and always will be with her, til the end of the line. There are no words that she can find to respond.

Tristan + Isolde (2006)

So in March I started publishing a mafia AU (“Between The Shadow And The Soul“, which can be found here) in which everything is basically the same with the exception of the added layer of organized crime. It was something I started playing with the idea of in the summer of 2017.

When I started publishing it, I was posting almost twice a week for a while. I started slowing down as the chapters got longer and longer and as I started to burn through my ‘stock’ of pre-written chapters. As it is now, the fic is at 156k and 21 chapters. I haven’t updated since October 1, breaking the rule of ‘every other week’ that I’d begun to adhere to.

I’m not at all abandoning this fic, especially as I’ve put an incredible amount of this past year (and truly even the year before) into writing it. However, life hardly ever adheres to a plan. In a way that’s a good thing, because I’ve had some opportunities arise over the last month and a half that have really begun to pull me out of the rut I got into with my mental health and overall well-being. It also means that I have had next to no free time. My health has still been a bit dubious and I’ve been getting by with IV treatments that not only take a lot out of me but also disrupt my schedule. That being said, they’re helping me and I’m willing to suffer the discomfort.

The fact that I’ve kinda disappeared from posting has been weighing very heavily on me, even though I don’t think I have a very big audience/there isn’t a terrible lot of crossover between ao3 and this blog. This is compounded by the fact that I’ve been writing a little unrelated YOI fic in my recent free time, based on a prompt from my dear friend Rachel ( @gotnotathought ) and also the fact that I’ve been missing writing so terribly and I was craving something more organic. I’ve started to try and return to “my” style and voice in each piece, rather than simply writing words and not connecting to them.

Again, I have no intention to abandon BTSATS. It’s my baby; I’ve set up intricate resources for it and spent so much time writing it and developing the world of it. And moreover, I’ve loved sharing it with anyone who’s been sweet and brave enough to read it. Comments and kudos used to literally get me through days at a time. I have a little bit of an unhealthy fixation on feedback, and I was wearing myself thin with the desperate need to please. That’s another part of why it’s been hard for me to return to it. I’m so afraid that it’s not good enough that even as far along as I am with it, I’m a bit afraid to move on.

The next chapter (number 22) is partially written, and has been since the end of September. It will be shared, hopefully with the rest of the chapters in the series, around the end of the year. I don’t really want to put it out there until I have the rest of the story finished, in an effort to avoid another lengthy gap like this in posting. And as far as the companion collection of vignettes goes, I have bits and pieces of that written and saved all over the place that I’ve been afraid to share because I’m not sure what the interest or reception might be - and that has always held me back more than anything else might.

So, TL;DR — I’m not abandoning the fic ‘Between The Shadow And The Soul’, I’ve just been caught up in real life the last month and a half, and it will likely be a while yet before I can return to it. You may see an unrelated (Milasara) fic from me before the end of November.