#brownfrond

Gorseheart felt the cold stares of what felt like everyone in the Clan, icy glares seeping  into his bones and around his heart, as if they wished to freeze it to a stop. 

Why must he keep making one mistake after another? He had only ever wanted to prevent war between his Clan and Skyclan, and for that he went through complete and utter darkness. It was as if he fell through a pitch-black tunnel, and on the other end were cats that mimicked his friends, but really hated him, and all he wanted was to return to the other side where they laughed with him, shared food with him, loved him.

He noticed his best friend since kithood settle down in the shade with a squirrel. Rushing to the fresh-kill pile, Gorseheart picked up a vole and raced to join him, slowing when he neared to seem casual. “Halflight! Mind if I join you?”

Halflight looked away awkwardly. “A little bit. I’m just waiting for Primrose.” Hadn’t she just left to hunt?

“Oh. Okay. Maybe later?”

Halflight looked doubtful. His gaze flitted to Blightstar, resting on the highledge. It was only a second’s glance, but Gorseheart noticed it, and he realized the true reason for Halflight’s denial. “You know, you don’t have to avoid me just because you’re afraid it’ll get you on the wrong side of Blightstar’s anger.”

Halflight’s ears flattened defensively. “Yeah, well, he’s angry and for once I’m not the one causing it. Don’t ruin that just because you can’t stand eating by yourself.”

Gorseheart tried not to let his fur bristle. Suddenly he didn’t feel like sharing a meal with his so-called friend. “Enjoy your food,” he said bitterly, padding away.

A little later in the day, Gorseheart spotted Mallowfur. He approached nervously. Neither of them had spoken since Gorseheart nearly–accidently–killed his mate and the medicine cat, Firejay. Gorseheart still had the leaf wrap around his eye from when Mallowfur struck him for it.

But as soon as Mallowfur noticed him approaching, he quickly turned around and headed in the opposite direction. Gorseheart’s hopeful tail fell dejectedly. He wasn’t going to bother trying to speak with Firejay. She was the most forgiving of his friends, but she was still recovering. Guilt weighed his heart down heavily. None of this would have happened if he had just listened to his leader!

Or if his leader had listened to him, a small voice in the back of his head said.

Gorseheart ignored it, mostly, and looked around. He spotted Thorneyes curled beside the warriors’ den. He lifted a paw to walk over, then hesitated. He didn’t want to be ignored or rejected again by someone he cared about. But he also couldn’t stand curling in his and Emberdawn’s nest for another night believing that they now hated him. He knew, somewhere, that it wasn’t true. The problem, though, was that it felt like it was. He had to show himself it wasn’t. He just wanted to get his old, happy life back, and forget all the trauma and hurt that now surrounded him everywhere he went.

“The shade is good here,” Gorseheart murmured uncertainty. “Mind if I join you? I’m sweating in this heat.” He hated that he had to think of a reason.

Thorneyes shrugged. “I don’t own the shadows.”

“No, I suppose not.” Gorseheart sat beside him. He struggled to find something to say. He just wanted to talk as they normally would, but now he was so worried of saying the wrong thing and ruining his chances to be friends again–but they were still friends, weren’t they?

“Uh, do you prefer the cold or warmth? I don’t think I ever asked.” What a stupid question.

“The cold keeps the prey buried in their nests. The heat brings them out,” Thorneyes responded simply. 

“Right,” Gorseheart tried to smile. They were talking, which was more than anyone else was doing for him besides his mate, but it still felt awkward, like they were meeting for the first time and had not been close for seasons. 

Thorneyes stood, stretching. “They should be hunted before the weather lessens.”

“Can I go with you?” Gorseheart asked a bit too quickly. 

Thorneyes blinked at him. “You can hunt all you wish, but I prefer to be alone.”

“I understand,” Gorseheart called after him. His chest squeezed painfully. He tried not to show how much everything was hurting, and for once he was glad that one of his eyes was covered up, so that he only had to hide the pricking of one.

Perhaps he will go on a hunt, and get everything out of his head. But as he neared the thorn tunnel, he was stopped by a voice from behind him. “Where do you think you’re going?”

Hope faltering to a near complete end, Gorseheart turned to see Blightstar. “I was just going to hunt.”

“Were you?” Blightstar questioned doubtfully. “There’s already two patrols out, and Thorneyes. Do you want to know what I think? I think you were trying to speak with Greenstar again, behind my back–again.”

Gorseheart shuddered inwardly. No way in Starclan was he ever, ever going to make that mistake again. “I was just going to hunt,” he repeated.

“We have enough food already and we’re getting more,” Blightstar replied. “For once in your life, be useful. Repair the dens.”

“But I–”

“Do it!” Blightstar snapped. Tail twitching, he padded for the medicine den. 

By now, Gorseheart struggled not to collapse, not to even tremble. All he wanted was for things to go back to normal, or at least to be able to talk to one of the cats he had been best friends with for seasons–years, really, without constantly worrying about messing up and saying the wrong thing. Now he couldn’t even go to be alone with his agonizing thoughts, because Blightstar didn’t trust him enough to leave the camp on his own.

The only one he had now was Emberdawn, and she was one of the hunters–possibly on the complete other side of the territory. Gorseheart forced himself to breathe calmly and deeply, to not hyperventilate, though it felt very much within reach. How had things happened so that he felt only completely, and utterly alone?

--Odd to make a story while talking about he comes to forgive them, but I’ve been wanting to for a while anyway!

--Base is here by MirAnimates. I would have added the leaf wrap that was mentioned in the story, but tbh it was too hard and my phone was on very low battery so I didn’t have a whole lot of time.

--His scar is redder because it’s fresher.

--While Gorseheart in no way deserves this treatment, they do have fairly good reason.

-When Gorseheart was attacked sneaking into Skyclan territory to speak with Greenstar and hopefully prevent battle, Brownfrond wanted to go with him. Brownfrond is Blightstar’s son and was hurt, so Blightstar is furious at that AND at Gorseheart getting into a fight with a Skyclan patrol and making things worse.

-Thorneyes and his mate, Nettledeer, are going through a tough time, which is why he’s awkward and wants to be alone. Gorse has no way of knowing this.

-In his panic from his trauma, and PTSD, he struck Firejay, thinking she was Foxbreeze, and nearly killed her. That’s why both she and Mallowfur are angry at him.

-Halflight is normally the one Blight snaps at, and he’d do anything to be on Blight’s good side for once.